For some reason, I was startled awake. Nothing actually freaked me out, but the sudden thought of missing school was enough to wake me up. I looked around the dark room and felt the space next to me. The room was empty. I stood up on shaky legs and wobbled to the bathroom. I plopped down on the toilet and winced as a slight stinging pain made it hard for me to piss.
I jumped when there was a knock at the door.
"Yea!" The bathroom door opened and Dashawn peeked his head in.
"What time is it?" I blurted before he could say anything.
"5:30 in the morning." I nodded my head before quickly wiping myself. I flushed the toilet and pulled down my shirt.
"I got you some food. Come downstairs when you done," he said before leaving. I washed my hands and splashed water onto my sunken face. My face looked pale and lifeless. My hair was dull, it wasn't as full as it used to be, and my skin was constantly dry no matter how often I moisturized. I sighed in defeat. I slowly made my way downstairs. I followed the smell of food all the way to the kitchen. I grabbed my aching stomach as it rumbled obnoxiously.
I saw a large bag of Waffle House sitting on the table and Dashawn rolling up a blunt next to it.
"Sit," he said.
I sat in the chair across from him. He started pulling out all of the food, placing everything in front of me. There was a waffle, eggs, bacon and sausage, hash browns, raisin toast, grits, and apple juice.
I sat back flustered. "D, I really appreciate it, but I'm not gonna eat all this."
"Eat as much as you can," he shrugged.
"No, like I physically won't be able to eat much. At least help me."
"Naw, just eat whatever you can and take the rest withchu. I ain't hungry and you need to eat."
He sat back in his chair and smoked as he watched me. I opened the waffle first and drizzled some syrup over a small portion of it. The food was still hot so I took a few bites. I ate some bacon as well, but my frustration started to kick in because I was feeling sick. It shouldn't be this hard for me to eat, but it was, and I hated it. This is one of the reasons why I don't eat, because I hate the way it makes me feel. And, the last thing I need is for my mom to notice if I ate too much. She has been quiet lately, and the last thing I wanted was to raise suspicion and have her down my throat again.
"I'm done," I said pushing the food away. "I can't," I almost gagged.
"Eat," he frowned.
"Dashawn," I whined.
"You know this ain't normal. You need to eat way more than this. This ain't shit, Asha. The fuck."
"I know, but you don't understand."
"No, you don't understand. Have you looked at yo self lately? I'm surprised you ain't in the hospital or dead or in some facility. You got a problem and I know it's more than just them drugs."
"I'm not using anymore," I whimpered.
"Don't sit in my fucking crib and lie to me Asha. Who been selling to you?" I shook my head no.
I jumped when he banged his fist on the table. He was heated and I could tell he was about to go off on me. Luckily, his phone rang. He answered it.
"What!" He yelled into the phone.
"Whatchu mean?" He smacked his teeth.
"Ight, I'll be there. Give me 15 minutes," he said before hanging up.
"Put everything back in the bag," he said calmly. I nodded my head and did as I was told.
"You want me to drop you off at home or school?"
"School," I mumbled.
"What time it start?"
"Eight," I whispered avoiding his gaze.
"I got shit to take care of, then I'll take yo ass to school. Ion trust you in my crib by yo self so you coming with me." He stood up.
He allowed me to take a shower. He gave me some sweats to wear for the day. They were way too big, but it was all I had besides my work clothes. I definitely wasn't putting them back on.
.....
"Asha!?" I turned at hearing Briana call my name.
"I stopped for her, but didn't say anything."
"Hey," she said as she caught up to me.
"Hi."
"Can we talk?" She asked.
"Umm, I'm kinda busy and class is about to start."
"Well I-"
She was interrupted by the first bell.
"Good morning ladies and gentlemen, that was the first bell of the day. You have five minutes to get to class. But, after first period, everyone needs to stay in their designated rooms until further notice. To reiterate, don't go straight to second period after first; stay in your classes until further notice. Thank you and have a great day."
The principle spoke over the intercom. I was confused on what was going on. Why would we need to stay in our first period after it ends?
"What's going on?" I mumbled.
"You didn't hear? Once per semester, the deputy comes by with a drug dog, or whatever they call it, to search everyone's lockers. It's basically mandatory. No one knows when they come, obviously, but Brandon usually finds out and tells the rest of us."
My heart nearly stopped beating. I walked away from Briana and damn near ran to my locker across the school. I weaved in and out of the crowded halls.
"Asha?" Briana stormed after me.
I got to my locker and searched through all of my shit. I had to make sure I wouldn't get caught up. I frantically searched through my bag. Everything seemed to be okay until my fingers hit a familiar baggie. I thought I took it out. I about damn near broke down. I grabbed my entire bag and closed my locker before racing to the restroom.
I slammed the stall door in Briana's face. I yanked the small baggie out of my bag and dropped it in the toilet. And that's when the second bell rang. I cursed aloud. Luckily the baggie was small enough that it went down without a problem. After a moment of getting my breathing under control, I opened the door to a pissed off Briana.
"What was that about?!"
I ignored her and went to wash my hands.
"Asha!" I opened the restroom door and went to find my first class. I kept my bag with me just in case.
"Excuse me, what are you two still doing in the hallways?" A teacher asked.
"We on our way to class now," Briana said.
"Well, you two need to hurry up. If you do not have a hall pass you cannot be roaming the halls."
"Ok," Briana rolled her eyes while pulling me down the hall. When we were far enough away, I pried my arm out of her grip.
"Are you going to tell me what that was about?"
"No, just leave it alone. I need to get to class," I said walking around her.
"What happened to us, to you? What did I do to make you isolate yourself from me?" She followed me.
"You did nothing. I am just worried about school and work, that's all."
"That's bullshit Asha."
"Well what do you want me to say?"
"That something's wrong. That you need a friend. That you are struggling. That you're drowning in yourself. I don't know, anything besides, 'I'm fine.' You are far from fine."
"Why does any of you care? Everything that I'm doing, I'm doing for myself."
"And what exactly are you doing besides putting yourself in an early grave?"
"You don't know what you're talking about. Just leave me alone," I said walking away.
"When Cairo told us of his suspicions, I thought he was crazy until I put two and two together. The way you've been acting, the drastic change in your physical appearance, the way you isolate yourself from social interaction, and much more. Then how you panicked when I told you that there was gonna be a drug search today. I lied. There is no drug search, only a fire drill. But, everything makes sense now and my heart aches for you Asha," her voice broke.
"I don't need your pity."
"It's not pity. I am beyond worried for you."
I was numb. I squeezed my hands together to try and stop the shaking when my legs gave out on me and I fell to the floor. Briana plopped down in front of me.
"Talk to me Asha." I shook my head no repeatedly.
"How did this happen to you? Do your parents not know something's wrong?" She asked grabbing my face. I only stared off into space.
"Maybe you should speak with the guidance counselor." I shook my head no again.
"I-I will get expelled. I won't be able to graduate and I won't get accepted to any colleges. I...I n-need to get out of here." My hands wouldn't stop shaking.
"You need to seek help. Maybe therapy or like a-"
"I don't have money for shit like that. None of you understand. I'm underage, my mom...she will...I just can't. Please tell the others not to say anything. I will stop, I promise."
"Asha-"
"Please just keep your mouth shut, please, all of you. I will get in big trouble if the school or anyone finds out," I begged and pleaded with her not to say anything. If she or them ruined this for me, I would never forgive them. Hell, my life would be over.
"Please, please, please. I will stop just don't say anything."
"I-"
"Stay out of this Briana, I'm begging you."
"Fine, okay," she whispered.
I released a shaky breath and wiped at my tears. She just sat there staring at me as I struggled to breathe.
"I need to get to class." I struggled to my feet. I wiped my face dry of any tears and made my way down the hall in a daze. I didn't even look back at Briana, but I figured she was still on the floor. I just needed to get to class. Maybe, I could talk my teacher out of counting me tardy.