—St. Vincent's Hospital, Emergency Unit, year 2026—
A blurry sight of Yoongi shouting on his phone came first when I opened my eyes, before I shut them close again and everything disappeared.
There were blinding lights and the faint sound of sirens that came next. Strained voices of people around me were muffled by the throbbing sound in my head.
Fast paced lights started moving over me. Oh, wait, no—actually it was me that was moving in speed. I could not feel or move my body, but I knew I was moving.
I could see everything from the corner of my eyes as I came in and out of my consciousness.
This has happened before. Wait, when was it? Oh right, it was that night. It's happening again. Then this must be the hospital.
I could hear Yoongi's voice speaking from a distance right after I felt my body had stopped moving around. This also happened before, but it's—different. Who was it then? Taehyung? Tae—where could he be—
"...and she just fell to the floor. One second she was fine, and the next..."
"...as we can. Are you her relative..."
"...he's on his way here."
"...when she wakes up, we'll..."
But I'm awake. I'm here. Why can't I open my eyes? Why can't I say anything? I can hear everything, but why can't I feel my own body, what is wrong with me?
Wake up, _____. Please wake up—
I couldn't tell how long I was out. But when I finally came to, I was welcomed by silence. A thick scent of antibiotics was wafting in the air, making me feel nauseated. I opened my eyes as I inhaled a deep breath, letting the air out with a sigh while I adjusted my eyes to the bright lights around me.
I hated hospitals. And I was ready to lash out at the one person who must have brought me here.
The throbbing pain in my head came back. Everything felt heavy and I let out a groan as I tried to move my head to look around. It took me a moment before my eyes were able to see things clearly, allowing me to catch a sight of someone shifting next to the bed where I was laid on.
"You're awake."
I turned my head, finding Yoongi sitting next to the bed. He was staring at me with a pursed smile and a pair of tired eyes.
"Yoongi. What happened?" A groan escaped me as I spoke. I felt so tired, so powerless, but I tried to fight it and forced myself to wake.
"You passed out. It happened so fast and it totally freaked me out. You almost gave me a heart attack, you know?"
I scoffed. "Uh, damn. I'm sorry—" I winced. Even talking became quite a struggle when everything was hurting.
"That's okay," he said. "How are you feeling now?"
"Tired." I sighed. I kept my eyes on Yoongi, feeling my droopy eyes ready to fall back to sleep anytime. "I feel so, so tired."
He only nodded. "Understandable. I told the doctor that you were stressed out since you first came to my apartment, and you didn't have much sleep after. But they decided to keep you here at least one night for observation."
I glanced around and realized that I was placed in a private treatment room. "Why did you take me here to the hospital? I would have been awake after a few hours."
He sighed, leaning forward and closer to me. "I didn't know what to do, so I called an ambulance right away. But you've been out for more than 24 hours, _____. So now I know that taking you to the hospital was a good decision."
"What? I was out that long?" I certainly did not expect that to happen. "What did the doctors say?"
He shrugged. "Nothing conclusive yet. I'm not a relative so they didn't tell me much."
"You still shouldn't have taken me here, Yoongi. You know I hate hospitals."
"Well, I panicked, okay?" He said with a frown, and then he let out a deep, frustrated sigh before he continued, "Besides, it wasn't really my decision that led you here."
"Not yours? Then who—"
And just then, before I ever had any chance to properly ask him, I got my answer right away. Right as we were interrupted by the sound of the door opening, followed by the sound of footsteps.
"Oh, is she finally awake?"
I recognized the voice immediately. He was the last person I was expecting to see, but there was no mistaking that the voice was his. Despite not wanting to confirm that it was him, I still needed to know. That was why I reluctantly turned to look his way. And when my gaze fell on the doorway, my eyes were met by the familiar face of Dr. Kim—my dear friend, the oncologist that I had not seen for the last few weeks as I kept missing our consultation schedules—accompanied by another familiar face that I have not seen even longer. A few years longer, as a matter of fact.
His eyes lighted up the moment he saw mine. A wide grin appeared on his face when he greeted me, "Hello, little sister."
The atmosphere in the room was filled with tension. Everyone was silent, and neither of us would even try to look at each other. I exhaled a sigh when things started to feel unbearable, while I had my eyes looking down on my fingers as I kept pulling the trim at the edges of my blanket.
There were so many things going on inside my head. All kinds of emotions circled through my brain and I was completely lost for words.
I took a quick glimpse at him and saw him gritting his teeth while avoiding my gaze. He was fuming, I could tell even without him saying anything. And I let out another sigh as I looked away, still unable to find a word to say to him, or to anyone, for that matter.
"Oh, fuck this! Somebody say something, please."
I looked up at Yoongi as he raised from his seat, shaking his head with annoyance clear on his face. "Nothing is going to be solved if none of you guys starts speaking. This is fucking insane," he scoffed, glaring at both my brother and myself.
I opened my mouth to speak, only to stop myself when I had nothing to say. What was I supposed to say anyway? I was completely puzzled by the situation that I found myself in, still taken by surprise by how my older brother suddenly appearing when least expected, while I was still completely baffled after hearing what the doctor had just told us earlier.
—15 minutes ago—
"How have you been, Mrs. Jeon? It has been a while since we last saw each other," Dr. Kim greeted me as he stood next to Hoseok. He had a caring smile on his face as he carefully flipped open the folder that he always carried with him. His eyes occasionally found me to anticipate my response while he was busy flipping through his files, giving me the usual friendly approach that I had come to be familiar with yet still enough to make me feel guilty.
I returned his smile with my own, refusing to back down. "Doctor, I already told you before. Please just call me ____. I'm not really comfortable with—"
—being associated with his name.
"Of course," the doctor said to me with a smile, before looking around and started exchanging glances with Yoongi and my brother.
A frown appeared on Hoseok's face as he caught on. "What do you mean, 'a while'? Are you her personal doctor? Has she been treated here before?"
The doctor gave him a smile, glancing my way briefly before asking him, "Are you her family?"
"Yes, I'm her older brother." Hoseok moved closer to the bad, placing one of his hand on my shoulder.
The doctor nodded. "I am Dr. Kim. Mrs. Je— ah, I mean, _____'s oncologist. She has been under my care starting last month. Although she hasn't checked in to see me for an update on her condition or to do a following check-up for a few weeks now," he calmly answered my brother, before throwing a concerned smile at me.
"An oncologist? Wha— Wait, do you mean?" I could feel Hoseok's palm tightening on my shoulder and I placed my own hand above his to try a calm him down, knowing that he would not be able to take lightly whatever the doctor was going to share everyone.
And it was soon proven much later.
There was nothing I could do as the doctor revealed my condition to everyone in the room. Both Yoongi and Hoseok were silent as they listened to him speak, as he started showing us my X-ray photos and my recent blood work results. The more he spoke and explained everything, the more I feel Hoseok fuming beside me, gritting his teeth as held in his emotions.
"Five weeks?" Hoseok finally spoke. "Five fucking weeks?
"Hoseok—"
"Okay, first of all—" he sighed, pinching his nose to calm himself before he continued, "Have you even talked to anyone about your condition? Does anyone know? What does your husband—"
"He doesn't know anything—yet," I answered him with my head lowered, avoiding his eyes.
His eyes widened, and he turned to throw his questioning glance at Yoongi. "Yoongi?"
Yoongi shook his head and shrugged. "She never told me either," he said with pursed lips.
"For fuck sake, _____!" He groaned, tilting his head back with eyes closed. A frustrated frown was evident on his face and by the sound of his breathing, I could tell that he was trying the best he could to control his rage. "You—God, this isn't a simple matter. Why won't you talk to anyone about this? Does anyone know about it? Like even if it's just one person?"
"No one, Hoseok," I sighed. "I came here by myself to get tested, and ever since then, I haven't shared this with anyone at all."
"No one?" He scoffed. "Not even your husband, or your business partner?" he asked me, pointing at Yoongi.
I shook my head.
"Then why didn't you call me and tell me anything about this?"
I raised my head, glaring at him. "Because of many reasons, Hoseok. Now before you continue on lashing at me, why don't you explain to me first the reason why you are here now?" I turned to glare at Yoongi as I continued, "And how."
Yoongi released a sigh. His eyes flickered at Hoseok before returning to look at me. "I met your brother right when you and I just started working together. He was our second client, and he's been helping us in getting more clients and more projects, and—I'm sorry for keeping this from you, but I promised him—"
"I made him promise me that he won't say anything to you about me, that he would let me know everything that you go through, anything that happens to you," Hoseok cut him off, exhaling a deep sigh as his anger slowly started to die down. The anger in his eyes was soon replaced with regret. "I told him to take care of you on my behalf, without you knowing. I'm sorry. Don't blame him, okay? He only does what I asked of him."
"Oh, really?" I looked at him with raised eyebrows. "If you really do care about me so much, then why didn't you just try and call me to ask me for yourself?"
He opened his mouth, only to close them back, completely lost for words.
"Why do you think I keep it from everyone? Who do you think would help me if I ever try to reach out? I couldn't even tell my husband about it, so how am I supposed to share something like this with anyone else? And Yoongi—" I stopped to exhale a breath. "I can't tell him because I don't want to drag him into my own personal problems when I have gotten him involved in a lot of things already. While you, my brother, you practically disowned me, remember?"
"I did not! I—" Hoseok leaned back into his seat, exhaling a deep breath while brushing his hands over his hair in exasperation. "I didn't mean anything I said back then. I was angry and emotional, but I shouldn't have taken them out on you. I'm sorry."
"So, what? Are you here to repent? After all these years? Or—"
"No, I just—I'm worried about my little sister, okay? I have been worried. But I knew that if I had just come forward to face you, either one of us would have let our pride get in the way. So I decided to wait for the right time before I could finally see you face to face and talk to you without being haunted by everything that had happened in the past. I figured I could help you from a safe distance until I can make sure to find a way to finally get closer."
There was nothing I could do but sigh as I took in his words. Some of them were right, but my mind was filled with the recollection of what happened at the last night I was home with my family, of what he said back then and what I said to him before I ran and left.
"Well," I started to speak and looked at him. I knew that it was easy for him to read me and my thoughts if I would look into his eyes, yet I didn't care. I stared right into his eyes, challenging him. "Here we are now."
"Here we are—" He only nodded, mirroring the look I was giving him. "Now that we've cleared that part—" he said as he leaned forward, taking my hand gently in his. "Would you please explain to me why have you been avoiding treatment for five weeks?"
I fell silent when I had no answer to give him. All I could do was look away, gnawing on my lips to stop myself from speaking the truth. What excuse should I give him? What could I say to him, when there was nothing that could justify my decision to do so.
"Have you been taking the vitamins and meds that the doctor gave you?" He asked me again, and I shook my head.
"No."
"Wha— Why?"
"I don't know—"
"Bullshit," I heard Yoongi spoke. "I get that you had no choice but to keep your condition as a secret, but even so, you could have treated yourself better and get those treatments."
"We all saw the same thing earlier, didn't we?" Hoseok leaned closer and softened his voice. "Five weeks are not really a short amount of time. Judging by how it has progressed inside of your body, and how much it had grown and spread out, I'm pretty sure you must have been feeling something changing in you. Because it's highly impossible that you're not feeling anything at all with that thing growing inside you all this time."
Of course, he was right.
There was no way I could ignore the pain that was residing in my body. Perhaps that was the reason why I fainted at Yoongi's apartment, and I knew there was no other reason for my lethargic state that I had endured for weeks. I had felt it, and did my best to hold on. But my body had given up that day after withholding the pain for so long, and I was too exhausted from hiding them inside me and keeping everything to myself.
"It hurts," I answered him. And suddenly, an overwhelming wave of emotion came flooding through. Perhaps it was relief which I felt from finally able to speak the truth, to stop hiding. Or perhaps it was because I could finally let go of everything I had kept bottled inside. Whatever it was, the minute I said them, my tears came flowing down, and I could finally breathe easier at the same time. "It hurts so much. And I am so fucking tired of feeling so much pain."
Hoseok rose from his seat and held my body close to his while I turned into a sobbing mess. There was a tremendous amount of pain happening all over my body but I let myself fall into his embrace.
"Let's get you treated. We'll do everything we can to get you better, alright?"
I shook my head while I was in his hold, wanting nothing more than to only feel his warmth, his presence, and revel to the gentle rub he was giving me on my back.
"______, please."
"What if it's already too late?" My voice came out muffled as I buried my face on his shoulder. "I had already given up on everything, what good is it to start anything now?"
Hoseok released me, pulling away so he could look at my face. I kept my eyes on him as he spoke, "Because you have me now. I gave up on you once. I gave up on us and it was the biggest mistake in my life, so I will never give up again. We're going to make sure that you will get the best treatment, and I'll be here every step of the way so you won't be fighting alone."
"Yeah, I'm here too—" Yoongi chipped in, shrugging nonchalantly as we glanced over to him.
"Okay," I sighed, feeling a slight of hope in my chest from thinking that perhaps I could actually have a reason to fight. I had a feeling that perhaps I could have a chance to have some changes in my life. A reason for me to keep on hoping.
The hospital released me the next day.
Hoseok and I discussed everything regarding all the treatment process that I had to go through with Dr. Kim before we left, and I got all the new medications I needed to prepare myself. Including everything needed to fix all of the damage that had been done by me not taking the previous prescriptions they had given me. They allowed me a chance to be able to recharge in a more comfortable place before I had to come back for my treatments. Although returning to a comfortable place meant crashing into other people's house since I couldn't come home to Jungkook.
"So, where are you taking me?" I had been silent as I sat in the car, mostly keeping my eyes to look out the window and enjoy the scenery. While Hoseok drove the car without saying much either. "You told me you have a plan, but you haven't really told me anything about it."
I turned to look at him and saw him grinning while keeping his eyes on the road. "How about going home?"
"What?"
"I was kind of thinking about taking you back to Dad—"
"Hoseok, no!"
He only laughed, glancing at me to see my reaction. "I'm just joking. I live right across the city from your house. I know Yoongi offered for you to crash in with him since he lives closer to the hospital, but I'm your family. I'll take responsibility for your care, okay?"
I nodded. I could not help but keep my eyes on him, still unable to believe the fact that my older brother actually came for me.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" He glanced at me again with his eyebrows raised, grinning at the fact that each time he looked to his side he would meet my eyes.
"I missed you."
He gave me a smile. "I missed you too. We all do," he sighed. "Why won't you see Dad? He talks about you every time I come home. He regrets all of the things that were said back then, and for not fighting for you."
I looked away, masking my emotions by looking out through the window. "I said so many things that hurt him, Hoseok. I can't come back. Not yet. I'm not ready to face him, especially when I'm like this. What would he think when he finds out that I'm sick?"
Neither of us said anything for a brief moment, and I knew that Hoseok understood what I meant.
"People said some hurtful things, but we always find ways to recover from them," he finally spoke. "People also makes bad decisions, but that doesn't mean you have to face the consequences alone. You can always run to us."
I remained silent for a moment. I have been facing everything all by myself for years that I had forgotten how to ask for help, or how to find comfort in other people but myself.
"You know, you have years to come to me and say all of these things. Why now? And why hide behind Yoongi?"
He turned his face and flashed me his grin. "The same reason why you haven't come home for years, perhaps?" He chuckled, shaking his head while he turned to face the road again. "And then there is this thing called pride. It kind of runs in the family."
I let out a bitter laugh, finding the irony in his words and the irony of the whole situation a little—compelling.
"We all make mistakes. Every one of us did. It's time to move on and face them together, and—I don't know, but maybe there are things that could still be fixed," he said while he lightly shrugged.
"What things?"
"Well, first of all—We can be a whole family again." He flashed me a smile.
I scoffed. "We can never be whole without—"
"We can keep what is left of us," he cut me off. "We still have each other, alright?"
I sighed, leaning my head back in my seat while I gazed forward.
"If only we can turn back time and fix things from the beginning. Perhaps it would be the only way for things to be better."