Emily!
?...And even though I'm leaving I will remember all those who helped me through the hard and nasty times I faced. Thank you, you were more like family than helpers.? I smiled. They all clapped and my group of friends and helpers hugged me. That year spending all my time there actually made me someone new. I was more out there! I wasn't quiet and bottling things inside, like I used to, I was taught new things, and my head felt clear. I didn't want to go home, I was on my own, but then again, I did this alone too.
?We'll miss you!? Yvette said hugging me. She had worse problems than me, but she had overcome them, and was leaving too.
?Bye Emily, oh and get that hawt thing's number for me, Mrs Miller's son!? I giggled and nodded.
I hadn't even seen him in a long time, I hadn't been in touch with friends, and I only saw Solange, once in a blue moon. So things were different. I went back to my dorm with all my presents and looked around, I was gonna miss this place. I packed all my stuff away and sat on the bed till Denzel's mum came in smiling.
?Hiya!? She smiled. I hugged her tight. She looked after me, she was like a mother to me.
?Thank you aunty!?
?It's okay. I see you like the daughter I should have had instead of that twat!? She referred to Denzel. I giggled and she sat next to me.
?How is he?? She shrugged.
?I haven't seen him in months, he had some court case, so I don't know where he is, they've cleared his name now, he's got a clean slate, which is good. You really changed him.? She smiled. I nodded slowly. I played with the beautiful bracelet he got me for my birthday, he did care, I just don't know what to say when I see him, I have nothing to say.
?Missed him?? She asked. I didn't reply.
?I don't know.? I said honestly. I don't know what I'd say if I saw him, all those things I did with him when I was not well, kinda made me feel nasty, my mind just made me do and say things, I slept with him, I still can't get over that.
?Why?? She asked. I shrugged and felt kind of shy.
?I know you guys did things together,? I looked at her quickly, and was shocked. She smiled and nodded.
?He told me a long time ago, boy is he not ashamed!? She said loudly. I hid my face. She laughed and I started laughing too.
?You two fooled everyone really good, I mean your in love with each other but you don't want to be together!?
?I don't love him that way!? I defended.
?Come one Emily!?
?It's true, the type of love I expressed to him was the same one I received from him, it wasn't that type of love.? I explained, she listened to everything I said and sighed.
?You two are confusing.?
?He can't love me, I don't want him to. It's gonna confuse me.? I said worried. She hugged me.
?Well he's slightly confused himself, don't worry honey.? I nodded and she gave me the last thing to put in my bag.
?From Rebecca!? She handed over a frame of me and her in a picture when we were at Bournemouth beach. I smiled and put it away in my bag and closed it.
?Come I've finished my shift I'll take you home, we looked after Pearl, she's gotten bigger.? She smiled.
?Oh thank you, I thought she would have starved to death.?
?Oh no, Denzel got her and left her with me, Joel kept touching its tail, and following him, he thought it was his brother. I even took her to the Single ladies meeting? She said. I laughed and we walked down the corridor. She took me back to hers and sat in the car waiting till she bang Pearl in her cage and her stuff. She saw me and her eyes lit up.
?I've missed you Pearl.? I smiled. She got back in the car and was quiet and she took me back to my flat. I hadn't seen this place in ages.
?Alright we're here.? She said helping me with my bags. I smiled and got my stuff and we went upstairs. I got the spare key and opened up. Everything was the same. For the old Emily's liking, not for mine. I was gonna turn this place around, I didn't like how it was. She looked around and saw glass pieces on the floor.
?It was just before...? I sighed. She nodded and put my stuff down.
?Your fine now, just take your medication like your suppose to, and just keep your self away from any intoxicated objects.? She smiled.
?Thank you so much!? I hugged her tight.
?Tell him I said hi.? I smiled. She nodded and soon left. I took Pearl out her cage, she was bigger now, no more the lil cat.
?Missed you, Emily's back now aye,? I hugged her and left her run free. I opened all the curtains and let light come through I'd never ever opened them. I tidied up completely and emptied all my old clothes. I kept all the nice things I liked. I looked at my scan photo of my baby and smiled.
?Another closed chapter in my life then!? I sighed and scrunched the paper and chucked it in the bin liners. She was gone, you move on and forget, it was a long time ago now. I didn't regret her happening, but God has plans for me, she just wasn't in them. I hovered the house and made some food and ate. I changed the living room around and got dressed and left the house. I wanted to dye my hair. Brown? Has been there for ages, my hair needed to be relaxed and cut too. I went to a afro hair shop and got a relaxer and dye. I went next door and they were free, my hair had grown to much it was hard to comb. She did everything, and did my eyebrows. It was quite a good price too. I smiled and walked out and checked my account. I never ever spent the money my dad left me, I didn't know what to buy. I saw starbucks. Let me begin with one of those fruppocinos. I sat there and drank it slowly. The guy at the till smiled at me. He was weird. He kept winking at me. It put me off so I left. I giggled to myself, his face was kind of funny. I went though shops and bought lots of things, my credit card became my best friend. I bought hundreds of pounds worth of clothes, and even changed into some treggings and a nice top, at the hospital home, I put more weight on because I was a little stick, for all the treatments, so I was curvy now and a size 10. It was sunny so I was gonna walk home. I took my shopping and walked down the long road to and soon turned into my road. I quickly went back into my flat and put my stuff down. I looked at my hair, she gave me a fringe too. I liked it. It made me wanna apply make up. So I did and looked nice. I liked it. I didn't look like me, but I did in a way. I put in my earrings, but I felt weird so I took them out, then thought then put them back in, and used my hair to cover it up. The door started knocking. I sighed and opened it quickly and paused. He looked at me for ages.
?Hi Denzel!? I waved and smiled politely.
?You alright.? He said coming in. I nodded. I closed the door and turned and he was right there, staring in my face. I looked at him weirdly, and raised an eyebrow. What's wrong with this boy?
?Denzel?? I smiled and put my arms out. He grabbed me and I screamed and laughed and he picked my up. I wrapped my legs around him, and hugged him.
?I missed you so much.? He said.
?Me too, it felt weird.? He kissed my neck. I looked at him and smiled. I got off and it went quiet, that night kept coming in my head, that was not good. I cleared my throat, and he was still staring.
?Why you staring??
?You look... different.? I looked in the mirror.
?It's these earring init, they make me look chavvy!?
?No you look beautiful.? I smiled.
?Thanks.? I smiled. He was still looking. I started feeling weird. I giggled.
?Denzel stop!? He laughed and punched my arm.
?Bully!? I stuck my tongue out and put my shoes back on.
?Let's go to yours!? I said holding his hands, I could feel his eyes staring into my back. We soon left and walked. We were both quiet. We got to his house, after some long silence. I saw that girl Chanelle, I wonder whatever happened between her and Denzel. She looked at me amazed, she still looked the same, she was pretty. She just went back in doors and I followed Denzel in.
His house was decorated, he must of done it, he's good at that stuff. Might get him to do mine at this rate! He sat down and I sat opposite and smiled at him.
?Your mum told you init?? He nodded. I nodded slowly.
?I feel so good now. I know I didn't want to go, but if it weren't you I'd die.? I smiled gently. He smiled.
?I was worried about you.?
?I know, and I'm sorry about everything.? I said and bite my nails.
?Aww it's okay.? I smiled and it was quiet again, and he kept looking at me. I started fidgeting. I played with my hair.
?Where's James?? He shrugged.
?He comes and goes, he last stayed here two weeks ago, he comes and goes really!? He said. It was quiet again. I just didn't have anything to say. He came and sat next to me and I slowly moved closer to him. He slowly put his arms around my waist.
?It's my birthday soon.?
?Yeah, having a party? Clubbing, getting drunk?? I laughed.
?We both know what happened when I did though?? I stopped laughing and looked away, I just wanted us to forget and move on.
?Yeah.? I said quietly.
?Hmm, I was thinking somewhere hot.? He smiled. I was slightly confused.
?Erm It's February, it's cold!? I said.
?Holiday. It would be sick.?
?Please not Ayia Napa!? I sighed.
?No like Spain!? He smiled.
?Erm all your friends aren't going to pay, their stingy little assholes!? I smiled. He laughed.
?What about just you and me.? I froze.
?Erm well err...it would be cool.? I said clearing my throat. He laughed.
?Are you sure?? I laughed and nodded.
?Good because I booked the tickets.?
?How did you know I would say yes?? I laughed.
?You never turn me down,? He said in my face. I smiled and nodded. I looked down at my hands, I was getting fidgety because he was staring at me, he was being such a perv. It was scary, but funny.
?Denzel you keep looking at me.? I laughed.
?Can't help it, you look so different.? I smiled.
?I changed my hair, and I like make up now, my friend Rebecca showed me how to put it on properly.? I said happily. He smiled and stoked my face. He's acting really different, he made me giggle.
?Your hairs nice, and your top.? He said stroking my arm.
?Thanks.? I smiled. He nodded and played with my hair.
?Why don't I make us dinner!? I smiled.
?Can I watch.?
?Yes of course! You learn something new everyday, I did at that place,? I smiled getting up. He got up too and wrapped his arms around me.
?Your batty's is bigger.?
?Denzel!?
?Sorry I can't help it!? He pushed himself onto me, and kissed my neck. I smiled and touched his arms, he'd gotten much more bigger in the muscles and those boy things they excerise with. He wouldn't let go, so I just cooked like that with him watching over my shoulders. I made some fried rice and found some raw chicken in his fridge and seasoned and cooked it.
?You cook some good food.?
?Thank you.? I smiled. I missed this, all of it, being with him and just doing normal stuff, he was always gonna be here, no matter where I go, I respected him for that. I finished and took our foods to the living room and he sat me on his lap and we started eating.
?You gotta pack, we're going in two weeks.? I smiled.
?Does your mum know??
?Hell yeah! She's like go!? I started laughing.
?It's hot there isn't it??
?Very, and they got all these things we can do and these places we can see.?
?Aww that's good. I need a holiday.? I said.
?I know,? I smiled happily and kissed his cheek.
?You got bigger!? I said.
?You got curvier!?
?Mmm you still eat like a pig.? I smiled.
?You still make my eyes light up when I see you.? I looked away shyly. He put his plate down and hugged me.
?I love you.? He said quietly. I remember him saying all these things when I was not well. I didn't want him to mean it that way, because I'd get hurt, somehow, he never stays with a girl, I know him, he gets bored and just leaves.
?Yeah...? I replied. I'm not gonna say I do if I don't and because he's Denzel, things have changed!
?No I'm seriously in love with you.? He said, very determined. I sighed and placed my head in my hands.
?Denzel, please don't!?
?I can't help it, I've tried for time, but your all I think about!? I didn't say nothing.
?I do Em, I really do, I love you.? I hadn't said that word in a long time, not since it was the day before my birthday and when I slightly still was not there.
?I don't need this now!? I sighed.
?I know, I'm sorry.? He said and sighed. He sat back, and didn't say anything more.
?I'm finding things difficult with these feelings?? I said quietly. He looked at me lost.
?Huh??
?Like I felt the same way, I wouldn't have have had sex with you if I didn't!? I blurted. He nodded slowly.
?Sorry.? I laughed silently. He grinned and sighed.
?Not fair, I didn't even get to enjoy that!? I started laughing.
?It was a sticky situation, but it's funny when I think about it! What a crazy girl I was!? I smiled. He grinned and nodded.
?So??
?I don't know if I feel the same way.? He sighed. ?BUT! I want you to just give me time, I don't want us to be like every one else, it's not right, just give me abit of time, just to get used to being Emily again, because right now, I want a lot of things, loads of things, and I doubt my feelings.? I said. He nodded, and understood. My mind was still making up it's mind. With Denzel, it could actually take years, and finally decided he's JUST a best friend.
?Still my best friend, whatever the situation.? I said. He nodded.
?All the mother fucking way!? I kissed his cheek and smiled. He hugged me and we sat in silence. I was feeling different about this holiday, slightly dreading wearing a bikini or something in front of my best friend, sweet Jesus help me. Since we weren't on holiday, I can act normal for a bit. It would come soon though, very...