"dan?" phil's voice is soft, breaking the constantly stretching silence between them and the younger boy slowly lifts his head off the cold window, turning his face to look at him.
"yeah?" he mumbles, voice tired and expression blank. he looks so lost in his thoughts, and his cheeks are flushed from being pressed to the freezing glass.
"we're about to reach in a few minutes," phil informs him, and dan just nods, proceeding to look out the window again. the back of his hand holds faint nail-marks from pressing in too hard and he traces his finger over the red bruises, sighing softly. phil is going to be mad if he sees them.
he just pulls his sleeves to cover his hands and takes a deep breath when phil speaks again, his deep voice cutting straight through dan's chaotic head.
"my mum doesn't know abou-" phil begins but dan cuts him off.
"about us? yeah don't worry," dan's tone holds a certain edge to it and phil sighs, running a hand through his fringe and looking over to the younger boy who has his lips pursed and brown eyes fixed outside the window.
"i'm sorry," phil extends his arm to place it on dan's knee but dan simply flinches at his touch, pushing his hand away and scooting away from phil.
"no, don't be, i am just stupid, i am the one who keeps on expecting things," he mutters under his breath and phil can feel the words stab him right in his chest. his heart hurts at the thought of dan denying any sort of contact and he hates the constant passive aggressive comments directed towards him.
he deserves it though. he was the reason their relationship refused to work out.
he can feel the wetness pooling in his eyes as he takes a deep breath trying to control his rapid heart rate. he tightens his grip on the steering wheel to avoid crying right now as his house is barely ten minutes from here and he doesn't want his family to see him crying when he meets them after so long.
dan glances at the older boy, watching his knuckles turn paler from the tight grip on the steering wheel and his cheeks flushed a light pink. his lower lip is slightly quivering as he holds it between his teeth and his eyes are glossed over when he raises one of his hands to wipe them.
"are you okay?" dan hates it. hates that he might have been the reason that phil is upset.
"i'm fine," phil is clearly lying, dan can tell by his voice. he sighs, watching as phil bites his lip harder, his eyes constantly watering and dan doesn't know what to do. sure, he is mad at phil and he doesn't want to talk to him but he can't see him cry. he can't see phil suffering right in front of him and do nothing about it, and so he hesitantly reaches forward, grabbing phil's empty hand in his and softly squeezing it to calm him down.
phil looks over to the younger boy at the gesture, pulling his hand away from him and shaking his head as the first few tears fall against his flushed cheeks.
"you don't have to, i know it's my fault," his voice is strained and dan's eyes soften at the words, an inaudible sigh leaving his chapped lips.
"i hate to see you cry," dan mumbles, watching as phil wipes his cheeks, sniffing slightly in the process.
"i'm sorry," is all phil can say as they near his childhood home. he can see the nostalgic building as he pulls into the driveway, blue eyes fixed on the familiar surroundings.
"is this your house?" dan asks, leaning forward to take a proper look out the window and phil nods, unable to speak as he parks his car beside his mother's old one. he turns off the engine, burying his face in his hands, trying to get rid of the moisture as he takes a deep breath.
after a few seconds of sitting in awkward silence as phil regained his composure and dan fixed his appearance, they both got out of the car, phil opening the trunk to take out their bags. dan volunteers this time, carrying his own bag as phil eyes him warily, sighing, but not arguing ask they climb up the few porch steps.
phil takes another deep breath, looking at dan one last time before jabbing his finger against the crooked buzzer, and soon enough, the white door opens, revealing a short woman with blonde hair, a bright smile on her face and sleek glasses resting upon her nose.
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i have published the first chapter of radio//phan i hope you guys like it! pls check it out x