Karan
"No!.... No! Please. Dad?? Daddddd! "
I woke up with a jerk as I heard her screaming besides me. Sweating, shifting uncomfortably, mumbling something in her sleep, it all made me remember the day when we were in mumbai and she had the nightmare.
I shook her, trying to pull her back from the scaring world she was in. But she didn't respond me and keep on mumbling 'dad, mom'.
I pushed the questions erupting in my mind away and shook her again, calling
Out for her " Monami?? "
"Wake up. Monami" This time I shouted, which made it's way to her lost senses as she opened her eyes, afraid to face whatever she was seeing in her dream, she looked around. As soon as her eyes found me, she latched on me, holding tightly as if her life depends on it. And I did whatever was needed in that moment, patted her back and tried to calm her down.
"It's okay, It's okay Monami. It was just a dream. Calm down. " I tried, knowing the fact that I'm very bad at comforting people.
As her sobs started fading, I could hear her heart thumping loudly against my chest. Her uneven breaths and shivering body made me feel protective for her. And before I could realise or stop myself, my other hand went up to caress her hairs.
When finally she went all silent, I called out again, "Monami?? " But she didn't respond. So I pulled her back just to find out that she's already slept. Laying her back on the bed I brushed away some strands of hairs from her face and lyi down beside her at a decent distance.
I stared at the ceiling with wide awake eyes, as If I wasn't sleeping at all just some minutes ago. Whatever just happened, was enough to made my sleep run and jump out of the window and I realized that I am the most dumbest person in my knowing.
How the hell I can ignore all this?? In past three and half months, I never tried to know more about her. If not in a way to bond with her, atleast I should have tried it to find the truth. But I was so busy making myself believe that I hate her, that didn't even think about any of this.
My head got flooded with every single thing that could be suspicious about her, off course for the first time not in a negative way but in general.
The first thing that was occupying my head was her nightmares. I don't know how often she have them, it's our second night together. I don't know if it happens almost everyday or if it's got triggered by something. God dammit, I don't even know the reason.
But Sid must know. My inner voice reminded me.
And Why the hell bhai didn't let her go to her house?? He was so angry when she tried to convince him. And she doesn't even talk to her Uncle Aunt or cousins. Not to forget that no one ever saw her talking to her parents either.
My head got hammered with another realisation. I NEVER SAW DAD OR BHAI TALKING TO THEM EITHER.
Though, they claim to be in contact with them, but, I never saw them.
Shit!! There's definitely something big that I don't know.
My body stiffened as a hand came around my torso holding onto the side of my T-shirt, following it, came the head that snuggled into my side.
I felt as if my breaths got robbed out of my lungs. I stayed there, unmoving under her arm.
Well, the major issue of my life should be this girl. Actually she is. And I need to maintain my distance from her. Cause I know she's a bad news. But still, my actions are totally opposite of my opinions.
It's not that I didn't realised the change in my behavior since I'm back. I had decided a way different things but, it's hard to ignore her, and continue to being harsh on her. I know what I'm doing, I know the way my eyes look at her, My body responds to her touch and my words change their tone when it comes to her. I remember the depression in myself, when I couldn't find her that evening, and the rage to ripp out every fucking bone out of the body of those fuckers who dared to even think about touching her.
I KNOW EVERYTHING but I'm just trying not to acknowledge it all. If I did, there would be no coming back. Whatever I feel isn't enough to make me forget what I had tolerated because of her, what I could have lost because of her.
I sighed remembering the worst memories of my life and then looked down at the hand of that person who caused it all. But still couldn't make myself to throw that hand away, and cursed myself as I gently placed it on the bed shifting a little away from her.
I picked up my phone to check the time, but stiffened seeing the date.
It's her birthday.
.
.
.
I walked out of the kitchen with my coffee cup and hurried towards the study. But, collided with the person I was trying to ignore since I woke up.
She looked up at me and I looked away, avoiding the eye contact. But I noticed her frowning at my action before she walked inside the kitchen.
That was the only encounter we had today. I woke up before her, as usual but even earlier and took my stuff into one of the guest rooms to get ready. After that I only went out for the coffe and now I'm here, in the study pretending to be busy even asked Shreya to send my breakfast here only. My trance got interrupted by the ringing of my phone. I pulled it out from my pocket and sighed seeing the name that flashed.
"Yes Bhai" I swiped the green button and answered.
" How are you chotte?? "
"I'm fine bhai. How are you doing?? "
"Good. I just called you to rem-
" Remind that it's her birthday and I've to be even more careful and always by her side." I completed for him making him snort.
"Fine. Stop crying. We just can't take risk of you-forgetting-it. "
"How can I forget bhai. You've planted a living reminder in my life. Isn't this marriage all about that, Keeping The Monami Mahaajan safe?? " I said my words wrapping in sarcasm.
" Look, I don't have time to argue. Just take care of her. Bye" He said and before I could answer, disconnected the call.
Sighing, I checked the time, It was already time to leave for academy. So I got up heading outside and waited for her in the jeep, for another encounter, with hitched breaths.
And for why?? I don't know how to wish her HAPPY BIRTHDAY, or if I should wish her at all. I mean, for the past eight years, neither of had ever called each other on birthdays. So I'm feeling nervous and pretending to forgot it. But in reality, I've never ever forgotten her birthday, but always stopped myself at the last point to not to call her.
My trance got broken as she settled at the passanger seat. Forcing myself to check her for once if she's done, I again looked back at the road and drove away. I could feel her stare at me for the whole ride but I pretended to be so focused on the road to even notice it.
.
.
.
By the lunch, I had realised that I'm literally fucked up. I avoided all the day, leave talking to her, I didn't even looked at her for ones. But she doesn't even seems to care about that, as if lost in her old world. But a little part of me told that it was because I hadn't wished her.
You wish.
My conscience
But I don't know what had gotten into me when I ordered the cake for the evening. Even I am doubting myself to be some doppelganger.
And what would she think??
Jesus!!
I rubbed my tample thinking to cover up this stupidity of mine when I noticed Sid.
"Sidharth!! " I called out and he stopped in his tracks turning back to look at me.
"Hey. What's up. " He chirped like his best friend which had me scrunch my nose as I rushed towards him.
"I need a help. " I expressed scratching the bridge of my nose.
"What help?? " He raised his brow.
"Er... It's, um-
" Well Well, now what is it that had The Khadoos Shergill stuttering himself ? " He asked in amusement.
"Not here, come with me. " I said looking around if anyone was there to listen our convo and dragged him in mess.
"What?? "
" Okay Listen, you know it's her birthday. And I.. Er, I may have or haven't ordered cake for her." I scratched the bridge of my nose as his jaws dropped almost touching the floor.
"You did what?? " He confirmed in disbelief and I cleared my throat in nervousness.
"You heard me Sid. " I said grinding the words out of my mouth.
His disbelief soon transformed into amusement and mischief as a lopsided grin formed on his lips.
" Tease me about it and I'll make her birth anniversary and your death anniversary on the same day. " I warned making him close his wide open mouth.
"Okay fine. Now what do you want me to do." He asked.
" You have to- wait how come you and Koel hadn't planned anything for her?? " His expression changed like a chameleon and silence filled the air before he exhaled deeply.
"She doesn't celebrate her birthday's." He answered giving me a shock.
" But as much I remembered, She used to get crazy about her birthdays. ".
" Eight years aren't a short amount of time Karan, alot has changed. But unfortunately, you never cared to know that. "
"What exactly are you trying to say?? " I inquired feeling as if he wants to tell me something but is forced to stay silent.
"Nothing. Tell me what do you want me do. May be, this year can be a little different. But we better keep it as simple as possible. " He said bringing back the light in eyes ignoring the particular topic completely and I choose to go with it.
It can be attended another day later.
" Okay. I anyways have ordered a cake only. So let it be enough. And I just don't want her to know that I did it. Let her think that it's you." I said.
"Why?? She's already doesn't think you any less then a villian. Why to loose the chance of impressing her. I'm not- " He started taking a step back but I cut him off.
"It was a request, so far and if you are thinking to deny, take it as a warning. " I said and before he could pretest or rant about it I walked away.
"Karan Sir?? " I had just took some steps when Ustaaj ji called me.
" Yes.?? " I stopped turning to face him.
"Batra Sir Wanted to see you." He informed and I nodded before changing my direction to go.
I knocked on the door and entered inside after receiving a 'come in'
"Sir!! " I greeted making him look up at me.
"Shergill. At ease. Please take a seat." I did as he said. " Well, this isn't something professional, but personal." He started and I nodded signaling him to continue.
" I want you to take holidays. A proper leave like others do " He said making my had to snap up.
"But Sir-
" Before you start ranting let me complete. Shergill, Since the past three years you didn't even had two months of rest. You are my best commando, that's why most of the missions are given to you, so I want you to just give yourself some rest, go and reboot yourself. It's a right of every soldier to have atleast thirty days of leave per year. And you have all of them banked. So, Listen to me and go home. Spend some time with Monami, take her out somewhere. "
"But i don't want to Sir. Is there some problem with me or something? " I asked voicing my thoughts.
" No Shergill. Not at all. You have got married just now. So I want you to give some time to her and yourself too. Not saying as your senior but for the relationship we have without this uniform. "
I know, he had mentioned that last thing intentionally to make me agree.
"Fine sir. As you say. " I said giving up my defense.
"Great. Now I don't want you here for the next one month atleast. And also it's her birthday today. Go do something, training time is almost over. "
" But sir, What's the point of me being off duty and Monami on duty. I mean, it's who's getting the leave, she still has to continue right?? " I enquired in a hope to escape from this 'Holiday Troubles'
" It's been almost four months since she has joined, and she also didn't took any rest so far. So her request can be accepted. It would be counted as her yearly rests. " He explained making my hopes to shatter into pieces.
I nodded before taking permission to leave the cabin and walked out.
It feels like some conspiracy of destiny. I mean, I did this 'cake gesture' thinking it to be my last stupidity and then going back to my old self. But how the hell am I supposed to do it when we both are together every fucking minute for the next thirty days.
The more I'm trying to keep my distance with her, the more I'm being pushed towards her. Sometimes by the circumstances and sometimes it's my own fucked up conscience.
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