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"Alex wasn't the only one who made an appearance. Kayli Markis and Gus Bukhari were seen hand in hand walking into the party, and later, leaving together."
Isaac glanced down at his phone, which was propped up above the sink as he shaved what little stubble he had. The Starstruck video he was watching detailed the attendance at John's album release party and currently displayed a photograph of Kayli and Gus.
They looked stunning side by side, though Isaac couldn't help focusing on Kayli's attire more than anything. Her hair, her wardrobe, her everything. She was like royalty.
***
"Isn't her outfit incredible?" he asked, showing Rylan as he hung out with him at Adonis later that day. "I wish I could've been there in person."
"Yeah, she looks really hot," Rylan agreed, looking down at the photo.
Isaac made a face at him. "Okay, but we wouldn't be gay men if we didn't discuss Gus," he said, showing the picture to Rylan again. "Isn't he... perfect?"
"They're both pretty perfect," Rylan agreed, looking away.
Isaac put his phone down and frowned. "Sorry. Am I talking about this too much? I'm sorry if it's not really your thing."
Rylan laughed. "No, it's fine," he said. "I'm just distracted. There's gonna be another big party here next week and I'm playing it so..."
"My album party?" asked Isaac curiously.
"No, before that," Rylan shrugged. "But it doesn't matter. Tell me more about how you wish you could be Kayli Markis."
Now it was Isaac who laughed, but he didn't get to respond because Shana appeared in front of them. "Um," she said. "Did I just hear correctly?"
Isaac shook his head. "You need the context for that one," he said. "I was just trying to explain to Rylan here that..." He took a deep breath. "It's hard to explain, actually. I really like Kayli. I think she's... everything I would want to be."
Shana made a face.
"Not like that though," Isaac told her. "See, I said it was difficult to explain it. I guess I'm saying I admire some aspects of her. My sexual orientation aside, I really like something about her... femininity I guess. But no, despite my atrocious Starstruck interview, I do not wish I was a girl."
Shana shrugged. "That's not so hard to understand. You're a guy. A girly guy. Which is fine. Masculinity is toxic and overrated anyway."
"Well," Rylan said, leaning his head from one side to the other as though only half-agreeing.
"But that's the thing," Isaac said. "I don't think girly guy describes it either. Again, I'm not saying I want to have a sex change. I mean, more power to women who transitioned and all but... I'm fine with my body as it is. It's just... There's something about women that just..."
"Maybe you're attracted to Kayli," Rylan suggested. "That wouldn't make you any less gay, right? I mean, I think Kayli's really attractive."
"No," Isaac scoffed immediately. "I've never found myself attracted to a woman. Ever. You guys aren't getting it."
Shana stared at Rylan for a second then looked back at Isaac and murmured, "Oh..."
"What?" asked Isaac.
"Okay," she nodded. "Clear your schedules tomorrow. You're both coming over. I think I know what you need."
***
"Thanks for meeting with me," Marley said as Adrian sat down at her table at The Lima Bean, where she was already waiting with his order ready. "I really wanted us to talk given how much happened over the weekend."
Adrian was having trouble looking her in the eyes. All weekend, Marley's name had been popping out in articles, on TV, everywhere online. The world was dragging her into John's drama whether she liked it or not. And after attending his release party, there was more reason for her and Adrian's pictures to be spread across the web.
"I didn't want to leave you hanging," Adrian sighed. "I understand as bad as it is for me... For you it's probably a hundred times worse."
"Yes," she agreed. "Thank you for that. I just don't want what's happening out there to interfere with us."
"Neither do I," Adrian shrugged. "But was is there to do?"
"Ignore it?" she suggested hopefully. "I'm staying off social media. And I don't take calls from unknown numbers."
Adrian took a sip of his coffee and then set it down. "Okay," he said, still seeming unsure. "If you want to just pretend it's not happening until it blows over... That's fine by me."
"Thank you," she nodded. "And it will blow over, Adrian. I promise it will."
"Okay," he said again. "If you say so. I wish I could stay longer but I've got to go to work."
"Oh, of course," she said. "And I have to go pick up Ben and Kai anyway so..."
"Okay then," he said, standing up. As she did, too, she was momentarily blinded by a bright light. She turned to see that there was a man photographing them right outside and that another was rushing across the street, also holding a camera.
Turning her face she said, "Oh no."
Adrian turned away, too, and muttered, "Well, this is just great. Come on. I'll walk you to your car and keep those vultures away."
Marley nodded, leaving her cup behind and letting him shield her on their way out of the building. Everyone inside was watching them and people outside were now staring, too, especially as the paparazzi started shouting comments and questions at them.
She couldn't imagine it being any worse than this.
***
Julie yawned and took off her headphones. She stood in one of the booths at Wasted Zombies and was in the company of a sound engineer and two of her groupies from when she was on the road.
One of them, Yvonne, was typing away on Julie's phone, doing her usual duty of responding to fans for her, telling them sweet things on Twitter and retweeting and liking things that made her seemed more involved.
"Hey, Yvonne," Julie called out to her. It took a few seconds for the producer to put her on loudspeaker and Yvonne to realize she was being summoned. She stood up and hurried into the booth.
"Yes?"
Julie came closer and asked, "Do you have something for me right now? I'm getting tired and I really wanna get this track down so I have enough time to send it to John. Who knows when he'll have time to even look at it."
"Um..." Yvonne thought about it. "I don't have any of your fave, Adys, but I can get my Lima contact to maybe drop some off. Oh and while I have you here, Starstruck Online tagged you in some article about you and John. It's predicting how long it'll take for you to get together. What do you think I should say?"
"Don't say anything," Julie responded. "I'm done feeding that monster for now. Just keep liking positive stuff and respond only to my fan accounts who follow me. And if you see that they also follow Tracy, mute them. Don't block anyone though."
"Got it," said Yvonne. "And I'll get right on getting you those Study Buddies, too."
"Great," said Julie, putting the headphones back on. Yvonne left the booth and she gave the engineer a signal for them to get back to work.
***
The next morning, the music video for I Don't Want To Live Forever came out and the song was a strong number one on iTunes.
The video was playing on Shana's living room television when there was a knock at the front door. She quickly paused the screen and hurried to answer it.
It was Rylan and Isaac, right on schedule.
"Welcome!" she said, leading them inside. "Ooh it's cold today."
She quickly shut the door behind them, hugging her cardigan around herself and ushering them into the living room.
"Please, have a seat," she said, turning the TV off altogether.
"So what's this all about?" asked Isaac curiously.
Rylan was a bit busy looking around and taking it all in but Shana got his attention by saying, "Oh, it's really pretty simple. After talking to you both a little yesterday, I came to the conclusion that... Rylan, you're not gay. And Isaac, you're not a guy."
"What?" Isaac and Rylan said in unison.
"I like men," Rylan laughed it off, as Isaac nervously said, "I'm not a girl."
"Let me show you to the drawing board, kids," said Shana very matter-of-fact. She draw back the curtains covering a tall window as well as an actual dry erase board.
There was nothing on it but two lines, like long timelines, drawn on one above the other. The top one read Gender Spectrum and the bottom one read Sexual Spectrum.
"Okay, where to start?" Shana wondered out loud. "How about on the bottom here? This is gonna be so fun."
She turned to Rylan and Isaac, who were very confused.
"Okay," she began. "Rylan. Let's begin. I wanted to let you know that... Sexuality is... a spectrum."
"Okay..?" he said.
"Okay!" she repeated excitedly. "If here's liking your own sex..." She pointed to the right end. "And here's like the opposite sex..." She pointed to the left end. "And here's liking any sex..." She pointed right at the middle. "You can still fall anywhere in between. You're attracted to Kayli, right?"
"Sure..." Rylan shrugged, confused. "And?"
"And that's perfectly fine," she shrugged. "Look, I had a period in my life where I thought I was straight." Isaac gasped. "I know, I know. I was really young, though. Like, thirteen years old. Anyway, I thought the way that I liked girls was just normal and that was the way straight girls all were. But then I realized that there was a level of intimacy that I wanted that straight girls didn't want. And I thought that must make me a lesbian. But then I couldn't explain why I still was attracted to guys."
Rylan stared at the lines on the board while Shana tried to maintain eye contact.
"And that's when I learned," Shana said, "that it never had to be one or the other." She saw him looking a bit lost so she said, "Okay, let me be more specific. I brought some help."
From behind the television stand, she pulled out a box. Inside were cutouts of the faces of people they knew.
"Here are some friends I know," said Shana, "and their sexuality."
"Not weird," said Rylan sarcastically.
Shana pulled out a picture of Santana. "My wifey," she said, kissing the picture. "She's a lesbian. She feels some attraction to men. But only romantic attachment to women. In general terms you might call her a bisexual homoromantic. But it's up to her to choose her label and since she said getting specific is stupid, her words not mine, she prefers going by lesbian. Her own terms."
Shana took the picture of Santana's face and tacked it onto the sexuality spectrum with a magnet. Placing her somewhere between the center and the right side.
"Next up," said Shana. "Our good friend Isaac."
Isaac groaned as she put up a picture of his face.
"Isaac likes men," she said. "Plain and simple. He's never felt anything else towards a woman, as he told us yesterday. Correct?"
She looked at Isaac, who painfully nodded and watched her slam his face onto the very right end of the spectrum.
"Homosexuality," she said.
Rylan turned to Isaac, smiling at how embarrassed he looked about having his face up there.
Next, Amity pulled out a picture of Amity. "Ooh, this is a great one," she explained. "Up until a few years ago, my BFF Amity thought she was straight. She'd only ever had two serious boyfriends. And then she got connected to a woman and felt that deep connection. And an attraction."
Isaac's embarrassment faded a little and a smile began to creep on his face.
Until Shana said, "Then that bitch broke her heart. But then... She met another woman. Who... also turned out to be a bitch and actually recently broke her heart but... Anyway. That's besides the point. You don't need those details. Just that she discovered she felt an attraction to some woman. Unlike Santana, Amity felt comfort in finding a label to explain her feelings. She didn't feel all the way straight or all the way lesbian, so she went with bisexual, and she's been happy with the label ever since."
"That's nice," Isaac said.
Then Shana made him and Rylan jump by exclaiming, "Boom!" as she slapped Amity's cutout onto the spectrum, between the left end and the center point. "In her new song she says she's 50/50 to make a point, but I asked her and she said it's really more 65/35."
"Now," Shana continued, pulling out a cutout of John. "The man of the hour. Get his new album, by the way. I'm in it."
Isaac grinned, starting to feel a little more comfortable with this activity now.
"This," Shana showed them John's face, "is a man who loves women. Perhaps too much? But that's neither here not there. The white, straight, cis male.... goes here."
She slapped his face onto the left end.
"By the way," she felt the need to explain, "race is a whole other thing but... I just wanted to mention it."
She smiled at them and reached for another cutout.
"Finally," she said, "we reach yours truly." She showed them a picture of herself and said, "I like any and all genders and reproductive organs. My marriage and devotion to a sole woman doesn't change that. So I'd put myself at the center of the spectrum."
She carefully placed the cutout at the center.
"So yours is all gentle and mine gets slapped on there," Isaac said, amused.
Shana turned to him and said, "Oh, one more."
She grabbed another picture, one of Rylan this time. Rylan tensed up as she showed it to him.
"How long have you identified as gay?" she asked him.
Rylan shrugged. "Most of my life, I guess. Since I first realized I liked men."
Shana nodded and set his picture on the right end, next to Isaac's. "Oh wait," she said. "But you're attracted to Kayli, right?"
"I mean..." he said, shrugging.
Shana moved his picture a bit to the left. Then she said, "I take it you like blondes. What about Mandy Baker?"
"Isn't everyone into her?" Rylan laughed nervously. He looked at Isaac, who shook his head.
Shana smiled and moved his face further left. "Cleo White?" she asked.
"She's really something," Rylan admitted.
Shana move it more to the left and said, "I'm just gonna assume you like any blonde, blue or green eyed model..." She stopped at the middle, to the right of her own picture.
"Now I seem shallow," Rylan said, looking at it.
"Not at all," Shana said. "Liking blondes doesn't make someone shallow. It's just a type."
"Well, I do like all types," he said defensively, referring to different hair and eye colors.
Shana jokingly said, "Me, too." Then she added, "Congratulations, Rylan. You're probably just... you know... bi."
Rylan took a deep breath and said, "I just always felt like I had to own my gayness. When I was young and came out and tried explaining that I thought I still could like girls, people told me I was just not fully out yet and I kind of believed them."
"That's just biphobia," Shana shrugged. "People tried to gaslight me one way or another for a while, but sexuality isn't binary. You don't have to be one or the other."
"But," Rylan said, pinching the arch of his nose. "If I call myself bisexual now, aren't I sort of betraying my gay side? I've carried this identity with me for, like, ten years now."
"There's no such thing as betraying one side by claiming the other," said Shana. "Bisexuality is a very real thing. Claiming it doesn't make you any less gay, Rylan. I promise. I've been doing this whole gay thing since you were in diapers."
Rylan seemed unsure, but Shana decided it was time to move on.
"Onto you, Isaac," she said.
"Oh," Isaac shook his head. "No. We've established I'm a hundred percent gay and I'm cool with that. thanks."
"Not what I meant," she laughed. She pointed at the top line and said, "This is the spectrum I wanted to discuss for you. The gender spectrum."
"I already told you I'm not trans," Isaac sighed.
Shana shook her head and said, "Transexuality is primarily about your sex. Your physical body. Gender is, like sexuality, on a spectrum. First of all, where do you think you fall? If this is being a guy on the right and on the left end it's being a girl, where would you put yourself."
Isaac pointed to the right end, so Shana wrote the word "Boy" under that marking.
He stared at the words and tried to be a little more realistic. He moved to the left, but seeing the word "girl" under there felt wrong. He pointed from one to the other until he felt he had confused himself and the others enough to stop.
"Okay," Shana nodded. "Why don't we let Rylan try it?" She reached into the box for another copy of his cutout.
"Easy," said Rylan, said, taking it and putting it on the board under "boy."
"Okay," said Shana, taking a copy of her own face and putting it on the opposite end.
"Now," she said, "what if I did this?"
She erased the "girl" and "boy" labels and switched them.
Rylan grabbed his face and moved it to her side, saying, "Then I go over here."
"But," Shana shook her head, "I didn't change anything other than the names. I didn't change any of the societal norms or the stereotypes we associate with each. So then even if one side says "boy" it's still the side where people with vaginas automatically get sorted into, where we're expected to like skirts and dresses and thigh high boots and no hair on our bodies and more gentle and... feminine. But we're calling it "boy" now so... What do you do, Rylan?"
Isaac watched curiously as Rylan took his cutout away from the left end and put it back to the right end under the "girl" label. But staring at the word made him pull it back away and turn to Shana.
"Is this a trick?" he asked.
"It's not a trick," she assured him. "Gender isn't something we're biologically created with. We're socialized into it as we grow up. So if we can make up being a boy or a girl, then we can call it whatever we want to call it and that socialization still exists. A rose by any other name..."
"...would small as sweet," Rylan finished with a nod, putting his face on the "girl" side now but a little more to the left, as though he was still fearing what putting it right on the label would mean.
"Interesting," she said. "The removal of the label changed your opinion about making a binary choice at all. Now you go, Isaac."
She gave him his cutout and he said, "I don't know... I'm still confused. I don't think I go on either side, even with the labels changed."
"But Isaac," she said, pointing up at the empty space between her face and Rylan's, "you're ignoring the entire rest of the spectrum. All of this space is okay too. We just didn't put any labels on it. But if I can easily switch the two common binaries and still have you acknowledge their meaning..."
She erased the labels and switched them back to where they originally were.
"Then I can call anything whatever I want," she told him, taking Isaac's cutout back from him and putting it at the center.
"You don't have to fit into the binary," she told him.
Nodding slowly, he asked, "May I?"
He stepped forward and moved the cutout a bit further to the left.
Then he said, "I think that... seems accurate."
"How does it feel?" Shana asked him.
He could feel his eyes stinging, but that's not what he said. Instead, he told her, "It feels... confusing. But it also feels right."
"Yay!" she said, pulling him into a hug.
Rylan watched and smiled, happy for Isaac's discovery, and even maybe for his possible own.
"Wait," Isaac pulled away from Shana. "Does this mean I have to change my pronouns?"
"Only if you want," Shana shrugged. "Being nonbinary or genderqueer or whatever it is that you want to call it acknowledges your right to identify how you want. If you want to be both, or you want to be neither... You're free to use whatever pronoun you want. Including keeping the he/him label if you want."
She turned to Rylan.
"Just like you don't have to stop liking guys," she told him. "And you don't even have to stop identifying as gay. I was just offering an alternative label." She turned back to Isaac and said, "You don't stop being genderqueer if you let people call you a him. You could say you're a genderqueer male and the only person it has to make any sense to is you."
Isaac smiled. "Yeah," he nodded. "That seems more comfortable. And... appropriate."
"So wait," Rylan stopped them, pointing back to the bottom spectrum. "If I'm bisexual does and that means I'm attracted to two genders, but there are endless genders... Does that limit me only to two?"
"Oh no," Shana shook her head. "I mean, some people see it that way. And others think that's biphobic and bisexuality means all genders and sexes. To tell you the truth, I see bisexuality as pansexuality as being the same thing. Pansexual just felt right for me so it's what I went with."
Rylan stared at his cutout and said, "I can leave it right where it is and use that label instead? I don't have to be right in the middle?"
"That's right," Shana nodded. "You could be almost to the extreme right and still use any of the center labels. That's the beauty of spectrums."
"Okay," Rylan said. "Then I think that's far more fitting. I like pansexual. All genders." He looked over at Isaac and added, "Or even no gender."
Isaac smiled a little, almost sure he was going to blush, so he turned back to the bored and admired the beauty of being encouraged to call himself whatever he wanted. No more binaries.
***
"Can you score me some weed in the next ten minutes?" asked John as he and Sebastian walked together out of an elevator, hurrying down a hall with two assistants trailing behind them.
Sebastian glanced back at the men and then told John, "I hope you're joking. I need you on your A-game this week, John. You have to do this meet-and-greet with the press and promoters if you want them to get behind your album promo at full speed. Strong sales aren't enough to make hits these days. You know that."
"It's a good thing that's not all we have then," said John. "I have a big fanbase, support and promo from other A-list stars, huge streaming figures..."
"And you need to court continued support from the radio now, too," Sebastian said. "I can't tell you how much bigger Julie's music would be if she wouldn't miss so many important meetings to get drunk or high. I don't want you to be that way. You're a lot more focused than she is."
"Speaking of her," said John. "She's joining us tomorrow for the walk-through at the stadium. I want her on the road with me so we can keep working on her album and so she can come out and sing our duets together every show."
"As long as you both promise to behave," Sebastian rolled his eyes. "I suppose there's strength in numbers."
They reached the end of the hall and two doors were opened for them. They saw strength in numbers, big time.
The meet-and-greet was starting with a big press line and John put on the coolest of looks as the rest of his entourage trailed behind him, putting in some distance to let him do his thing.
***
"Alex?" said Quinn when she saw him walk into her office. "I was surprised when they told me you were here to see me. What's so important on such short notice?"
"Sorry," he said, shutting the door behind him and stepping in. "I just... I wasn't sure whether to call or what since I know you're usually busy but I really needed to talk about something."
"What is it?" said Quinn, putting down her pen. This seemed serious.
Alex took a quick seat in front of her and explained, "I'm doing this show on Thursday night. In Chicago. And I really want Julie to be there."
Quinn raised an eyebrow. "Really? Why?"
"That's personal," he said. "I don't know her schedule. I don't have her new number. And I have no idea how to get her there. Look, I'm sure she's got a lot going on but I just need her there on this one night. Thirty minutes."
"Alex, what you're asking for is kind of impossible," said Quinn. "Not only can I not pinch any of her already crunched time just to get you some time with her but... It's not even on me. That's Sebastian's territory and if anyone could schedule her time to go see your show, it'd be him. Not me."
"Well, do you at least know what he has planned for her this week?" Alex asked.
"Honestly, no," Quinn shook her head. "But... My guess is that since he's out promoting John right now and they've just released a video together... He'll probably want her out there with him."
She offered Alex a sympathetic smile but the latter let out a deep, frustrated sigh. This was impossible.
***
"Wow, this place is a mess," said Xavier when he walked into the recording studio. Travis was just on his way out. "Did you do this?"
"No," Travis sighed. "Queen Vasquez graced the place with her presence, I think."
Xavier laughed. "Oh, that actually makes sense. Well, I was just coming in to re-record some backing vocals but I'm glad I bumped into you. I was going to tell you on Friday but I was talking to Everett and I really think we need to have a guy's night out."
"We already did that," Travis told him.
"That was before we all found out your ex was having a baby," Xavier reminded him. "Sorry to bring it up but you've clearly been affected by it and we're your friends so we're looking out for you. This time it'll be just single guys, eh? What do you say? No mention of exes whatsoever."
"I don't know," Travis said. "I'm gonna be busy later in the week and I need to keep my focus."
"We'll go tomorrow night," Xavier suggested. "We'll get trashed, we'll possibly hook up with randos. And we'll make a night to remember out of it. Come on. You can't say no."
"I can," Travis disagreed. Then he sighed, "But I won't. A nice night out with friends, not worrying about careers or ex-boyfriends... It sounds kind of nice, actually."
"Great," said Xavier. "I promise to make it unforgettable. The three amigos, back in action."
He patted Travis's arm as the latter chuckled, watching him disappear up the stairs. Grabbing the last of his things, Travis headed out, trying to work up his excitement for a night out.
***
On Wednesday morning, Shana showed up at Adonis to see how Rylan was doing after their discussion. Not surprisingly, Isaac was there, hanging out with him as he set up his equipment for the day.
"Hey!" she exclaimed, rushing to them and ignoring Ryder as he tried to greet her from all the way across the bar. "I was hoping to see you both. How are you?"
"Honestly..." Rylan said, looking from Isaac to her. "A lot better. I'll admit I left your place still a little uneasy about everything but... It's starting to all set in nicely."
"For me, too," Isaac agreed. "I even talked to Kayli about it."
Rylan turned to him, alarmed, and asked, "Did you tell her about how if she asked, I'd definitely have sex with her?"
Isaac stiffened up and said, "Well, I didn't have that information then, but I guess I do now..."
Shana laughed and told them, "I'm really glad about it, guys." She caught herself and asked Isaac, "Oh, is that alright?"
"Oh, of course," Isaac shrugged. "My fans call me sis and it never bothered me. I refer to plural groups as guys, too."
"Cool!" Shana smiled. "Just let me know if I ever say anything that doesn't feel right to you and I'll gladly correct it."
"Same for me," Rylan jumped in.
"Will do," Isaac nodded. "Thank you. Both of you. Shana, Rylan was just about to do his soundcheck for the day. You should hear him sing. He's got a great voice."
"Oh really?" Shana asked.
"I prefer to make the music," Rylan shrugged. "The beats and stuff. But yeah, I guess I can carry a tune. But if you're here... It'd actually be a great honor for you to do it instead."
"Why don't we all do it?" Shana suggested. "I've done it before for Ryder and it usually involves having to move around the room to make sure the acoustics are great throughout the venue so... The more the better, right? Give me something warm and mellow."
She grabbed a microphone and began walking from the stage to the opposite end of the club, smiling when Rylan's chosen song came on.
["Spectrum" by Florence + The Machine.]
Shana: When we first came here. We were cold and we were clear. With no colors on our skin. We were light and paper thin.
She continued walking until she reached the end.
Shana: And when we first came here. We were cold and we were clear. With no colors on our skin. 'Til we let the spectrum in...
Then she turned around, sitting on top of one of the tables and looking out at them.
Shana: Say my name. And every color illuminates. We are shining. And we will never be afraid again.
Rylan handed Isaac a microphone so that he could join her. Taking it, Isaac sang on his way towards the staircase to the balcony, covering all his basics.
Shana with Isaac: Say my name. As every color illuminates. We are shining. And we will never be afraid again. Say my name. As every color illuminates. We are shining. And we will never be afraid again.
From the stage, behind his equipment, Rylan sang along too.
Rylan: And when we come for you. We'll be dressed up all in blue. With the ocean in our arms. Kiss your eyes and kiss your palms.
Isaac smiled at Ryder, passing by him and pretending he was giving a performance to a large crowd, despite there being only four people there, bartender and owner included.
Isaac: And when it's time to pray. We'll be dressed up all in grey. With metal on our tongues. And silver in our lungs.
Ryder glanced from him, to his DJ, to Joyce at the bar, and shrugged. He wasn't even surprised something so seemingly random was happening there anymore.
Isaac and Rylan: Say my name. And every color illuminates. We are shining. And we will never be afraid again.
Shana hadn't even paid the others any mind. She was having the time of her life.
Isaac, Rylan and Shana: Say my name. As every color illuminates. We are shining. And we will never be afraid again.
She sang the bridge, excited for more people she could continue helping as well as for a chance to put on more performances once the group was putting out music again. The future seemed bright.
Shana: And when we come back we'll be dressed in black. And you'll scream our names aloud. And we won't eat and we won't sleep. We'll drag bodies from the ground.
It seemed bright for Isaac, too. He felt that he had another mentor, on top of Julie.
Isaac: So say my name. And every color illuminates. And we are shining. And we'll never be afraid again.
And now he had a new friend, too, who seemed to really understand what it was like to feel so different.
Rylan: Say my name. As every color illuminates...
Lima hadn't always been an open place, but there had always been people there who wanted somewhere to belong.
All: Say my name. As every color illuminates. We are shining. And we will never be afraid again.
And now with Shana's help, that community was really forming itself.
Shana: Say my name. We are shining. Say my name. Say my name.
And none of them could wait to watch it grow.
All: And we will never be afraid again.
***
Marley had just finished getting blood from a patient when she heard someone shout, "Hey, you can't go back there! Somebody stop that man!"
Her heart began to race as she heard multiple footsteps and poked her head out the door, only to once again be blinded by the flashing lights of a camera.
"There she is!" someone shouted.
Behind her, a man who had been sitting on a bench stood up and opened up his trenchcoat, revealing a camera.
"You've got to be kidding me," said Marley, hiding her face and attempting to walk past them.
Security showed up and she tried to turn in the opposite direction as they apprehended the paparazzi, but in all the confusion, she dropped the blood vials.
Marley gasped and bent down to the floor, feeling her eyes sting as one of the photographers snapped yet another picture of her, kneeling beside a small puddle of blood and broken glass.
"Hey, I've got this," said an orderly who showed up beside her. "Don't worry."
Marley looked up at him and nodded slowly, feeling herself about to lose her patience. For days now, this hadn't stopped. But The Lima Bean was one thing. Harassing her at her place of work was another.
She was starting to fear for the safety of her family and Adrian, and even for her own sanity. While she got away, she felt her chest get tighter and tighter. She stepped inside an employee restroom and walked over to the sink, leaning against it and splashing her face with water, but that wasn't helping.
It was getting harder and harder to breathe and the more she thought about it, the harder it became.
She reached into her back pocket for her cellphone so that she could reach Adrian, but he was working. She couldn't disrupt him for something like this.
She couldn't reach out to anyone and even if there was someone available for her, there was nothing that could be done to help.
She had already unlocked her phone, however, and this meant it was connecting to the internet, downloading data and filling her up with dozens of notifications.
90% of what was coming in had John's name on it and about half of it involved Julie.
If it wasn't for those two, she could be happy. She could be content and settle down and worry about nothing.
But they insisted on doing things that would drag her down and now it was seeping into every aspects of her life.
As she debated what to do, the door opened and one of her higher ups walked inside. "Nurse Green," she said. "Sorry, I... I was just taking a quick break."
"I know, I heard," said Nurse Green. "Look, Marley... You do excellent work here and I won't deny that. But... Right now, I just think with everything that's going on... It'd be better for everyone, you included, if you just went home."
"What?" Marley said, eyes widening. "Why? None of that was my fault."
"It's not a punishment," Nurse Green insisted. "Just take a couple of days off. And that's not a suggestion. I've already clocked you out."
She walked out of the restroom and Marley felt her face burn. It was getting clearer now to see that this was just the tip of the iceberg.
["Go High" by Kelly Clarkson.]
Marley: It's too much, can't see. It's too much, can't breathe. It's so not for me. Way too much.
She stepped out of the restroom, watching as each pair of eyes she passed looked up at her. Her co-workers, patients, visitors...
Marley: And I get lonely on the high road. Everywhere that I go. Stand for nothin' fall short. But not me...
They all knew about her by now, who she was and who she used to be in love with. And they had no shame in staring at her until it was she who was forced to look the other way.
Marley: But I won't give up... I'll keep givin' love... It runs through my blood... I'll never give up, yeah yeah...
She hurried past the floor's lobby towards the employee lounge, so that she could collect her things from there and leave as soon a possible. When she walked in, all eyes were on her. She detested the attention more than anything else, but she had to suck it up and keep from having any more confrontations.
Marley: When you go low I go high. I go high, I go high. When you go low I go high. To get by, to get by.
Once she had collected her things, she looked around at all her co-workers who were watching her and took a deep breath, biting her tongue like she always did. Then she walked out, not a word spoken.
Marley: Sometimes I don't wanna be nice. But I try... When you go low I go high.
She hurried inside an elevator, pressing the first floor's button quickly without waiting for anyone else who might be coming in, like she usually did. She didn't have the patience for that at the moment.
Marley: It's all good, move on. It's all good, I'm strong. It's not what I want, what I want.
When the doors opened, she rushed out and nearly knocked someone down, apologizing quickly with just her eyes and rushing towards the exit.
Marley: And I get lonely on the high road. Everywhere that I go. Stand for nothin' fall short... But not me.
As she reached it, however, she saw that the paparazzi had been escorted outside the building but not forced to leave the lot. They were there, waiting, and they weren't the only two.
Marley: But I won't give up... I'll keep givin' love... It runs through my blood... I'll never give up, yeah yeah...
Marley took a deep breath and walked out, facing the cameras. She didn't say anything to them, she didn't hide her face, she didn't look at them.
Marley: When you go low I go high. I go high, I go high. When you go low I go high. To get by, to get by... Sometimes I don't wanna be nice. But I try. When you go low I go high.
She just walked on towards the parking lot, pretending they weren't there.
Marley: High as the note that I sing. High as the kite with no string. High is where I have to be. When you go low I go high just to breathe.
When she arrived at her car, she turned back at them through her mirror and then stared at her own reflection. She wasn't ready to let them see her fall yet.
Marley: High as the smoke that you blow. High as you think I can't go. High as this lonely road. When you go low I go high just to breathe.
All she had to do was make it home, where they couldn't reach her anymore.
Marley: When you go low I go high. I go high, I go high. When you go low I go high. To get by, to get by.
Amid all the flashes and the shouting, she got in her car and shut the door, trying to focus only on getting out of there and not on the many times she heard names that began with 'J' directed at her.
Marley: When you go low I go high. I go high, I go high. When you go low I go high. To get by, to get by.
And with that, she began her way home, watching the road and leaving them behind.
Marley: Sometimes I don't wanna be nice. But I try. When you go low I go high...
***
Julie: Until you come back home.
Julie turned to John, who was sitting behind her at his radio show. They'd just sang both of their duets and he'd performed Starboy as well, so it was turning out to be a great day.
After their interview and songs, they were able to take off together, not sure what to do with the rest of their time.
Julie had an idea, but she couldn't bring it up because the second they got in their car, John's phone rang.
"Huh..." he said, glancing up at Julie briefly. "It's Marley."
"Oh," she said. "You should take that. It could be about Kai."
"Yeah," John frowned, concerned. He answered the call and said, "Marley, is everything okay?"
But it wasn't Marley who answered. "It's actually Adrian," said Adrian. "I... Something happened."
"What did?" John said, tensely sitting up straight. "Is Kai okay? Where's Marley? Is she okay?"
"No," said Adrian. "I mean... Yes. But... Look, I know you're probably out living your rockstar life and you don't care much about the collateral damage of your career. But Marley's... The last few days have been really hard for her."
"I can imagine," said John. "I'm sorry."
"No, I don't think you really can imagine what it's like for her," said Adrian. "She doesn't like this life you live. She's in bed right now, humiliated and scared. Some reporters have been harassing her around the city. Her own town."
John's face fell. "I... I don't know what to say. It's usually not common for them to show up at Lima."
"Well, they're here," Adrian said. "They keep wanting to talk to her about you and get her thoughts on this album you released and... I'm trying my hardest here to be supportive. But there's very little I can do for her when it's not a life I live. Or want to live. She's caving under all the pressure right now and I think someone who knows what it's like to have all that attention on them should talk to her."
John paused for a moment. "Wait, are you suggesting that I reach out?"
"Unless you know a way to just stop the media from hounding her altogether," Adrian sighed.
Turning to Julie, John wondered what he might say to help. He couldn't stop the paparazzi from being paparazzi. But he also didn't know if anything that came from him would help Marley feel better, not when it was all his fault to begin with.
"I'm sorry," said John. "But there's really nothing I can do."
Adrian scoffed. "Figures. Start a mess and can't clean it up. Your reputation proceeds you."
John began to respond but the call ended. He set his phone down and said, "I can't stand this asshole."
"Everything okay?" Julie wondered.
"Yeah," he said. "Just more bullshit, nothing new though. You said you had plans for us?"
"Yeah," Julie smiled. "I've been thinking a lot about what you said on Friday. About how maybe if we really tried you and I could work out. And I have a surprise for you."
John gave her a look. "A surprise?" he asked suspiciously.
"Just trust me on this," she said. "It's gonna be good for both of us."
***
Though Shana knew she would have to lock herself up for hours and hours in the studio soon for the recording of the next Rhythmix album, she wasn't ready to put down her party hat just yet.
At night, she returned to Adonis all on her own and was glad to find Rylan and Isaac there, still hanging out and looking happier than ever.
As she approached, she saw that they were with Jeremy and Charlie, talking to them about the spectrums and teaching them what Shana had taught them. She had never felt prouder.
She didn't want to interrupt, so she walked past them to where Sam was hanging out, sipping from a drink and smiling when he saw her coming.
"Hey!" he exclaimed. "Santana here?"
"Not tonight, I'm afraid," she told him. "Quinn?"
"No, I'm meeting with Carly in a bit actually," Sam said. "I'm hoping I can get her to do a song on my album. She's so hot right now and I need people like that who are gonna make this album feel fresh."
"That's great," Shana smiled, leaning against his table. "She's really fun to work with. I can tell you that."
"Oh and I listened to John's album," he told her. "The song you did with him was... phenomenal. Honestly, probably my favorite on the album, if not top five. Your voice has that vibe that just... fits with anything."
"Thank you," she grinned from ear to ear. "I was really proud of what I was able to accomplish with a few hours in the studio with him."
"Hey, if you're up for doing more solo work," said Sam, "I'd love to have you on my album."
"Really?" Shana said, flattered. "I would've figured you'd want Santana on there."
"I love Santana," Sam assured her. "She has an amazing voice. But I've worked with her before, with the band. And I think your voice is a right fit for what I want so... what do you say?"
Shana nodded, feeling more special than ever in that moment. "Yeah, dude," she said, slapping his arm playfully. "Are you kidding? Of course! I'm so down."
She looked over at Isaac again and said, "You know who else is a really great artist who isn't getting enough attention right now but I think has the potential of impacting a lot of people?"
Sam looked at her in wonder so she began to explain.
***
"How is it not even nine yet and I'm already this tipsy?" laughed Travis as he nearly bumped into Everett while they walked out of a bar, led by Xavier.
"Because you're finally letting loose," Xavier clasped his shoulder, nearly knocking him forward.
They laughed and Everett offered Travis an arm, allowing him to balance himself against him.
"Alright," said Everett. "Are we gonna stumble around Lima all night or are we hitting up somewhere else tonight? Adonis?"
"Nah, we do Adonis too often," said Xavier. "There must be something else in this damn city we can do for fun."
"Ooh, this place looks new," said Everett, stopping in front of a tattoo parlor.
There was a sign outside that said GRAND OPENING, though the date on there had already passed weeks prior.
"It is new," said Xavier. "I've been wanting to get another tat."
"Me, too," Everett agreed.
But Travis said, "It's a crummy Lima parlor. I wouldn't get anything here if I were you guys."
"Oh come on," said Everett. "I can't even see any tattoos in you and you came out of alt hip hop. I think that's a crime against the genre."
Travis made a face and said, "But... But..."
"No," Everett shook his head, pulling him to the door. "We're doing this. Come on."
Xavier smiled, holding the door opened for both of them. Travis glanced back at him as they walked inside and Xavier gave him a small nod of reassurance. He'd promised him fun and there was nothing more fun than a spontaneous life-long change to the body.
***
"Here, come inside," Julie led John into her hotel room.
John dug into his coat pocket as he walked inside, pulling out a small plastic bag. "Look what I got us," he said proudly.
She knew exactly what was waiting for her inside his bag, but she shook her head and pushed his hand away gently.
"No, John, let's not do any of that tonight," she said, shaking her head.
He gave her a quiet nod and put it away. As she went to the hotel closet, he took a seat on her bed and asked, "So what'd you bring me here for?"
From the closet, she pulled out her guitar and walked over to him. "I had to show you something," she sighed, taking a seat on the chair in front of him.
"Your guitar," he said.
"A song," she said, laughing. She collected herself and said, "But not just any song. It's new. Like I told you earlier, I've been thinking about what you told me all weekend. And I wasn't sure what to think or what to tell you so I did what I do best and I wrote you a song."
John's lips turned to a half-smile.
Her eyes shining, she said, "Obviously it's not what I want it to be yet. I'm hoping you can work your producer magic on it later but... For now, this is what I have. My words."
He didn't say anything. Just kept staring at her until she got the courage to start playing. It had been a while since she sang a song written and dedicated to someone like this, one-on-one and stripped down, a serenade of sorts.
["Sober" by Juliet Vasquez, for her upcoming fourth album. Original artist: Lorde.]
She played for a couple of seconds, staring at the frets like she needed to, though both knew she could probably do it in her sleep.
Julie: Oh, God, I'm clean out of air in my lungs. It's all gone. Played it so nonchalant. It's time we danced with the truth...
Glancing up at him for just a moment, she sang softly and airy.
Julie: Move alone with the truth...
She looked away for a few lines, feeling self-conscious for a moment. It wasn't that she doubted the song was good. But she wasn't sure what he'd make of the words she'd written for him.
Julie: We're sleeping through all the days. I'm acting like I don't see. Every ribbon you used to tie yourself to me...
John was focusing on that, too, but he wasn't sure why she was so anxious about it. It sounded sweet so far.
Julie: But my hips have missed your hips. So, let's get to know the kicks. Will you sway with me? Go astray with me?
She was saying all the things he wanted to hear from her.
Julie: We're King and Queen of the weekend. Ain't a pill that could touch our rush.
Until...
Julie: But what will we do when we're sober?
She met his eye again, wanting to get a read on him. This was the part of the song when it should become clear what her true intentions were.
Julie: When you dream with a fever. Bet you wish you could touch our rush... But what will we do when we're sober?
He opened his mouth, about to stop her, but something told him he should listen to the rest of it.
Julie: These are the games of the weekend. We pretend that we just don't care.
Even though nothing was going to change.
Julie: But we care.
And he just kept hearing that word. Sober. The word everyone in his life seemed to be obsessed with.
Julie: But what will we do when we're sober? When you dream with a fever. Bet you wish you could touch our rush. But what will we do when we're sober?
When the chorus ended and she returned to the verses, she looked down again, focusing on her strumming fingers for a few seconds, like she was collecting her thoughts as she sang them.
Julie: Oh, God, I'm closing my teeth. Around this liquor-wet lime. Midnight, lose my mind.
There was so much he wanted to respond to every line.
Julie: I know you're feeling it too... Can we keep up with the ruse?
That what had happened between them before wasn't a ruse and they could keep up the fun, even sober. But there was no need to be sober.
Julie: B-bodies all through my house. I know this story by heart.
She stopped playing for a moment as she delivered a single line.
Julie: Jack and Jill get fucked up and possessive when it get dark...
Then she went back into the same melody as before, singing lines she'd already sung.
Julie: But my hips have missed your hips. So, let's get to know the kicks. Will you sway with me? Go astray with me?
And then it started getting harder and harder to tell if this was an acceptance to his proposal or a rejection.
Julie: We're King and Queen of the weekend. Ain't a pill that could touch our rush. But what will we do when we're sober? When you dream with a fever. Bet you wish you could touch our rush. But what will we do when we're sober?
For a moment his mind jumped to Marley. Was she alright? How would she feel knowing he was there trying to start a relationship with Julie while she was suffering so much because of them?
Julie: These are the games of the weekend. We pretend that we just don't care. But we care.
He shook his head and focused back on Julie and her song. It had an important message for him and he didn't wanna miss any of it.
Julie: But what will we do when we're sober? When you dream with a fever. Bet you wish you could touch our rush. But what will we do when we're sober?
The strumming sped up a little and John could tell they were entering the bridge. He'd known Julie's writing style long enough to know her truest feelings typically came out then.
Julie: Midnight, we're fading. 'Til daylight, we're jaded. We know that it's over. In the morning, you'll be dancing with all the heartache. And the treason, the fantasies of leaving. But we know that, when it's over. In the morning, you'll be dancing with us.
And they had.
Julie: Oh, dancing with us, oh, dancing with us...
She was scared this was all they could ever be. Together or apart.
Julie: But what will we do when we're sober?
She stopped strumming and cleared her throat.
"That was..." he began.
She glanced up, staring at him expectantly.
"It was great, Julie," he said, nodding. "Honestly. I think it's going to be a standout in your album. And I have a few ideas on how to make it better."
Julie bit her lip. "And..?" she asked.
"And..." John sighed, scratching the back of his head. "I really liked the line about Jack and Jill. What was that again?"
With a soft chuckle, Julie quoted, "Jack and Jill get fucked up and possessive when it get dark."
"And that's us?" he raised an eyebrow.
She shrugged and asked, "Isn't it?"
"You know what other line I liked?" he said, getting off the bed to kneel beside her. He reached for her hands and said, "Ain't a pill that could touch our rush."
"But what will we do when we're sober?" she asked, completing the quote. "John, I meant every word in the song. I do love the feeling I get when we're together. Like we can... do anything we want. Conquer the world. But... It's the after that I don't like. And it's not just from the guilt. That feeling. The high of us being with each other. It fades. It always fades. And you know it as much as I do."
"I—" he began.
But she said, "John, be honest with yourself. If Marley still wanted to be with you... you wouldn't be interested in me, would you?"
He let go of her hands and pulled back. "There's no way of knowing that," he said.
"Yes, there is," she sighed. "You just have to be honest with yourself for once."
"Would you go back to Alex if he wanted to?" John asked her in response.
She shook her head. "He's never going to," she shrugged. "Even though we're speaking now and trying to build a relationship for Rosie's sake... He's been pretty clear about the fact that he still hates me for sleeping with you. And that's just never going to change."
"Then why don't we just go for it?" asked John. "We've got nothing to lose anymore."
Julie leaned down closer to him and said, "Maybe you're right. But I still think you have a shot at love, John. And you're not gonna find it if you're wasting your time hanging around me. I know that you're lonely, John. I know that you want to have someone. But I'm just not it."
John leaned back, pushing up against the bed. He let out a deep breath. "What the hell am I supposed to do then?"
"I don't know," she admitted. "But I wanna try to be sober. And, honestly, John... You're kind of one of my drugs."
He looked down at the carpeted floor, unable to disagree on his bad influence. But he wasn't ready to be left behind by someone else.
Standing up he said, "Come on. Let's get out of here."
"And go where?" she asked.
"Let's just hang," he shrugged. "You want to get healthy and I want to support you. No matter what I'm still your best friend, right? I don't want you to ever think you need me out of your life so... I'm gonna show you that we can have fun without any drugs or alcohol or sex or anything like that. Let's get out of here."
***
In the morning, Travis woke up to a pounding headache. He felt like he was going to belch, so he tapped his chest, but it wasn't just gas. Without warning, he rose up onto his knees and started to vomit.
"Ugh..." he groaned as he finished up. He glanced around his apartment, which looked a mess, and then walked to the living room.
Everett was sitting at his kitchen table, staring into space with bags under his eyes and a coffee mug between his hands. On the couch, Xavier was laid out, still fast asleep.
"What the hell happened last night?" asked Travis.
"Ow," Everett covered his face. "Please, use your inside voice."
Travis tried to make his voice lighter as he said, "How much did we drink?"
"Like..." Everett said, rubbing his temples. "A lot? I don't know man. When we got to the tattoo place we just started drinking more cause you were so nervous about it."
Travis gasped. "The tattoo," he said. "Shit, I got a fucking tattoo, didn't I?"
"Yeah," Everett nodded.
Travis searched his arms and legs for one. He lifted up his shirt, searching his chest and abdomen, but he couldn't see anything.
"Oh my god," Everett exclaimed.
From the couch, Xavier groaned and covered his face with a pillow.
"Oh MY god," Everett repeated, getting out of his chair and walking towards Travis, pointing. "Okay, don't freak out."
"Well, it doesn't help that you're freaking out," said Travis, rushing towards the mirror in the living room. He turned forty-five degrees from the mirror and twisted his body around to get a look at the tattoo, placed in what was a fairly random spot on his back.
"That looks like it hurt..." said Everett, while Travis began to hyperventilate.
"No, no, no, no, no," Travis said. "How... Why... No... I'm dreaming. Shit!"
He kept staring at it and Xavier forced himself up from the couch. "What's with all the noise?"
"It's pretty bad," Everett winced. "Come check this out."
"No," Travis kept saying, shaking his head at himself in the mirror. "You didn't. You're dreaming."
Xavier approached, yawning, and stopped on his tracks when he saw the tattoo on Travis's back. He couldn't help laughing.
"This isn't funny," Travis told him, staring at it wide-eyed. "I have to get it removed."
"Or covered up," Everett nodded. "That'd probably be less painful."
Xavier was still laughing, putting a hand on Travis's shoulder roughly. "Congrats, dude," he said. "I told you last night would last you a lifetime. And now it will."
Travis turned to him and it was easier to see the tattoo through the mirror now. In his own handwriting, Travis had gotten 'LUKE' tattooed on his body.
***
"Good morning," John greeted Julie as she sat up in bed. He was lying beside her.
She wiped her face and asked, "Wait... Why..?"
"You asked me to stay last night, remember?" he said, getting up.
"Oh," she said, everything coming back to her in an instant. "Yes. True. Crap. Did we miss our interview?"
"Yup," John sighed. "Sebastian texted me. He's pretty pissed but... There's nothing to do now except hope we can reschedule. He thinks we got drunk all night and overslept."
Julie smiled. "Thank you for not drinking yesterday," she said. "I know going for pizza and then coming into binge a show with me isn't as exciting."
"No, I could use more nights like those," he shrugged. "Really. Thank you. But now we should probably go. Sebastian said he had found your a replacement gig or something like that. He said he'd text you more about it."
Julie reached for her phone and asked, "Just me? What about you?"
"I have some other things I need to do," he said. "I should head out and go grab my things from my room." He leaned in to kiss the top of her head and said, "I think you were right. About us. And you still have a shot at love, too, Julie. You just have to open up to it again. I'll see you in a few days."
"John, wait," she stopped him as he put his shoes on. "Before you leave... There's one last part of the song I want you to take with you... We pretend that we just don't care, but we care."
"Why?" he asked her.
"Because," she shrugged. "I think that you like to pretend things stopped bothering you. I mean you said it in your own song. Switch up my cup, I kill any pain. But you aren't killing the pain. You're just numbing it so you can try to ignore it. And it's still there. Until you go and make things right with her, it's still gonna be there."
John gave her one less look but didn't say anything else before he left the room. She flopped back down and opened her messages from Sebastian. The oldest ones were really angry but then there was one telling her what to do now that she'd blown this interview.
"Chicago..?" she muttered to herself, reading over his text again. She shook her head and said, "Nope. Not today Sebastian." She turned off her phone and grabbed the TV remote, wondering what else she could binge through the day, pretending she wasn't a star with appearances to make so that she could be herself just one more day.
***
"Guys..." said Travis, coming out of his bedroom after wallowing in there about his new tattoo. He was fully dressed now and looking down at his phone in terror.
Xavier and Everett were having breakfast. "What is it?" Everett glanced up.
Travis walked to them and said, "Uh... So the tattoo might've only been the second dumbest thing I did last night?"
He turned his phone around and showed them a tweet from his account.
@TravisHilton: If anyone wants to be my surrogate hit me up ASAP
"Oh that's not that bad," said Everett. "Just delete it."
"It's been like twelve hours since this," said Travis. "The whole world saw it. My social media team is going to be fired for not taking it down. And you should see my DMs. Full of solicitations. Everyone's calling me desperate now."
He kept looking through his phone and then his went pale.
"Oh my god," he said, putting his hand over his mouth.
"What now?" Xavier sighed.
"Uh..." Travis said, glancing up at them. "Tell me why I sent a payment of 50,000 dollars to someone last night..."
Xavier looked up and exchanged a look with Everett, both of them wide-eyed now.
Travis kept reading the messages. "Guys..." he said. "I think I mailed my sperm to someone last night."
Everett gasped and Xavier shrugged, "Well, you're really fucked."
***
"You're sure that you gave her the right address?" asked Alex, pacing backstage with his guitar hanging from him, seconds before he was supposed to go out and debut a new promotional release from his album.
Sebastian responded, "I told you a million times already. Yes. I told her where to go. I even bought her the ticket. If she didn't show then... She either figured out you'd be there ahead of time or she just didn't listen to me. I've done enough now so stop calling."
"But if you'd just—" Alex said before the call ended. "Great... Freaking thanks."
He tossed his phone over to Tabitha, who'd been watching the whole thing with pity. "You know, she really doesn't deserve you," she shrugged.
Alex rolled his eyes and said, "I just want a chance."
"A chance at what?" Tabitha asked. "Winning her back?"
"No," Alex shook his head. "Saving her. It sounds stupid and maybe I'm full of myself for thinking this but... I really think if she hung out with John less and with me more that... I don't know. She could be healthy again and responsible and just... Better. Like she used to be."
"I hate to break it to you, Lex," said Tabitha. "But some people are beyond saving. The sooner you realize that, the less disappointment you'll have to go through later."
Alex turned away from her, not saying anything else as he prepared to go perform. A few seconds later, a PA indicated it was time, so he took a deep breath and hurried onto the stage, hearing the roar of the crowd immediately.
It wasn't a huge show but it was big enough for him to be unable to see half of the people there from his spot on stage. He could hear them very well, though, and that was good enough.
"Hello Chicago!" he greeted them. "I love this city and I'm excited to perform a song nobody's heard before for the very first time here. This is called... The Pros and Cons of Breathing."
Without another word, he started playing his guitar right on cue with the rest of the band behind him.
["The Pros and Cons of Breathing" by Alex Zimmerman, from his upcoming debut album, Redemption. Original artist: Fall Out Boy.]
Then he stepped up to the mic and started to sing.
Alex: Bury me standing under your window with the cinder block in hand. Yeah cause no one will ever feel like this again.
This was one of the angriest songs on his album and he wasn't sure why he thought that it would help sway Julie.
Alex: And if I could move I'm sure it would only be to crawl back to you. I must have dragged my guts a block... they were gone by the time we...
He just figured a little honesty would be appreciated and that maybe the song and its underlying message might help kick off a needed conversation.
Alex: Whoa oh, I want to hate you half as much as I hate myself. But you know that I could crush you with my voice.
He needed her to know that he didn't hate her. That he was still there for her.
Alex: Stood on my roof and tried to see you forgetting about me... Hide the details I don't want to know a thing.
That no matter what happened between them, he was at a place now where he wanted to be someone she could count on.
Alex: I hate the way you say my name like it's something secret.
And that despite how angry he was about everything, still, he would rather she come back to his side than keep falling under the influence of people like John.
Alex: My pen is the barrel of the gun. Remind me which side you should be on.
But she hadn't even bothered to show up.
Alex: Whoa oh, I want to hate you half as much as I hate myself. But you know that I could crush you with my voice.
Maybe if he'd made the invitation himself it would've been different.
Alex: Stood on my roof and tried to see you forgetting about me... Hide the details I don't want to know a thing.
But there was just no way of knowing that.
Alex: I wish that I was as invisible as you make me feel. I wish that I was as invisible as you make me feel.
So he sang his song with her miles away, god only knew where, and hoped for another chance to see her soon and get all of that off his chest.
Alex: Whoa oh. I want to hate you half as much as I hate my... Whoa oh I want to hate you half as much as I hate myself. But you know that I could crush you with my voice.
After performing the new song and his other three releases, Alex bid the crowd farewell and returned backstage. Tabitha gave him back his phone and said, "You're gonna want to check your messages.
"Why?" he asked curiously.
She smiled and he unlocked his phone, opening up his messages. He had one from Julie, delivered while he was on stage.
For a second he didn't know what to think, but then he saw that it was a large group text. An e-vite. "She's having a party?" he said.
"Well, it is her birthday next week," shrugged Tabitha. "Maybe this is that chance you've been wanting."
Alex nodded slowly and put his phone away. "Yeah," he said. "Maybe you're right."
***
Late at night, Marley heard a knock on her door and groaned. Adrian had already left so there was nobody to kick out reporters for her.
She took a deep breath and made her way from the living room to the front door, checking first to see who it was. But it was no reporter.
She opened the door quickly and asked, "What are you doing here?"
"I had to see you," said John. "I know it's probably not a good time but I... I just wanted you to know that I care."
"You care?" she repeated, confused.
"I know you've been having it rough out here," he said. "And it's my fault. But even if it wasn't... I'd still be here because I care about you and I want to try to help you in whatever way you can."
"I appreciate that, John," she said. "I really do. But there's really not much that you can do."
"I can..." he said slowly. "I don't know... Offer you some advice on dealing with the press. Give you some comfort. I don't know. I can get you your own security to keep the paps away. I just know you never wanted any of this. It's the reason you left the band in the first place. You shouldn't have to go through it because of me."
Marley forced her lips into a smile. "That's sweet of you," she said. "But really... It's okay." She opened the door further and said, "But why don't you come in? I'm sure Kai would love to see you."
John smiled at the idea. "Your boyfriend won't get mad?"
"My boyfriend's been pretty mad the last couple of weeks, honestly," Marley shrugged. "And I'm tired of adjusting my behavior to please him. So if it bothers him that you're here with your son... Screw him, right?"
John raised his eyebrows, surprised to see her so unyielding. Maybe he'd come at the perfect time after all.
"Thanks," he said, walking inside the house. As she shut the door, he asked, "So where is the little guy?"
***
On Friday morning, Julie finally decided it was time to check out of her hotel room. She'd been avoiding Sebastian's calls and even missed one from John, but her mini-vacation from the outside world couldn't last forever.
As she prepared to get back out there and be Juliet Vasquez once again, she watched TV and sang her new song to herself, liking it more and more with every go at it.
She was so distracted that she nearly missed when the hosts of the TODAY show said, "Now here premiering their brand new collaboration... Tracy Moore and Sam Evans!"
"WHAT?!" Julie exclaimed, dashing out from the restroom to stand in front of the television, hoping she'd heard wrong.
But surely enough, Tracy and Sam were standing together in the outdoor stage, Sam wearing cowboy hat and boots while holding a guitar. Tracy stood a few feet away from her and a country melody played.
["Ball and Chain" by Tracy Moore featuring Sam Evans. Original artist: Connie Britton and Will Chase.]
Tracy: I get along without you baby... if I only could. There ain't a thing about you baby... that does me any good.
As Tracy walked around him singing, Sam was holding his own strumming the guitar. Julie couldn't believe it.
Tracy: But still you try to keep me here, well, is that just your pride? Everyday with you is like a... a roller coaster ride.
But Sam was singing along, smiling wide and enjoying himself.
Tracy with Sam: It's so complicated... it's driving me insane... It's just a ball and chain.
From the song being as country as Tracy could get, to the fact that the two of them were even on the same stage together... It was all putting a terrible taste in her mouth.
Both: It's just a ball and chain...
How long had this been planned for? Sam looked too comfortable for it to be recent.
Sam: Listen here.
Then again, he was from Nashville. Maybe this is what he'd wanted to do musically all along and Tracy provided a good in into the genre.
Sam: Ain't no doubt about it baby... you push me away. Every time I turn my back your... begging me to stay.
Julie shook her head. He wouldn't need to use her to get into country. And in all the years she'd known him, he never once mentioned wanting to do country.
Sam: Then you leave me hanging on... I don't know where you're at. If I knew you were really gone well... I could handle that.
It couldn't get any more wrong.
Sam with Tracy: It's so complicated... it's driving me insane... It's just a ball and chain.
Just when she thought she'd seen it all, Tracy approached him and they sang to each other.
Sam with Tracy: Just a ball and chain...
Up close and personal, like they were best friends or even lovers.
Sam: Just a ball and chain. Yeah.
Julie gasped, watching Tracy share a microphone with him and put a hand on the back of Sam's head, pulling him in closer.
Both: I've tried all things I could to get me off the hook. But still I keep on falling for every single trick in the book, yeah.
And he was smiling, enjoying the whole charade. She knew she and John weren't exactly subtle on stage, but Tracy was the devil. And he was married!
Both: All those little games you play babe used to be fun. Baby we were flying higher close to the sun.
Julie could only wonder what Quinn thought of this. If she had known, if she had been fine with it, if she'd been behind the whole thing.
Sam: But you're tearing me apart now. All the good is gone.
Either way, the whole thing was gross and wrong.
Both: There's a shadow hanging over us. What was right is wrong.
But the crowd was loving them. They clapped their hands, they cheered, they danced.
Both: It's so complicated, it's driving me insane. It's just a ball and chain.
And on stage, Tracy leaned against Sam, swaying on him as he stopped playing to solely sing with her.
Sam (and Tracy): Just a ball and (chain...) Just a ball and chain.
It was something out of a nightmare.
Both: Just a ball and chain... It's just a ball and chain.
Julie stared at the screen, her eyes wide with rage as she said, "That son of a bitch..."