Emily!
I had dinner with Clinton and we didn't eat much, just talked. A lot. He made me laugh, but I told him about my past with Marcel, Reece, all that, and how relationships wasn't right for me. I just thought it wasn't a good idea, he agreed but said if anything should he'd love to marry me, yes marry me! I was amazed but kept it all inside, I would keep that in mind because I really liked him, but instead of jumping into relationships, I'll wait and study his personality, no rush, he said. When I got home Nicole was with Michael painting his nails. I sighed and went upstairs and collapsed on my bed and thought, things have changed since I moved here. Next year I was moving into my own home in California, things were looking up. I wanted Nicole to have the happiest childhood, and she was, everything I never had, I provided for her, not once was she sad, she was happy, I was happy. I felt new, like everyday. As I got older I started going through the past, it felt like centuries ago, but it was only a few years.
Months went by, it was getting to another year, and closer to Nic's birthday. I had many things on my mind, moving homes, Nicole's 7th birthday, also I was thinking of visiting Grandma, I don't even know if she's still alive, but I had an email a few days ago that "All family of Agnes Brown allowed visit for 80th birthday." I ignored it for several months, I mean like 7, but I thought about it and thought it was a good idea. Nicole can meet her great grandma, and I can see if she's fit enough, I wasn't gonna be surprised if she didn't remember me because I don't have my psychotic disorder any more, and I am just like a normal woman, just with a lot of history. I got my laptop and replied to the mail, I had already ordered the tickets, and seeing as it was the summer break for Nicole I was taking her. Just me her and Viv, she knew about my history. She wanted to come and see if the boys really had big bags down there, waste of money but she never travelled apart from going to St. Lucia for this cultural trip when she was in the 9th grade, I don't know. Nicole came in and jumped on the bed.
"Tired ma?" I nodded and hugged her, she lay her head on my chest.
"Babe we need to go away for abit." I sighed.
"Where?"
"England, were I'm from!"
"Oh my gosh! Ma! I heard the Queen lives there in a posh place called London, and she skips by the tames river or something, thanes, Thames?" She said confused. I giggled.
"The river Thames, and no she doesn't."
"That's what Lemar said in class." I laughed.
"We're going next week, so I've been packing." I said.
"Oh cool."
"Mmhmm."
"What we doing there? Holiday?"
"Well kind of, I need to see my grandma."
"Yo' daddy's mama?" I nodded.
"Oh nice, okay, yay I'm going to England." She jumped and ran out the room. I sighed and listen to her excitement and I knew she was doing cartwheels because I could hear movement. I rolled my eyes got up, took off my shoes and continued packing, they all knew because Viv took them on the hunt for clothes. It wasn't even a holiday, I needed to see Grandma and spend a few days showing them around then we're hitting Italy and coming back...
We were saying out goodbyes at the airport to the bunch.
"Vivian listen to me baby, I love you, I don't want you causing arguments and unnecessary problems for Emma." Her mum said hugging her.
"Mama I'ma go wild, I'm going London, that bit further away, I'ma go wild!" She laughed and started jumping, Nicole said bye to Michael and Clinton, her favourite, she stepped on Dale's shoes and ran to me, I held her hands and we said one final goodbye and walked past security.
"I'm so excited like!" Viv said. I wasn't really looking forward to seeing England, everything I left, how I left it. It didn't haunt me till today, I was doing this for Grandma, it's been years since I last visited her, weather she knows me or not. We all held hands and walked outside and got onto the plane. 20 minutes later we were taking off.
"This is gonna be the best!" Viv said shouting, everyone looked at us and I laughed.
"Shh!" I said. Nicole ruffled her hair. I looked at it and tutted, she put her baseball cap on and yawned.
"You tired Nic?" She nodded and leant on me and watched the little TV screen, Viv kept eating the little snacks and burping, yep! She was excited. We were now up so high for about three hours. Viv looked at Nicole.
"She's sleeping," She whispered. I nodded. And rubbed her face.
"She thinks the Queen is like a Hollywood star." I rolled my eyes. We both laughed and started chatting about Oxford street and Westfield.
"I hope their all as sweet as you boo, because I love you, and I'll whoop ass if they try shit with me!" She warned, I laughed and we got served by the air hostess..
"Ladies and Gentlemen we are now in Heathrow Terminal 5, thank you for travelling with British airways, thank you." Everyone got up, and Nicole was fiddling with her belt. I undone it for her and we held hands on got off with our hand luggage. We got our bags and as soon as we got out, it was early morning, I got us a black taxi to South London, back to my old flat. I still had the keys, I wanted to sell it off after I move into my own house in LA, the amount of money I'd make is just profitable. I paid the driver and we all got out and walked up to my door.
"Damn these houses are small!" Nicole whispered.
"I know!" Viv said astonished. I laughed and opened the door. I walked in slowly amazed out how it was still the same as I left it years ago. It smelt of the old me too, and had that feeling of when I thought I was better in it.
"Err Emma who's house is this?"
"My old flat." I said laughing. It was so bad. We closed the door and left the bag in the corridor.
"Ma, you lived here?"
"Mmhmm."
"Wow!" She said amazed and wondered off.
"Everything is still here." Viv said.
"Yeah no one's been here, I was the last one." I sighed. I knew this because I changed the locks and everything was different before I left. I sighed and we all looked around, my bed sheets, everything. I changed a few things, we cleaned the whole place up and chucked things away. We had fun whilst cleaning, we put the radio on, and it was on London's heart. Nicole started shaking her bum and singing to Beyonce. I laughed and got new sheets for the bedroom as Viv hoovered.
"We need to cook." Viv moaned.
"Well err... I know! I'll order some food." I smiled.
"PIZZA!" Nicole shouted. I laughed and nodded. I got my old sim from my draw and inserted it into my old budget phone and called for a pizza.
"What topping?" I asked them.
"Hawaiian for me!" Viv shouted.
"Hawaiian please! You nic?" I asked.
"Erm, meat?" She said confused.
"Meat feast." I smiled. "Oh and I was chicken and sweetcorn, and some garlic bread with cheese. Oh one big pepsi. A chocolate fudge, 4 slices, ketchup and herbs sauce." I said smiling.
"Woahhh ma!" Nicole said. I laughed and it was ordered. I put the phone off and we continued cleaning, although we were exhausted, it was fun. The food came 30 minutes later and we sat behind the TV watching old movies I found in my cabinet.
"WOW! Gurrl you got some old movies, pretty woman?" Viv asked amazed. I laughed and covered Nicoles eyes when it got sexual.
"Ma! I've seen worse, Uncle dale watches stuff like that!" She moved my hands, me and Viv were both shocked.
"Watch when we go back Emma, he is getting it!" She said. I nodded in agreement, we let Nicole watch with us and we all fell asleep. I woke up half way through and picked Nicole up and took her to my room and put her in bed, I tucked her in and kissed her head. I watched her, she was so beautiful, just her stupidity of being a little tom boy. I combed my hands through her hair and felt the connection a mother and daughter have. Her lovely red curls sprung off my fingers and I smiled. I turned around got up and left, I went back to the living room and tapped Viv. She moved abit and stretched. She sat up and looked at me.
"I'm not happy to be here, I cannot wait till it's my grandma's birthday, and I go back. I want to get on with my life." I whispered.
"Emma, it's hard I know, but here's your home." I shook my head.
"If you knew me before, you would never think I could move on. I have and now I'm back,I sense all those old nasty vibes, I've moved on yes I know, but like, you know, seeing all these old things I haven't seen in 7/8 years is just weird." I rubbed my neck and thought.
"What about him." She said looking behind me, I turned slowly and looked at the picture of him on the wall. It was staring right at me. I bit my lip and felt all that love I had for him deep inside. I didn't want to fall in love because of him, also because I had his first child, and every time I looked at her, I saw him. I really did love him for all the time I knew him, but that's over now.
"What about him? He's probably moved away, knowing him, the last time I came back to find him, he was in Canada, probably in the middle of Ethiopia, who knows?" I laughed. She smiled.
"Do you still love him?" She asked. I shrugged.
"I love him because of Nicole, I don't know if its the love of friendship or love, love. I don't fall in love or let men in my life because of him, well Nicole, but Nicole is apart of him you see." I said. She nodded.
"It doesn't matter, you've got her, it's okay." She hugged me. I sighed and we soon went to bed, with Nicole lying in the middle...
...It's been almost two weeks. I did see Grandma, I went with Nicole, Viv waited outside, she actually remembered some things of the past. She remembered her son, and me being born, that's about it, but she said she remembered my face. So she remembered me, but not my name. She liked Nicole, I felt slightly uncomfortable being around her, but I stayed for the sake of my parents. When we left it made me cry, like happy tears, because she remembered me, she didn't become homely because she did, she just acted casual like "Yeah I remember you, so what?" I gave her hug, because something told me that's the last time I would see her. So that made me cry, for the first time in a long time. She wasn't my only family now, I had my gem Nicole, but loosing a family is unbearable sometimes when it's limited, God be with her.
I took them touring and fun places, they hated Mc Donald's and claimed American Maccy D's was much better, they loved fish and chips and also hated Starbucks, yes, again, theirs was much better! They made every English man and woman turn their heads, especially in east street market, they would shout for me when they wondered what the people were saying, everyone would talk to Nicole and she got free stuff. Viv was eyeing a lot of the boys and winking.
"Their too young Viv!" I whispered.
"Mmm how young?"
"18! 17!" I said.
"Ooo nice! My personal British toy boy!" She smiled. I cringed and walked off in Tesco picking up tin food. Nicole went wondering for maryland cookies.
Nicole.
I looooove Maryland cookies! I mean love maryland cookies! I was in Tascos or something, and was skipping down the isle and looking for stuff ma might need. You know they have some nice looking nigga's in here. I saw this guy holding biscuits I patted his hip, he looked down at me and smiled.
"Aww! Fam check this, ain't she cute!!" He said. His friend came and smiled.
"Aww yeah!"
"Erm anyways!" I said shaking my head. "Seeing as your holding a pack of rich teas, I wanna get some maryland ones, cosz you know, me and my ma love them!" I smiled polietly. They coo'ed at me and started acting like girls.
"You British boys are so un-mature." I said slightly laughing.
"She talks!" He said amazed. His friend laughed and showed me. It was at a top shelf. I looked at him like dirt.
"Yeah because gurl like me can really reach that!" I crossed my arms. He laughed and got it for me.
"There's two for 1 pound."
"Grab 4!" I said simply. He got them, and his friend watched me amazed.
"You got a sick accent."
"Right..." I said taking my biscuits. I walked off to ma and put then in her basket.
"Stop walking off Nic." She warned. I ran off and laughed. I kept asking people to pass me things I couldn't reach. I went back again when her and Vivi were queuing, I put everything in the basket and smiled.
"How many sweets! Gosh!" Ma said. I shrugged. She shook her head and we went to the till, damn these people all sound like her. It was so funny, I had to giggle. Funny. I liked it here, a bit, ma's grandma was okay, abit old, but lovely...
Emily.
"Order a taxi." Viv said to me. I saw a black cab outside,we all took the shopping outside to the cab and I told him the address, and we took off. When we got home we were filled with chatter. I packed everything up and cooked some pasta.
"We need to go out explore the area." Viv said to Emily.
"Yeah! Ma!" Nicole screamed.
"Nicky I can hear you." I rolled my eyes.
"Can me and Viv explore?" I just nodded and got on with the rest of the cooking. They started getting excited and got their shoes on. I let them go and wanted to make a nice chocolate cake, I needed to practise, Nicole's birthday was next week. I was rubbish with pastries but I loved cakes and cookies. So that would be a start.
They came back hours later, and Viv was at the door taking a boys number she met. Nicole and I sat there watching and eating cake. It was quite funny how Viv, a grown 25 year old likes younger guys. She had the body and the looks to seduce them so good on her. I couldn't wait to go back! Where as my little girl loved it.
"I like it here, their funny! I do miss baseball though." She said and it into her cake, I looked at the photo of her dad on the wall. She would walk past his photos back home, and not once did she think that was her dad, really weird. She didn't ask, and, she just thought what she had around her was normal. I sighed and looked at their similarities, their hair, the eyes and the button nose. Their personalities, everything. Wow two people don't know their related, I stand in the middle, and I'm a messenger of fate, but it's my choice to pick which road I walk towards, me and Nicole alone, or letting her know the important man in her life. Being the coward I am, I pick to walk away, and not let him know, he wouldn't want to see me! I'm the last person on his list. I'd like to keep it that way.