I wake up in an okay mood, which is odd. Usually when I wake up all I want to do is go back to sleep and not have to go to the hell that is school. If I go to school, I get to see Phil, so I suppose that's a good reason to feel okay about it. I want to get there as soon as possible. I want to see Phil Lester.
Whenever we talk I feel this sort of tingle, which I honestly can't tell if it's physical or if it's just in my mind. My cheeks always feel hot, a blush spread across them. This must be what it's like to like someone- as a friend, obviously.
I take a quick shower, causing my hair to go curlier than usual, which I don't mind too much. I pull a large, light grey sweater over my head, along with a pair of white shorts, covering enough of my thighs so that no scares poke out. No matter how much I hate having scars, I deserve them. I deserve the pain because I'm worthless like everyone always tells me. Everyone except Phil, because Phil is insane, but that's a good thing.
I look at myself in the mirror, frowning. I forgot a flower crown! I pull out one that consists of silver flowers, placing it gently on my head of curls. I look back in the mirror and smile. I like the outfit. Not so much the boy in it, but maybe I can work on that. Maybe. There's nothing about myself that I love- okay maybe the curls. I don't love anything.
That's a lie. I love Phil. Platonically. Bad things happen when I love people, but surely Phil wouldn't hurt me like they did. Maybe being my friend is all a ploy so that he can hurt me.
No. Surely not. He doesn't shout at me like they did. He says nice things to me like they didn't.