"Do you mind if sit out here with you?" Fran asked as she saw Stef take a seat on the back steps smoking. The younger blonde felt bad for she and Frankie had made a promise to each other to no longer smoke. Once again it was a habit that was killing her not to mention Frankie who was still sneaking them as well. She had come outside for she just wasn't sure how to feel about this and needed air. Alot of it as she thought back to her therapy sessions on how to handle shit like this that seemed to hit her as soon as she got out. Dealing with Sharon's death was one thing but this was an entire different thing. Way different and was a complete mind fuck. The four woman had began their small talk in the kitchen over coffee as Fran noticed Stef grow more and more uncomfortable. There were issues they needed to address no matter how hard they were especially about the 30 year gap and her abusive sister.
"Of course."
Taking a seat beside her niece Fran could only smile warmly at her as Stef returned it lost for words. Part of her felt like that ten year old that just wanted to talk her head off but she didn't know how to be that anymore. She didn't and her mind was filled with confusion, pain and heartache. The years lost between them, the fact that Sharon told her she was dead, everything.
"I'm sorry it's a shitty habit. One you warned me about." Stef joked taking a puff.
"It's a tough one to break. I quit ten years ago." Fran admitted for once she lost Stef she slowly began to smoke herself to death not to mention drink. But she had since gotten past that and was clean of everything realizing she couldn't do that to herself or her wife. It would do no one any good. Debs support had gotten her through the worst of times much like Lena's support for Stef.
"You?"
"Yes. Debbie said she couldn't take it anymore. Which I got. Our house smells alot better and so do I. I think part of it was the job."
"Yeah I could see that."
"It suits you very well sweetheart. I always wondered what you would end up being."
"Yeah?" Stef whispered looking back to her aunt who smiled. Putting her cigarette out she felt her phone vibrate and pulling it out her pocket she saw Frankie's number come up. "Excuse me it's my daughter."
"Of course." Fran said smiling as she couldn't help but wonder how many kids Stef did have, if her and Lena were together and what her life was like. But she would not pry and try to take things slowly for even as a little girl Stef was very sensitive and overwhelmed easily.
"Hey sweetness what's up? Yeah, I think that sounds goods babygirl. You liked that class last semester right? Alright then you know what to do and do me a favor my love just pick Jude up for me. Lena and I will be a little late. Ok, thank you sweetness. Love you baby." She said hanging up as Fran couldn't help but smile at how affectionate she was. So much like her as she realized now Stef had at least one boy and one girl.
"Sorry about that."
"That's ok. How old is your little girl?"
"22 going on 50." The young cop laughed as Fran did as well.
"That's sweet. And is Jude your son?"
"Yeah. He's 10 going on 40 as well."
"Isn't that always the case."
"Yeah I guess." The younger blonde said with a sharp tone that Fran continued to pick up on.
"You were 10 going on 40 as well."
"Well when you have a mother like Sharon you have no choice." Stef snapped back as the older blonde felt her heart break a bit.
"You are angry with me."
"I'm not anything."
"I beg to differ baby. You are angry and you wonder why I never found you?"
"I'm sure you looked. You had a life to live too and I'm sure you had your own kids."
Glancing to her niece Fran gently rested her hand on Stef's as the younger blonde looked to her almost as if she didn't care. But why?
"Babygirl, you were my life and I never stopped looking for you. Neither me or Debbie. Ever and you were my kid. You were my little girl and sweetheart I couldn't tell you everything in that letter and everything that was going on at the time. I...
"Do you know my mother told me you were dead. That you and Debbie died." Stef laughed awkwardly.
"What?"
"Yeah. After we moved the 100th time she told me. She took me to some shitty Denny's on my birthday and told me. Said you got into a car accident and were dead."
"Jesus. I can't believe she would tell you that. Jesus. Baby I'm so sorry I...
"I mean why wouldn't I believe her?Because I wrote you. I wrote you so many times. You never answered me back and I waited by that damm mailbox everyday. Every single day and nothing. Nothing and that was dumb of me. I couldn't remember your phone number for shit after awhile and half the time we didn't even have one."
"Stef, look at me baby. Look at me. Please" Fran said gently grabbing her hand as Stef looked into her eyes but putting walls up around herself. She wasn't sure why she was being this way, why was she being like this to the woman that loved her and always had. Why? It wasn't' fare and she knew it.
"I got one of your letters baby and I went to the house on the return address but by the time I made it there you were gone. Each and every time I got wind of where you were I never got to you in time and I hated myself for that. And each time, each time it killed me inside knowing that my sister was always one step ahead of me...I"
"You told me that you would find me. That you would get me back and...and I waited for you! I waited and you never came! Ever!" Stef yelled almost exploding as she got up and feeling her chest beating fast. Fran got up herself grabbing her hand again which the younger blonde pulled away from.
"Baby, I was working hard to get you. I wanted to adopt you and I had plans to adopt you. Me and Debbie and I swear it to you I had the entire police department looking for you. I never stopped one day ever. Ever. Ever!" Fran began as she felt tears roll down her face at how hurt her little girl was. The thirty years had done there damage and she knew it was not going to be as simple as hugging her and making her feelings disappear. There was much more here, much more that she had no idea about. She didn't know what Stef's life had truly been like but she knew it had been hard, difficult, abusive, and heartbreaking. To learn that Sharon lied to her and told her that they were dead was unbelievable and she never thought her sister would stoop that low. But of course she did, that was her and typical for that alone put Stef through a sort of pain even she didn't understand. How could she comfort her, how could she explain to her and show her that she loved her so much and make her remember. Make her remember and try to un do all the shit Sharon had done. It was hard right now for Stef wasn't 10. She was 40.
"Stef, I loved you more than life itself. I always have baby and had it been up to me you would never have went back with Sharon. Not in a million years and many times Debbie and I thought of just taking you, leaving and hiding. That night they took you, Sharon put a restraining order out against me and I wasn't allowed near you. And I should just have left with you and risked it all. Honey, I am so sorry baby. I am sorry sorry for what she did to you. I am so sorry I didn't find you. I am so sorry she lied to you and told you we were dead. I'm so sorry I didn't get to you like I promised. I...
"I can't be here. I can't I need to go." Stef said feeling so much anxiety as she quickly walked off as Fran followed behind her entering the house were Lena and Deb were talking.
"Babygirl....please honey." The older blonde called after as Stef turned around once again facing her but holding back her tears. She just couldn't and didn't know how to deal with any of this and she knew she was handling it in a terrible way. Lena could also see how visibly upset she was as she got up herself along with Deb confused.
"I can't. I can't.Ok. Please just, just leave me alone. I can't deal with this right now." Walking off and out into the car Lena could only look at Fran who was so heartbroken as Debbie walked closer to her grabbing her hand.
"She, this is alot for her. She's had a very hard time." Lena admitted to both women as Fran could feel her wife's hand inside of hers wanting more than anything to run after her niece.
"Of course. We know. It's alot." Debbie said. "And I'm sure she needs time. We understand right baby?"
"Yes." My poor little girl. It's all my fault." Fran said feeling her tears run down her face as her wife held her close.
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Well Stef didn't handle that very well. She is super angry at her aunt. I wonder why? :(
Poor Fran :(