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I held back my tears and topics from them, even from Jimin. Not because they are wrong, but because, they and their life can't accept me. I can't do those things ever in my lifetime that they do easily.
Three years...
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Before he could move to the next line, his phone rang. Jeongguk diverted his eyes to his phone. It was Jennie.
They talked about family, work, and the weekend. Speaking of the weekend, Jeongguk is free for the next two days. He doesn't have any plan. The officer knows Itaewon is the best place for having fun. But Jeongguk barely goes out and party hard.
It's not like he hates the disco lights and dancing without any care. He went out sometimes when he was in his hometown. But here, he doesn't have the mood to go out. And for now, he has a plan.
Immediately, he returned to the dairy. weekends can wait, not Taehyung. Funny how the boy wrapped him around some stories he wrote in his diary and now Jeongguk's life depends upon it.
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Oh my God, Today! today morning! I thought I beautifully avoided them and they will leave me as understanding my disinterest in them.
But, this morning, when I was getting ready for college, Jimin smiled at me. Not me freaking out because my best friend smiled at me. Oh-oops!
But it was an unusual smile. yeah, these days, I understood how he smiles normally and how he smiles when he silently plans something.
Anyways, I smiled back and we walked to college. I found the hyungs was sitting on the steps of the basketball court. we were early to college today. As I and Jimin sat next to them, they passed the usual smile and we went quiet.
It's not difficult for me as I was doing that for the past years. They were talking about their weekend plans. Tomorrow is Saturday and a holiday for college. I already knew their plans. Definitely, going for a party, drinks, outing.
Namjoon hyung and Hobi hyung are the master brains of these things. I bet they always do this. And that makes them the powerful duo of GangBangtan.
It's not like others haven't any value. But, still... Agh... I don't know... Maybe they have some...hmm... quality...?
As I was dipped in my thoughts, Jin hyung tapped my shoulder. I shuddered and then blinked twice. what was I thinking?
"Tae?"
"What about you??" - he asked.
Everybody's eyes were on me, and I -I was petrified. Doomed and disgusted, I guess?
"What ??" - I asked. Stupid me.
"Going out tomorrow, having fun, or what??"
Said Namjoon. A sudden answer on my lips was a no(or I wanted to say a no). Jimin and Hobi hyung insisted on me as I said no.
"I'm not interested in these things guys, you go."
I told them. Oh, only if you know. Jiminie stared at me and I looked away. Silence. when I thought the case closed, he asked.
"Why I'm feeling like- you're 'acting' like an introvert? why?"
That little mochi.
Anyways, Clear question. Clear answer.
" I'M an introvert "
I told them. First suspicious look from Joon, then Jimin, and followed by others. Nice.
"You're acting like an introvert, but you're not."
Jimin, leave it. Please, soulmate.
I mean- what? Why? I'm an introvert. what's the need to act?.
I kept my mum inside and sat down silently. The same topic came after the lunch break. But I was not involved in it. Maybe they don't need my views. So I concentrated on my Jajjangmyeon.
After lunch, as we were sitting on our same place- steps of the basketball court, Joon walked to us, icecreams in his hand. Everyone got a vanilla-flavored cone top and I got strawberry. Yaay!
"Why strawberry for him?"- asked Jin hyung. I was turned to pale yellow. You don't know how much I love strawberries. Once there was th--- okay, back to the topic.
"Because introverts are special"
said not Joon, but Hobi hyung. I smiled in awkwardness. Hearing that I'm an introvert from them makes me giddy, a negative kind of giddy. Joon hit on hobi hyung's head and said.
"No. Because vanilla flavor was over in the ice cream parlor."
Everyone laughed at that, me too. Namjoon hyung is not like that. I mean- like - like that. Okay, never mind.
Don't know about their plans, but spending little moments like this with them was not so difficult for me. I felt happy about those ice cream breaks.
We walked to the hostel in the evening. I wanted to tell them that I'm new to this type of thing. Heavens, I'm new to friendship.
I wanted to confess my insecurities to them. But something stopped me.
Both I and Jimin was silent. As we reached here, at the dorm, I thought to say, that I'm different and can't handle these...but... Yeah...but...
I called Dad, talked to Taeyeon also. For your information, I don't talk about my friendship matters to them. And I don't make any situation for them to ask about it.
For them, the name I take the most is my best friend - worst thought.
I'm not so older to them to make bad choices, but the truth is - I got a Ph.D. in it.
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Jeongguk paused to recall what Seojoon said that day. True, he doesn't talk a lot; even about his friends, about anything. Jeongguk dedicated a blank smile for whatever he read; for not breaking his belief.
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The thought of them, they will plan everything without me, they will share stories without my knowledge, they will have fun without me, made me not sad but empty inside.
Why do I do this? Why I choose silence over their laugh? why I choose books over their talks? Why I choose solitude over their company?
Am I the same one who was very happy that day when I made friends with them? Then why I'm keeping the distance now?
It's true- I'm an introvert. But it's friendship. Then why..?? why I can't be happy like them in those topics they share? why I can't find fun in those things they do? why I can't be normal and easy like them?
are... are introverts that boring??
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'No...'
His dairy doesn't have dates. It was not in up-to-date order. Random thoughts of his capture in the blank pages.
Emotions smelled like a dream, truth seemed like a myth. The shades of black ink of him from pages to pages lead Jeongguk to wonderland.
Reading it was now like sleeping in 221- happiness at the next level. Jeongguk is not a deep reader. He reads occasionally. But this is the only book he was reading without checking the cover, climax, reviews, or theme.
In this case, he was helpless, tied his hands, mind, heart, eyes from reading the climax first. He wanted to replace Kim Taehyung with just Tae. Like he said.
For that, he has to listen, explore understand with patience. It's Kim Taehyung we're talking about. He deserves the universe. Then why not a little patience?
I'm plotting something...
But you guys tell me about the chapter...
I hope you liked it...
Stay safe and take care...
~AnecdotesOfABroken