50
December 25
Dear Diary,
"People cry not because love ends...but because it
continues even if it's over"
I hate this feeling. I hate being hurt. Who would have
thought that all those feelings, those excitement I felt
will all just become a dream. Now I can't wake up in
this nightmare.
Ansakit. Sagad! He left me without knowing anything.
Kasalanan ko rin naman dahil naging mahina ako.
But what now? Ano bang nagagawa ng mga pagsisisi ko?
Wala naman eh,..I just realize sana nuon ko pa ginawa.
But I just made my decision to settle things. Ayoko na
may pagsisihan pa sa huli. I can't just let him go.
I missed him badly and I'm dying to see him.
If only I can take away all this pain. Para tuloy
mas naiintindihan ko na yung nararamdaman ng mga
nababasa kong character and this feeling really
sucks.
---Neira---
Naging matamlay si Neira nang mga sumunod na araw. Kahit
ilang beses nyang kontakin si Renz ay hindi nya magawa.
Hindi nito sinasagot ang mga tawag nito.
Napagdesisyunan nyang puntahan ito sakanilang bahay.
Pinagbuksan sya ng isa sa mga katulong nito.
"Ahm...Si Lawrence po ba nandyan? Pwede po ba syang
makausap?"
"Ay..kaibigan ka ba ni Sir Jacob? Naku mam, wala na po
sila dito eh, nagpunta po sila ng kanyang mami sa Korea."
Parang gumuho naman ang mundo ni Neira sa narinig mula
sa katulong. Iniwan na sya ni Renz ng ganun-ganun lang.
"Ah..ahm..b.babalik pa po ba sila?" mahinang tanong ni
Neira.
"Ay, naku hindi ko po alam kung babalik sila."
"Ganun ba salamat"
Isinara na ng katulong ang malaking gate ng bahay. Naghihina
naman si Neira paglalakad sa tabi ng kalsada hanggang sa
tuluyan na syang napaupo.
"Renz..bakit ka ganyan, bakit mo ko iniwan" muli umiyak na
naman sya.
Daig pa nya ang pinapatay sa sakit na nararamdaman. Bakit kung
kelan mahal na mahal na nya ito saka naman ito nawala
sakanya.
Christmas. At parang walang ganang magcelebrate si Neira.
Ito na yata ang pinakamalungkot nyang pasko. Kahit wala na
sila ni Renz at kahit iniwan na sya nito naghanda pa rin
sya ng regalo para dito.
Kahit dapat si Renz ang bibili nito, hindi nya alam ang
naisipan at bumili sya ng couple's ring. Nakaengraved ang
pangalan nila sa mga singsing.
Ngunit paano pa nya maibibigay
ito kay Renz. Luha na naman ang naging karamay ni Neira.
Para bang hindi na sya nauubusan ng luha sa tuwing maiisip
si Renz.
"Ansakit, ansakit,sakit..." bulong nya sa sarili.
Maya-maya tumunog ang cellphone ni Neira. Tumatawag
si Matt. Christmas eve na malamang babati ito sakanya.
[Hello Matt..]
[Bhie! Merry Christmas]
[Merry Christmas din.] matamlay nyang bati,
[Pwede ka bang lumabas? Nandito ako sa may children's
playground sa loob ng village niyo]
[Huh? Anong ginagawa mo dyan?]
[Basta. Gusto kita makita, sige na lumabas ka na]
[Oh, sige magpapaalam lang ako]
Nagpaalam lang si Neira sa kanyang magulang na
magpapahangin lang sa labas at pinayagan naman sya.
Nakita nga nya si Matt na nakaupo sa may swing at
nakajacket ito. Nilapitan nya ito at agad naman
ngumiti ng makita sya.
"Bhie..Mabuti nakalabas ka. Merry Christmas!"
Agad nitong hinagip ang kamay nya at may dinukot sa
bulsa. Nakita nya na isinusuot nito sa kamay nya
ang isang bracelet na gawa sa makinang na briliante.
Sa tingin pa lang halatang mamahalin na.
"I didn't actually bought it. It was a remembrance
from my late lola. Sabi nya ibigay ko daw ito sa
babaeng sa tingin ko deserving. Sa babaeng mahal ko at
patuloy kong mamahalin" sabi nito nang tuluyan
nang maisuot sakanya ang bracelet.
Dahil sa mga sinabi ni Matt mas lalo syang nagkalakas
ng loob para makipaghiwalay dito. Matinding guilty
ang nararamdaman nya. She doesn't deserve
his love.
Hinubad nya ang suot na bracelet at nagtataka naman
syang tiningnan ni Matt.
"Matt..I don't deserve this. I don't deserve your
love. Im not worth it." pagsisimula nya.
Hindi naman maintindihan ni Matt ang magiging reaction
sa ginawa ni Neira.
"Bhie.."
"Matt..I knew I've been unfair to you all along. Natakot
kasi ako and I know I should face the consequences of
my actions. I thought all along that what I feel for you
is love, but I guess its not. Naging duwag ako na sabihin
sayo ang totoo dahil ayoko masaktan ka. Pero in the end,
hindi lang isang tao ang nasaktan ko.
I know I'm being stupid. Mali ako. Kasalanan ko...Pero
hindi ko na kayang magpanggap pa na mahal kita. Matt
sorry.." nagsimula nang umiyak si Neira.
Tahimik lang si Matt na nakatingin sakanya. His expression
is unreadable.
Nagulat na lang si Neira when he suddenly cupped her face and
drawn her lips into his. He was kissing her but not forcefully. He
was kissing her gently. Agad naman nyang itinulak si Matt.
"Matt..Stop.!" marahas nya itong itinulak.
His bright teeth glimmer in lights when he smirked.
"Is it because of that guy? That Renz? that's why you're
breaking up with me?" he asked calmly.
"That's not it." bulong ni Neira.
"The hell with it Neira!..So it means all along naglolokohan
lang tayo? What's with all your actions? Being sweet with me?
Pakitang tao?" galit na sambit ni Matt.
"It's because of that Renz right?"
"No. Matt..that's because I'm guilty with my actions.
Ayoko nang saktan ka."
"Fool me Neira. I know all along that you had
a secret affair with him."
Boom! Parang pinalaso ang dibdib ni Neira sa narinig.
Bigla syang natahimik. Matt knew it pero hindi man
lang sya nito kinonfront.
"I had suspicions before but I don't belive it, until
narinig ko ang usapan nyo noong Christmas party. Nakita
kita na tumakbo palayo so I followed you, pero nakita
ko rin si Renz na tumakbo kasunod mo. I hid under the
bushes at narinig ko ang lahat-lahat. I can't believe
na isang tulad mo pa ang magloloko sakin. I thought
all along na you're pure, you're innocent. akala ko lang
pala yun."
Hindi na malaman ni Neira ang sasabihin. Masasakit na
salita na ang naririnig nya kay Matt. Ano pa bang
ineexpect nya na yayakapin sya nito at sasabihing
ok lang lahat yun at pinatatawad na sya.
But she had one thing in mind before he leaves her.
Hindi pwedeng sya lang ang guilty sa bagay na ito.
"Matt..Let's break up."
"The hell will I do that!. You're mine at hindi
ko hahayaan na mapunta ka lang sakanya"
"Wala na kami ni Renz. Before I can break up with
you. He already broke up with me." tuluyan na namang
napaiyak si Neira.
"Will you stop it!"
"Matt.. I can't be with you anymore!"
"Bakit pa? Wala na kayo diba? That means pwede na tayo"
"No Matt! That's because I can't be Her!"
Para namang nagulat si Matt sa narinig. Hindi nya maintindihan
ang sinasabi ni Neira.
"Matt..I can't be Ericka, Hindi ako si Ericka. Magkaibang
tao kami."
Guilt was written all over Matt's face. Parang nawala lahat
ng kulay sa mukha nito dahil sa narinig. His eyes widened and
his jaw dropped. But suddenly he composed himself.
"A..ano bang sinasabi mo? Ericka is long gone and she's just
my sister" he denied.
"Yun na nga Matt eh, kahit matagal na syang wala hindi
mo pa rin sya malimutan..and she's not your sister, she's nobody's
sister dahil nag-iisa lang syang anak. Matt I knew it.
You still love her...and the reason you gained interest in me
that's because you remember her in me. Nakikita mo si Ericka
sakin.. Matt I'm not her. Wag na natin lokohin ang mga
sarili natin"
Lalo namang naguilty ang hitsura ni Matt at bakas ang
lungkot sakanyang mukha.
"Ikaw ang mahal ko." bulong ni Matt but enough for Neira to hear.
"Maybe that's what you thought too..Pero Matt not until hindi
mo nalilimutan yung feelings mo kay Ericka hindi mo ko
matutunang mahalin, that's what I learned. Maybe you like
me but it wasn't love. Everytime na aakalain mo na favorite
ko yung mga favorite ni Ericka, na allergy ako sa shrimp, na
takot ako sa aso..you were thinking of her..."
She cupped his face and looked straight in his eyes.
"Matt you should let me go. Dahil hindi totoo ang
nararamdaman natin para sa isa't isa. Hindi ako galit.
Because if I were in your shoes, I might look for the
same person over and over again..dahil I know hindi ganun
kadaling kalimutan ang tao lalo na kapag mahal na mahal
mo sya." pumatak ang mga luha ni Matt sa kamay ni Neira.
"Matt..mahal ko si Renz..at narealize ko na kahit
wala na sya sakin, patuloy ko pa rin syang minamahal.
Hindi ko sya kayang isuko lang ng basta basta. Now will
you tell me about you and Ericka?"
Naupo na sila sa swing at nang kumalma na ang kalooban
ni Matt nagsimula na itong magkwento.
"Ericka was my childhood bestfriend. Sabay kaming
lumaki at laging magkasama. Naging super close kami..
My feelings grew for her more than friends. I told
her about my feelings dahil nararamdaman ko rin
naman na she had same feelings for me.
Akala ko magiging kami, but she said instead na
she wanted to be my sister.. Dahil ayoko naman
na mawala yung closeness namin at ayoko na mailang
sya sakin. Pumayag ako na maging sister na lang
sya. Maybe it's better if we just stay as we were.
I had girlfriends but nothing serious para lang
ipakita sakanya na I totally forgot about my
feelings for her. Para hindi na sya magdoubt at
mailang sakin.
A year later she was diagnose with leukemia
stage four. Tinago nya samin ang lahat hanggang
sa tuluyang lumala ang sakit nya then she died.
I learned from her parents na she really had
feelings for me but she held back. Dahil alam
nya na may taning na ang buhay nya.
Ayaw nya akong umasa. Ayaw nya akong malungkot
kapag nawala sya, ayaw nyang mahalin ko sya
dahil natatakot sya na kapag nangyari yun, matatakot
sya na harapin ang kamatayan nya.
And until now my feelings for her remain unchanged.
Nung makilala kita I thought maybe I'll to forget
her. And I'm sorry about that.
Hindi pala ganun kadali, dahil sa inaraw-araw na
kasama kita, hinahanap-hanap ko pa rin sya at
hindi ko namamalayan na nakikita ko na pala si
Ericka sayo. Akala ko yung nararamdaman ko para sayo
ay iba sa nararamdaman ko para kay Ericka."
Matt smiled at her apologetically.
"I am letting you go..Neira..I'm really sorry"
"Matt I'm sorry too..Naging unfair ako sayo."
They were both crying. For the first time in his life
Matt found his comfort zone.
"Friends?" he offered his hand
Neira took it without a doubt.
"Friends!" then she smiled.
They hug each other in the cold Christmas breeze.
Atleast they were no longer guilty about this mistaken
love.
-------------------------------
A/N:Waaah! Best break up ever! Hehe.
Basahin nyo hanggang ending.