"It's just you and me again," Your grip loosened against the handle of the umbrella, letting it fall onto the ground that you sat on. In front of you—the [last name] family grave, "Kazuya." Multiple snowflakes fell onto your head now that the umbrella was no long covering you.
"It's Christmas Eve. Meaning that another year... has passed by." You knocked the base of the grave with your drink bottle, "Cheers, to another holiday." You've made it a tradition to come out and visit him every Christmas – no matter what the time of day was. That's why you've been outside in the cold snow for over half a day; it was now ten o'clock at night.
"I didn't forget your gift like last year." You nodded with your pride hanging on your shoulders, "Ta-da! I got you a pair of slippers. Now your feet won't be cold wherever you are. It'll match well with the beanie I got you for your birthday this year. And don't worry, I have it in my safekeepings! I wouldn't leave something like that out here."
Only God knows how you've lasted this long without going crazy today. Talking to Kazuya was really only a coping mechanism for yourself. It helped you know that you weren't alone by talking to him.
"I'll bring my friends here next time, if I can. That way I can introduce you to them. But I'm sure you see them around me all the time. Oh, I have an idea. I'll tell you what I got them for Christmas. Let's start off with Hina-san. I bought her a cute hair accessory of sakura blossoms. She was wearing a pink yukata for that festival in August and I thought it would go well with that... Wait, it's not like she's gonna be wearing her yukata everywhere. I'm an idiot." You rubbed your head of your thoughts before moving on.
"Then for Emma-san, I got her a beret, only because she looks good in everything. I thought it would suit her eyes. With Draken-san, I got him cheap rings. I can see him wearing a lot of jewellery in the future, or maybe not. But they'll look good on him. I bought mittens for Mikey-san. He's always complaining that his hands are cold that's why he likes to hold mine a lot. I was contemplating for a while what I should get Takemichi-san then it hit me – clothes! So I got him a shirt and pants. He should get some tips from Chifuyu-san, he cannot dress for his life.
"Speaking of Chifuyu-san, I got him cat toys. Well, they're for Peke J, but he'll like them too. I got Mitsuya-san a pocket sewing kit, it suits him! For the Kawata twins, I bought them each one of those toys from a crane game. They had to be the most expensive gift since I spent so many coins just trying to get them from the claw machines. Lastly, Baji-san. It might be simple, but I got him a bunch of shrine charms. I remember he carried one around so I thought it would be a good present. What do you think, Kazuya?"
Silence replied instead. "Yeah, I agree." You jokingly responded. "I didn't forget about mom or dad either. I got mom some beauty products and dad, a bottle of vitamins."
You shook your head of all the snow that had piled up, some falling onto your shoulders. Despite being next to him for so long, it's like you haven't even been there for five minutes. Time seemed endless when you're talking to Kazuya. You didn't hate it – instead, it calmed you from the storm you call life.
There wasn't anything to worry about when you were with him. It was probably your favourite spot in the whole world; right next to your big brother. "Even though I probably look happy, I'm really not, Kazuya. Nothing has felt right since you died... I know, I say this every year, but I just want to see you again. For one last time. I want you to hug me again and tell me that everything is going to be okay. I don't know if I want to be here anymore. I feel... I don't even know what I feel.
"My friends... they mean the world to me. I love them a lot. They make me happy. But, everything seems to point back at you though. Without you in my life anymore, it's as if I'm following a rocky road. A line that hasn't been drawn yet. I'm just walking aimlessly ahead. It's like everyone has dreams, while I'm stuck in the past. I don't get it though. I can't let go of you, Kazuya. I want you back... Hopefully, I'll be able to see you soon."
———
Baji was in a complicated mood this evening—both annoyed and excited. When he had told his mother that he was going out to meet you for a date on Christmas night, she immediately began to clean him up. As in giving his hair a proper wash, plucking his eyebrows and making sure that he chose an appropriate outfit.
In the end, she was proud of her work. Baji was now a clean looking young man, in comparison to that middle-aged man look he had on with that mangled mess he called hair. He didn't want to admit it, but his mom has good fashion sense. The black pants he had on with the beige coat and black scarf did make him look good.
Now, back to the present, he was waiting for you at a local park that was bustling with people. He never would've expected it to be this busy at this time – then again, he's never been out on Christmas night. Seeing so many people out was making him excited and fidgety. He wished he didn't come an hour early; he was just overthinking this whole thing.
Not to mention, your gift too. He had been planning this out since November came around. There were a few ideas that had been tossed around in his mind, such as accessories and clothing items. But he didn't want to do anything similar to Chifuyu. He noticed that new earring of yours; it was his vice-captain's. That blond boy was a threat to his relationship with you – which is why he ended up purchasing a bracelet.
It wasn't just any bracelet, it was a silver bracelet that had the first letter of his given name, coupled with the first letter of yours. The price of the gift didn't matter. He was waiting for this day to come since he bought it, but now that it was here, he was freaking out. What if you thought he was being too clingy? Or was it creepy of him to do this too? No, Baji needed to hang onto his pride.
As he was freaking out in his own feelings, he didn't notice you approach him. "Um... Baji-san? Are you okay? Also, how long have you been out here for? Your face is all red from the cold."
"[last name]-chan?! When did you get here?" He snapped out of his distracting thoughts, "Ah– Don't worry, I'm glad you're here."
"Hm..." You lifted up your hands and placed them on his cheeks. They've been warming up in your pockets on the walk here so hopefully they could heat up his cold face. "Feel better?"
"I always feel good when I'm with you." He placed his hands over yours and smooshed his cheeks together. "I won't keep you out for too long, I don't want to make your parents worried."
"It's okay, my mom is fine with it – as long as you call her if we're out later than 11. When I told her I was going out with she threw me out of the house and told me to not keep you waiting." You laughed at the memory, "So, where are we going?"
"Well, I thought it would be nice if we take a walk around the river. The path is like a mini light show because of how many fairy lights are on the bushes. I thought you would like it."
"Thanks for thinking so hard about it, Baji-san." You slipped your hands off his face and let them swing to your side, "Are you going to lead the way?"
"Yeah! Let's go." He turned his back around and began to walk forward, with you catching up. Baji stayed quiet; he was too shy to start up conversation. For some reason, today was different from your usual hang outs. Maybe because it was a real offical date?
He pressed his lips together and hunched over his shoulders. What was the next appropriate thing to do next? His eyes drifted from his sneakers to the right side of him, where you were. He then noticed something – your hand. Should he be the main character who takes the hand of the girl he likes? What if you don't like that though? But you wouldn't touch his face if you didn't like him.
"Fuck it." Baji took in a quick breath and took your left hand in his right. "Your hand looked cold."
"Thanks, Baji-san." He tugged you closer.
。。。
He was right on the dot with this date idea. The Christmas lights around the neighbourhood were absolutely stunning. There was even a light show that was playing on the water of the river. "You're enjoying yourself."
"I never knew that lights could be so cool. Thanks for inviting me out, Baji-san. It's nice to have company on a special day like this." He pouted and looked to the side, "Oh, since we're kinda alone now... Um, here's my present to you." You dug into your bag and gave him a paper bag with all of the charms you bought.
"...Thanks, [last name]-chan. Can I open it?" After he saw you nod, he practically ripped open the bag. "Shrine charms... cute."
"I bought all of them, well, the ones I could find. I hope you like them."
"I'll make sure to hold onto all of them then." He shuffled through the charms, stopping at the red one, "This one especially." He smiled to himself before stuffing the 'love' charm into his breast pocket. "Now, it's my turn." Baji stuffed your gift into his jacket pocket and got out a hand-sized box. With his left hand, he lifted your right and raised it to his mouth, pressing a kiss onto the back of your palm.
"Baji...san?"
"This is for you." He opened the box and revealed the bracelet, "I hope you like it." Baji let go of your hand to try and put the piece of jewellery around your wrist.
"B-Baji-san, you didn't have to spend so much money on this. It's... just Christmas. I only got you shrine charms. I can never repay you back for this." He shook his head when you said that. He would do anything for you, and he wanted to let you know that just staying by his side was enough for him.
"[last name]-chan, would you do me a favour?"
"What is it?"
"...Call me by my given name, from now on. If you want to repay me, then this is how you can do it." Baji was a cheap guy. If he had asked you prior to this, you would've agreed.
"Keisuke-san?"
"Just Keisuke."
"Then... Thank you, Keisuke." Baji felt sick. His throat suddenly clogged up with all his saliva that he couldn't swallow. He bit his bottom lip as he continued to stare down at your smiling face. He didn't want to be selfish – but right now, he just wanted you all to himself.
"You make me crazy, [last name]."
。。。
"Thanks, for walking me home, Baji... Oh, Keisuke. Give me a few days, I'll get used to it. I promise."
"You better!"
"Um... Keisuke, feel free to call me by my first name too if you want. Okay?" You felt his hand clench around yours. "We're almost at my house; I can see the apartment building– Wait, what?" You stopped walking when you noticed some familiar people in the park in front of the building.
"Is that... Mikey, Draken and Takemichi?" Baji then muttered under his breath, "The fight must've just finished up. Takemichi looks beat up."
"Tachibana-san and Emma-san too. Keisuke, come on. Let's see what they're talking about. I think Takemichi-san is crying." You pulled on his hand and sped-walked towards the group. "This is random..."
"[name]-chan!" Emma was the first to notice your presence. She left her brother's side in order to give you a hug, "I saw something really happy just now! Hina-chan and Takemichi-kun made up!"
"What? Did they have a fight?"
"Yeah! They broke up but now–" You only heard that part of her sentence. How did she not tell you they broke up? "...so, I'm happy because of them!"
"But you're crying." Emma tightened her grip around your neck, "Arg– Okay, okay!" You made a mental note to smack Takemichi in the face for Hina, but looking at him now from a far, seems like he's been beaten up already.
"[name]cchan and Baji?! What are you doing with her?" Mikey and Draken approached, "Is this what I think it is?!"
"That's right!" Baji stepped away from you to lean over his friend, "We went on a Christmas date. Beat that, Mikey."
"Stop arguing you two." You shrugged Emma's arms off you in order to dig in your bag, "I couldn't find you guys earlier today, so I wasn't able to give you your gift." You revealed a few wrapped up presents and handed them out to the three people in front of you, "Emma-san, yours... Draken-san... and Mikey-san this one is for you."
"Oh! Thanks, [name]-chan!! I didn't expect to see you here so I'll give you your present tomorrow." Emma lifted her gift up in the air and twirled. "Thanks again!"
"You care about me this much you'd give me a gift too?" Draken scoffed, but appreciated your actions, "Thanks, [last name]."
"[name]cchan! How did you know I wanted gloves? They're so comfy." Mikey slipped them on his hands and closed his palms a few times to test them out. "Why didn't you invite me out for Christmas?"
"...Baji– Um, Keisuke asked me out first and I didn't want to make other plans after I agreed to hang out with him. Sorry, Mikey-san." The smile he had on his face turned into a disgusted expression. How could you go and betray him like that? "Maybe on New Year's?"
"So I'm gonna be your back-up plan? That's what I'm hearing." He crossed his arms and turned his back towards you. He didn't want to blame you for this, really. But after the whole fight with the Black Dragons an hour ago, his mood considerably dropped.
"Mikey-san... You're not my second choice–" You tried to console him but your words weren't working. Emma, Draken and Baji just stood a few metres away from the two of you in confusion and exasperation (the latter especially). Hina and Takemichi on the other hand... well, Hina was still trying to stop her lover from crying.
"[name]cchan, I just want to be with you, always." You almost didn't catch what Mikey had muttered. His voice was muffled by his scarf, "I don't want anyone to leave me." You had to ask yourself though, was this behaviour justifiable for this context? You just went out with Baji...
"Mikey-san, I know that." You pressed your lips together after seeing that the blond boy still wouldn't look at you. "Come on, let's go to the other side of the park." Perhaps he would be more willing to speak if he was left alone with you. So, you grabbed his wrist and pulled him further into the park, placing him down on the bench. "What's wrong? It's not just about Baji-san, right?"
You took a seat beside him and wrapped an arm around his back. Now that you weren't around the others, you could actually get a good look at the boy. Today, he looked different. You couldn't quite put your finger on it, but there was an underlying cause to his current behaviour. You presume Baji's presence might've triggered something inside of him.
"How do you do it?" He tilted his head up to look at you, "You're so happy... every single day, without a care in the world. Sometimes, I don't know what's going on around me. My brother... should be here, but he isn't. I don't know what that means, [name]cchan. What is right? What is wrong? Tell me."
"If I'm being honest, Mikey-san, I don't do it. I'm constantly living in a hell that I've created for myself. Around me, is just a pit of darkness that's patiently waiting for me to jump into. But for you, what I can tell you is to not give into that darkness. Stay strong, and believe that your brother is always with you. He may be gone physically, but he'll always be there. That's what big brothers are for." Mikey's bottom lip quivered, causing him to bite it down to stop showing his vulnerability. "We all love you, Mikey-san. Don't forget that."
"[name], hold me tighter."
"I've got you in my arms, Mikey-san." If he could describe his favourite spot in the entire world, it would be right here. This is where he felt true warmth and comfort. For the first time in months, all he wanted was to stay quiet and enjoy life for what it is—you.
He breathed in the scent of your jacket and moved his head so he could rest his forehead against yours. "[name]?" His cold breath on your face made you shiver a little. Staying still for too long was making your body stiff.
"Mikey-san?" His eyes that were filled with years of pain and agony bore into your own. There was clear difference in you two; Mikey was someone who pretended to be courageous, emulating the way of Shinichiro. You were weak and emotional. You were still too gullible to how the world works. But there was one similarity – you shared the same pain and trauma. Mikey understood this fact, which is why his heart was always steady around you.
At first, his interest in you was only because of your brother, but after getting to know you throughout the year there was so much more to you than that. You were strong; more than he could ever be. You were... everything he never asked for.
Mikey removed his hands from his lap and placed one on your back and the other behind your head. He licked his lips a few times to moisten them while occasionally gazing at your lips that were shut. He then guided your head to tilt to the side as he pressed his lips onto yours.
This was one of the last things you were expecting from him. You knew Mikey had no trouble showing off how touchy he was, but this was on another level. Your brain was struggling to register what was going on and what the next move should be. Would pulling back from him be the right decision? Either way, your body was frozen before you even come up with a concrete answer.
His lips were cold and partially dry. You could tell he was new to this scene; then again, you were too. This was your first kiss... being taken on Christmas night. Mikey was the first to break the kiss, but he went back for another one. The second, being more rough and rushed. Your noses were smooshed together and the hand on your head was still pushing you into him.
"Mi– Mike– Mikey..." You couldn't even say his name properly without him shutting you up. The boy wasn't letting you go anytime soon. He just wanted to savour this moment for as long as he could. "Mikey..."
"[name]... [name]...chan." His breaths became heavier the longer he kept up these kisses. He realised that he needed to breath in order to keep going. "One more..."
"M-Mikey... enou–" He closed the gap between you and kept his lips on yours for longer.
"One more. Just give me one more." Was that a tear you felt from his face? Or was it beginning to snow again? "[name]... Another one..."
"Mikey-san! Calm yourself." You finally found the strength to push him away from you. You panted after pulling away, trying to catch your own breath. "Don't... do this when you're feeling like this. You'll drown in your own sorrows before you can even stand up on your feet."
"[name]cchan..."
"If you wanna kiss me again... make sure you're in the right mindset for it. And give me some notice." You dropped your head down and looked at your lap, still trying to comprehend what just occurred. Your mouth knew what had happened, but your mind sure didn't. "To do this when I just got back from a date with Baji-san too."
"I've... always been selfish." He wanted to do it again.
word count—3546
i know that i basically skipped over the entirety of the black dragons arc, but really, there was no point in involving MC in the whole church fight because chifuyu, takemichi nor baji told MC about it. and MC isn't part of toman either, so there wasn't an opportunity to know about the entire debacle anyway.
as it's hinted, baji knew that the whole fight was going on but decided to stay by MC's side and distract MC for the night. if MC knew they were going to fight, MC would've jumped in (like bloody halloween).
in a sense, this chapter can be considered your late christmas special. hope you guys enjoyed, although i wouldn't be surprised if you had nothing to say, this chapter was kinda depressing...