The thought of Dan is currently lingering through my mind; not necessarily good things, but they're still thoughts. It's weird to have this boy in a primary part of my mind, after knowing about him for years but now suddenly being impacted in the past few days.
I don't know why my attention has been grasped by him, but I can't help but imagine what it'd be like if he weren't scared of me, and I didn't find his dress sense obnoxious. Maybe gay guys would find that kind of thing attractive, but I'm straight. I know I'm straight because I can't imagine finding those skirts he wears sexy, nor can I imagine be being on top of him, and fuck, biting his neck. None of those things ever cross my mind, because I am straight.
Sure, I've never had a thing for any girl, but it's just cause I don't like any of the ones I know. I can acknowledge that they're pretty, but I can't acknowledge that Dan Howell is fucking gorgeous, because I'm straight. It's a common fact that Dan's gay, and it doesn't take much intellect to see it yourself.
I'm going to have to use my art skills, which are completely lacking, to paint Dan in a few days time. I don't want to look at anyone's face for that long, especially Dan's. How am I supposed to encompass his stupid coffee brown eyes or weird pretty curls; or his unattractive perfect facial structure?
So yes, I am thinking about Dan; but I think a lot, so it was bound to happen eventually. Another thing my mind flickers to is how different I am to what people would think. Dan's scared of me, but I'm just not scary. I smile at old people when they pass me. I love animals, I'm happy.
Most punks would probably be cutting and crying right now because it's a stereotype that they aren't happy, but I am. I'm doing something more like what Dan's doing now. I can imagine that he's reading a book or scrolling through the internet now, maybe painting. Something creative, and something bright. As for me, I'm listening to music and letting the light of my screen burn into my eyes as I read something from a blog on Tumblr.