Chapter nineteen
Last resolutions
Amal
The party was fun for some people I guess. But I have never attended a more pressure filled event. It's not hard to understand what was going on on the surface.
There are so many girls hoping to be chosen that the atmosphere was a bit weird. There are girls like the queen's sister whom I heard was called Nafisah who simply had too much backing for even Saif to ignore them. There are some like Taufiqah who rely on their beauty and their fame with the masses to avoid total avoidance. And then I realized there's a third group of girls here too. These are girls like Yesmin who seem totally confident in their value and worth that nothing would ever ruffle them. But..
Where does Maree fit into this?
She's supposed to be the first wife who should quietly support her husband as he chooses a noble bride. But..
Why is it that ever since Saif arrived, she's been by his side like a super glue, looking down on all the other girls?
As usual, she looks breathtaking. She is absolutely stunning standing next to him. The way she held his hand, the familiar, yet affectionate way she did it..it made several girls uneasy. It's like she's making a statement. It doesn't matter if you are noble. You will need his approval to amount to anything at all. There's only so much society can give you. When it comes down to it, the married life can only be fought by you. Saif suddenly seemed very dangerous..
But a mine of gold is expected to be hard to excavate right! Some of the girls get a fierce look in their eyes, desiring to bring Maree down a peg or too just to prove to her in the end she's nothing. But..
I saw the exact time so many of these girls gave up hope. For Saif to treat Maree with this level of affection in public, doesn't it mean that he agrees with her analysis? That she's number one in his eyes despite what society demands of him?
But then I looked over at Yesmin. Studying her. Without a doubt, this girl is even more dangerous than Sultana! The blank way she stared at the couple made it look like she has no thoughts.
No though are seriously bigger than bad thoughts by so many levels. People who are capable of hiding their expression are the worst.
I used to be able to do that too.
I've grown soft and I began to love life... I grew amiable and I've lived by the wrong principles.
I have never thought it will take this to change my view of life completely. Once,mi didn't have any ambition other than my sisters. At every turn, I was proven too useless to truly help them.
Once, I bet on Saif and my marriage. Then even that was destroyed because I was too helpless..
And now...
I realized that aside from being by his side, I don't have any ambition. I always thought that if I was to be by his side, I could live peacefully with my kids without regret.
How much is life?
At most, life is just a few years of ups and downs. At most, just sixty to seventy years of struggle. Why dream so much? If you must leave it in the end, it is not worth it.
I used to think that.
I didn't think there was anything of value worth fighting for other than relationships. How wrong was I!
I was naive and shortsighted.
There's a reason why most people fight for life. I realize that only when you fight for life could you fight for death, for family, for friends, for you...
Money has its resources. Character defines a person. Behavior shapes that person. But accomplishments..now that...
That represents a person.
What did I truly achieve until now?
I didn't like school and even when I went to BUK, I did it because I just wish to get it over with. I didn't have the luxury to have a primary school certificate, a secondary school certificate. Even though I've gotten an opportunity to get a tertiary certificate, somehow, it was not in my destiny..
When I work, I'm always thinking of how much will be enough to make ends meet. Nothing more!
My cooking classes were one of a kind. If I took it more seriously, I don't doubt I would've been successful with it. But, I always feel its something I needed to do to survive and I don't need to do so much for that much..
I was lazy and I was stupid.
No one should look down on money and accomplishments.
When people see your resume, they have this awe inspiring respect once it is attractive. Resume of life..resume of school..
I feel ashamed.
Saif had predicted this outcome for me. He wanted me to go to school so I can support myself without relying on anyone!
When I saw how content he looked, waltzing around with his adorable wife..I feel bitter. I feel hurt...
His eyes have followed me once or twice I guess. But it still means that he wasn't ready to seek me out. He didn't even look like its on his agenda.
Like I'm fading away slowly..
I can't blame Maree for flaunting much. If I had the same opportunity, wouldn't I do the same?
But thankfully. Now I know that I can't have him every time that I needed him. Sometimes..things happen.
Sitting around feeling sorry will not help me. For once since the Marka period of my life, I felt a chilling intensity in my bones. This place...Maicki. This isn't a place for the faint hearted. The weak will be bullied and the strong will always win.
But this world is Saif's world.
Love doesn't fade in a day. So I don't doubt he still cares about me. For now, it's enough. I know if I tried hard enough, I can make it too!
I suddenly feel a desire to stand by him where no one can have any say at all. At the very pinnacle where I have ties with this man that is more than just personal.
I don't know what is going on with him. But I know, he needs people who will be loyal to him. People like me..
I'm smart and intelligent..
I can work my way to a place that would not be shaken. From there..Who knows! My kids might not need to rely on the Alkali name to survive!
I will be strong for me first. Then for them so I can also be a pillar in their lives. I want to benefit not only my self but the society too. From this day onwards..I wish to reborn. I want to amass such heavy accomplishments that everyone will be forced to respect me, and see me as part of the chess board. And not just the chess piece!
Perhaps this isn't the first time that I've made resolutions. But this feels like my last. Because..no matter what..I will make Saif proud. So proud, he won't need any other woman by his side except me..
I realize, this is my bottom line. Yesmin..she is the last hit on my equilibrium. I don't care whoever it is. Saif is mine. It's okay if I don't need to be the only one in his life. That is Allah's decree so I won't ever fight that. But for any woman to think of eliminating me at will.. I don't have that tolerance any longer.
I've been pushed to my limit and it's time I rise.
Whatever happened in the past, I will forget it. Saif hurt me once. Abba did too. But I will let it all go because I'm going to start afresh and hope that it's going to be better this time around.
When I left that party, I don't think many people realized it at all. Who cares after all? The only reason I was there pretended to be a stranger when he looks at me.
I went home and I locked myself in my room as I thought about everything. I tried very hard to be strong. I will not cry. I will endure this.
Later, I couldn't sleep. I knew I needed to start if I really want to make a difference.
So I walked out of my room and went towards Abba's room. For once, Abba is my first step to reaching my goal. I'm just nervous that he might not really want to help.
I knocked on his door even though it's night. I saw his car when I came home so I know he is here.
So when Abba opened the door, he looks very sleepy considering the time.
"Abba..I'm sorry for disturbing you. Can we talk?" I asked politely.
Abba quickly looks awake. He stared at me with a frown but I can't guess what he's thinking. But he nodded affirmatively and that made me feel relieved. After all, abba is not one to be predictable. Who knows when he might deem it fit to come home again?
We went to the sitting room and we both sat down. I said " abba. I don't know what you have done with my sisters but..can you please give them a message for me?"
Abba's frown deepened and he finally nodded.
I smiled. "Thank you Abba. I will write a letter for each of them. Please make sure they receive it" I begged and he nodded once again. I sighed.
"Abba. Can you take me on as your apprentice? I wish to learn about computers, coding and hacking. Whatever you can teach me" I pleaded.
Abba's eyes widened. I've never seen him so shocked before.
"Minaa what happened?" He asked me.
I looked down, avoiding his gaze as I said "don't worry about me. I'm fine. I just really wish to learn" I told him.
Abba nodded. I can see he is curious but he refrained from asking.
"I will teach you, under one condition" he told me.
I nodded. I would agree to anything if it isn't beyond me.
"There's a computer institute here in Raome. It's a private academy the teaches computer studies. If you can graduate after a year and if you can break their current school records..I will not only teach you everything I know, I will also give you my job" he promised.
Shocked, I looked up at Abba. Is he for real? How did he know that my aim is to be close to Saif so I can help him? And even if money is my problem, that worry will become history. And if it's recognition I seek? What better way than to be at a place not anyone can just be there? Abba is untouchable! Can I truly be able to take on his job?
"Will..the company agree?" I asked skeptically. I mean, I am just too young..
"You don't need to worry about that" he promised me. "I trust the 'Ascent computer institute' I trust their qualifications and their system is transparent. If you do graduate with flying colors, no one will dispute your capability" Abba ensured me.a slow smile crept over my face and I nodded quickly. "I will work hard Abba. I definitely will!" I promised him.
Abba nodded at that and he said "the letters, bring them now. I'm leaving in a bit" he stated. Talk about weird. It's the middle of the night!
So I went to my room and wrote them all. I resisted the urge to cry through them though. I never knew I missed them So much!
Abba accepted the letters and walked out.
The next day, It was very quiet. I wondered why Marka was so silent. Isn't she home?
Bibi didn't say a word to me as she kept looking at me while I pretended to be alright. There's a deep sadness about her that touched me. She knew how hurt I must feel but there's just nothing she could do about it!
"Did you see Marka?" I asked her.
Bibi hissed. "Who cares? Jiddah and Hani weren't home since yesterday. I'm worried that your father must've taken them away" Bibi whispered.
My eyes widened at that. Could that be really true? Where will he take them?
I left Bibi and went straight for Marka's room. Who would've thought that I would find Marka lying on her bed, shaking from fever? And is that..lash marks I'm seeing on her arm? Strange.
Maybe she hurt herself during one of her nightly activities!
The girls were nowhere to be found.
"Where are my sisters?" I asked fearfully.
Marka finally saw me. Her eyes were bloodshot from either pain or suffering. But even in this condition, she didn't seem to forget to glare at me as she said "kinji dadi koh? Nace are you happy?!" She growled angrily. I just stared at her with a blank look. This level of endurance is admirable! She's in so much pain already. Why must she fight? I shook my head and left her. She's not worth it. But where are my sisters?
In the blink of an eye, it's been three days since my sisters disappeared. Abba was nowhere to be found. Marka cries all the time in her room but refuses anyone's help. Not that we really wish to help her. But she's in so much pain that we all felt bad about ignoring her.
The fourth day is a Tuesday. I have organized all the things I wore for the party, thinking of selling them all so I can buy a few outfits for myself and Bibi since I no longer have Abba's credit card.
But then we heard a commotion outside.
Bibi rushed towards the window so she could see what is happening.
"Mina come! See! See! So many cars! What are they doing here?!" She asked excitedly.
"Aiyooo! Mina it's the Royal parade!" Bibi whisper yelled. I shook my head at her before gently reminding her "Bibi, remember the big house next to ours? I heard that it belongs to the Abdallah's! Remember Yesmin is part of the chosen? They might be here for her. Afterall, she might be Saif's choice for his noble bride right?"
Bibi suddenly looks glum. I smiled wanly in my effort to convince her. "Don't worry Bibi. Saif knows what he is doing right? If he chose Yesmin, there's nothing I can do about that. I wish him all the best" I told her.
Bibi looks very glum. Suddenly, tears filled her eyes and she said "I regret what I did to you and your Mom Amal. I'm so sorry" then she began to cry earnestly...
Confused, I asked carefully. "Me and my mom?"
Bibi nodded as she broke down into sobs like she cannot contain it any longer. "I did this to you. I've hurt so many people..but by Allah this was not my intention!" She cried. She was inconsolable and I was even more confused.
I wrapped my arms around her feeling the pain of her tears. Bibi has grown to be so close to me she's like my own grandmother. Despite her secrets, I do love her very much and I wouldn't want her to be in pain.
But..
What exactly did she do?
A/N
Yeah! Bibi, what did you do?
Can you guess?
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I'm updating two chapter today. Your comments truly motivate me to write.
Bye.