Song above doesn't have anything to do w the chapter but im obsessed w it and would loveee if u listened to it atleast once thanks babies, stream seven🤭🤭😌😍🥰😘😜 (ps listen to the explicit ver too if you're feeling frisky😏)
My heart stops. Well, not literally but it sure as hell feels like it.
After so long, pining and longing after this very man in front of me, he's finally asking me the words i could only dream of for my entire life. And I can't seem to answer.
The answer should be yes Alec, id wish nothing more.
Right?
Yet, the only thing i can focus on is the way Justin immediately straightens himself up, turns around and leaves.
I take a deep shaky breath and lightly pinch my wrist to make sure this is really happening.
I open my mouth to answer more times than i can count but the room remains painfully still.
Alec is sitting next to me, a hand on my knee as he smiles charmingly at me, no doubt sure that i would say yes any moment right. I had been so painfully obviously in love with him, even he had to have an idea at this point. But for the first time, I couldn't prove him right. My body physically wasn't letting me.
"It's not that i don't want to-" I start and his face falls. My heart cracks a little, past me was definitely cursing me out in every language there was. I couldn't help but feel like i was betraying her a little. This had been my dream for so long. Why couldn't i say yes already?
My brain shouted the same name over and over again as a response but i ignored it.
My mouth speaks on its own "but i think i just need some time to think-"
Think about what?
How am I considering Justin Adams right now? He was the biggest problem, the only thing standing in between Alec and I a few years ago and now im rejecting him because of him?
Was i sick? I needed to go for a check up after this.
The curly haired boy slumps back on the couch and sighs disappointedly.
"It's cause of Justin isn't it?" Alec suddenly asks and my eyes widen.
My lack of response must've been enough of an answer for him as he nods his head and stands up.
"It's fine," he continues, smiling at me. "That wasn't a no and im willing to wait as long as i have to." And then he leaves.
There was no way this was my life right now. It almost felt like an alternate reality, one that was based off of all my dreams since the ripe age of fourteen. Alec asked me out.. and i didn't say yes? I don't even get time to ponder on it because as soon as i get up from my seat to head to Elena's room, a hand harshly grips my forearm and pulls me into the hallway.
Its the hallways connecting the living room to their kitchen. It's fairly isolated from any eyes and so dark that I can't properly make out the features of the person who grabbed me until they push their face in front of mine.
Dark eyebrows are furrowed in anger and theres no doubt in my mind that Justin heard Alec's question for me. His normally honey brown eyes have a green tinge to them now, as they stare into my soul. My breath hitches at our close proximity.
After what happened last night, I don't think i can ever be this close to him like this again. Ignoring my rapidly beating heart, i push at his chest in faux anger just to create a distance between us again so i can breathe.
"What the hell Justin?" I ask, startled from the way he had suddenly grabbed me.
He ignores me and leads his hand to my waist, gripping my sides harshly with his hands to still me. My mind momentarily gives me a flashback to the last night we were in this position and I immediately shake the thought away. Looking at Justin however, i can tell he knew what i was thinking as he smirks slightly through his angry expression.
Gosh, this man is constantly angry around me.
"What did you tell him Sofia?" He asks, whispering the words in my ear.
I shiver slightly. "I don't know what you're talking about." I pretend.
He scoffs, and i regret making him angrier because angry Justin kisses me and with the way he's staring at my lips right now, I can't risk it.
"Yes you do, tell me what your answer was." He asks again, louder this time as he leans his forehead against mine. He's being such a bitch right now, crowding me in and making me feel flustered that i cant help my anger.
"I don't think it's any of your business." I reply back.
"Like hell it isn't." He answers back and i feel a squeeze on my hip. "You have five seconds to tell me princess."
I stay quiet and smile sarcastically at him, letting him know I wasn't about to say anything. "Why were you listening in on my private conversation anyway?" I quirk an eyebrow.
"God you're so stubborn i can't stand it-" he shakes his head as he laughs but i can tell he's annoyed.
"What are you gonna do about it?" I ask in a teasing voice. "Kiss me and run off again?" I regret the words as soon as they leave my lips.
Because at that, he smirks, proud and cocky.
"Maybe. Why, would you like that?" He whispers as he leans close to my face, lips brushing against my ear as he talks. Goosebumps arise on my skin and i can feel my fingertips buzzing with electricity, wanting to reach out and touch him.
But i dont. I don't have the time to, because right then Elena walks in.
"Hey Sofi- Oh!" She stops and covers her eyes as she turns her body around.
I push Justin off of me with a force, making him stumble back a little as he chuckles lowly at my freaked reaction.
"Sorry to interrupt guys!" Elena says as she removes two fingers from her eyes to check if we're done now. We weren't even kissing, and she's acting like we were indecent. I make a note in my head to chastise her about this later. She's embarrassing me!
"But uh, we have to leave Sofia, Beth called and she needs a ride home.." she trails off awkwardly as she looks back and forth between us.
"Okay-" i try to speak but my voice comes out a whisper. I clear my throat before repeating myself. "Okay, lets go then." I plan to ignore Justin and walk ahead when he grabs my hand as Elena and I start walking and pulls me in to whisper in my ear.
"You'll be answering my question later." And then he lets me go. I scurry to catch up to Elena.
When the blond headed girl and i finally make our way to our car, she immediately snaps her head at me with wide eyes.
"What the hell was that?!" She questions loudly and i groan, throwing my head back in despair.
"I have no fucking idea."
••
The ride to Beth is silent, albeit Elena not being able to stop staring at me every now and then.
The girl keeps her mouth shut however, noticing the existential crisis i was having.
One of her brothers asked me out and the other wants nothing more than for me to say no. And i did say no. Well.. did i?
I said i'd 'think about it'. What would i say once I've ran out of time to think about it? Was i going to reject Alec and potentially ruin our friendship? Or accept and lose Justin?
Ruining my friendship with Alec seems like the worst possible thing that could happen to my life right now. But, would losing Justin feel any better?
No, no it wouldn't screams my brain.
He was going to call me later and ask me what i told Alec, i already knew this. Yet I really didn't want him to know for some strange reason.
It was embarrassing to let him know that he had affected me so much i couldn't go out with the person we even started talking again for. He knew how badly i wanted Alec, he read my diary after all. If i let him know I couldn't stop thinking about him and for that reason alone i couldn't give Alec an answer, he'd probably think i liked him now. Which.. i convinced myself i couldn't be. I was attracted to him, yes. I mean who wouldn't be?
The man was a six foot something standing hunk piece of meat, as Beth often describes him.
Even a blind person could see the appeal of Justin. He was striking, as if he was carved by angels themselves. But i couldn't be any more than that, just physically attracted.
I betrayed my past self enough as it was, I couldn't do any more. Although i forgave Justin for everything, i didn't forget.
He was after all the reason i shrunk into my shell through the beginning of highschool. I trusted him, and he made a fool out of me.
He laughed when his friends called me fat and he took every opportunity to belittle me. Hes my friend now, but that's all he'll ever be. All i'll allow myself.
Then why couldn't i stop thinking about him?
His hurt face when i said our kiss didn't matter to me.. God it felt like my breath got taken away from me.
He did hurt me, he read my diary and embarrassed me, he let his friends call me fat, he was embarrassed with me. He told everyone i was a spoiled brat, he made everyone think i begged for him in my bed and laughed when people called me pathetic for even looking at someone like him when i looked like me. I knew this, it has been engraved in my brain repeating over and over every time i look at him.
But he also held me when i cried. He took me out on my birthday when everyone else forgot. He made me remember i was special, beautiful. He took care of my sister when he knew she was doing something potentially dangerous for me. He pretended to be my boyfriend so i could get the boy I've been pining over, with nothing in return for him. He did all these things, and more. That also repeated in my head every time i looked at him. What was i meant to do now?
My thoughts were interrupted as the sound of the door opening and shutting filled the car.
"Phew!" Expressed Beth as she got herself comfortable. "Thanks guys, sorry for ditching you." She said sheepishly.
Elena raised an eyebrow at her suspiciously. "Who did you ditch us for?"
Beth giggled and put a finger over her mouth in a 'shh' sign.
Elena rolled her eyes in amusement before starting the car up again.
"What's she so quiet for?" Beth tried whispering 'discreetly' to Elena but poked me in the arm with her entire strength.
Elena looked at me to check if she could say anything. At my silence she took it as a yes and sighed as she turned her head towards Beth.
"I caught her having babies with Justin."
At that i snapped my head at her, scandalised at her exaggeration.
Beth gasped dramatically. "What?!"
"Oh my God, no! No she didn't, Jesus Elena!" I cried out while she laughed like a maniac.
"Please explain yourself right now."
••
"Does this mean you're over Alec?" Beth asks once I've finished filling them both in what has been happening with Justin and I.
I let out a long sigh and that question. "I don't know." I answer back honestly.
Beth seems to be disappointed at my answer as she slumps back onto her seat.
"Do you have feelings for Justin, Sofia?" Asks Elena this time.
It should be weird to talk to my friend about her two brothers but it isn't at all. Looking at her face as she ask me that, i can tell she doesn't judge me for it. Feeling too embarrassed to answer, i just nod my head hesitantly.
She smiles knowingly and i ignore the small gasp from our other friend in the back seat. We were parked in the McDonald's parking lot, a milkshake in each of our hands.
"So you don't know if you still like Alec.." she trails off, looking at me for confirmation and i nod my head.
"But you know you have feelings for Justin." Beth finishes for her.
I groan at what they're implying. "It's actually not that easy guys, i'm attracted to Justin i don't know if what i feel for him is actually worthwhile."
Elena frowns and i worry i've offended her with the comment, knowing Justin is her favoured brother between the two. "Why would you think it isn't?" She questions and i'm not sure how to answer.
"Hes.. Justin." I sigh. "Just a few days ago he was all over Chloe. How can i know he's serious about this? Can i risk what I've wished my entire life for him?" I hadn't worded these words to myself even, but they were bothering me ever since i first let it slip to Justin that i have feelings for him.
He hadn't even told me if he has feelings for me back, he just kissed me then walked out. Until he spoke those three words to me, I couldn't risk anything. That was my problem.
"Guess you'll just have to take the risk Sof."
•
It was one AM, everyone in my house had drifted off to sleep a long time ago. I was lying in my bed once again not able to sleep with the thoughts plaguing my mind when i hear noises.
It sounds like rocks, hitting something. I sit up confused when i see a small pebble hitting my window for the third time.
I immediately head to it, investigating the person behind it. As i peek down i bite back the smile at the sight of him.
Who else could it be? His dimples are visible even in the dark. His black camaro stays parked on the street infront of the house as he waits outside for me, hands in his pocked and a cheeky smile on his full lips. I gesture for him to wait before i close my window and tiptoe out my room and down the stairs.
I join him in the cool air outside in my hello kitty pyjamas and white fluffy slippers while he looks cool in his usual attire, black tshirt hugging his figure perfectly and jeans. I cross my arms, slightly insecure but then he chuckles happily at the sight of me as he looks up and down.
"You look adorable." He whispers. I blush and swat his arm away as he plays with a strand of hair on my shoulder.
"Shut up, I wasn't expecting you to be here at this hour." I mumble with a blush on my face.
"Oh, i know." He laughs again and i lightly punch his shoulder.
When his laugh quiets down i look up at him nervously. I know why he's here, what he's waiting for as he looks down at me with an expecting face. But i feel too embarrassed to speak at all. He realises this as he sighs and steps half an inch closer.
"Are you gonna tell me 'Fie?" He whispers and its almost sensual as something wild moves around in my stomach.
I swallow nervously. "What do you want me to say?"
"What did you tell my brother?" He asks and all the playfulness from earlier dissipates.
I try not to groan as i look down at my hands. "I said i'd think about it." I finally decide to answer.
I fear to look up at him but i do it anyway. His brows are furrowed, he seems upset.
"What is there to think about?" He asks and i don't answer.
"Tell him no." He adds and the sensible butterflies that were flying around in my stomach earlier turn to a whole damn zoo.
"What?" I ask out of pure nervousness. He palms the side of my face and traces my cheek with his thumb.
"Tell him no." He repeats, softly. "You asked me why i didn't say anything about it last time? Now i'll say something. I want you to say no." He removes his hand but stays close to me.
"Thats all i wanted to say." He finishes with half a smile. "Goodnight princess." He whispers before he brings his face down and brushes the softest of kisses against my cheek.
Then, hes turned around and stepping in his car.
Its when his car finally zooms off that it settles in. I don't have an excuse now, he told me what he wants.
With that, i turn back into my room fall into a restless sleep with the same Adams brother plaguing my mind.
A/N
Hope u enjoyed lovies, thank u sm for 19k 🤍 cant believe i even get to say that🥹🤯
U guys are the best 💋