It's been a year since Clay, otherwise known as Porkchop, planned the graduation event in Newport Beach. The event where a handsome Tyler Hamilton caught Clay off guard by kissing him. Clay, up until that day, had never kissed a boy before.
At 24 ye...
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I thought I was going to stay there alone, in my apartment, after Alexander was gone and my mind was ultimately fucked.
Usually after getting angry like I did, after feeling overwhelmed, I'd spin off into a perpetual panic and not leave my room for at least 12 hours. This, however, I thought could justify at least a good 24 hours. I could already feel the panic arising in me the moment Alexander mentioned Zach, and now it was about a thousand times worse. But for some reason, I didn't want to sit in my room and let it take me over, and I legitimately couldn't sit still. I'd been pacing around my apartment, practically ripping out my hair, because that's just how angry I was. And confused. And annoyed. And fucking confused.
How?
That was my only question. Fucking how?
My heart was beating on the inside of my chest as if it were an actual person, banging like it wanted to escape. And maybe I did, too.
I wanted to see Clay, but I couldn't convince myself of it. He'd never seen me like this, and I didn't even know what this was. I didn't know what emotion was ruling my being. Because anger, frustration, confusion, and emptiness were all there. I mean, there was a hint of sadness, too. I knew that just came because of the feeling of betrayal. Because that's really how it was with Alexander, wasn't it?
It didn't feel good to be betrayed by someone you used to love.
I never wanted Clay to see me when I was angry because I didn't want to scare him off. But there wasn't another person I wanted to be with, or talk to. And that was new for me. Cause Clay didn't know shit about Zach, but maybe ... maybe I could tell him.
It was for damn sure that I wasn't going to be calling Alex or Jesse. Because Alex totally knew about Alexander and Zach, and then she had the audacity to try and defend Alexander's stake rather than my own. And if she knew, then subsequently, so did Jesse. As much as I loved both of them, that was a line that I hadn't expected to be crossed. Yet, here we were.
"Fuck," I muttered. I walked to the kitchen to grab my phone, my hands shaking, which only made me angrier. It was almost impossible to type out a coherent text, which is why I had to end up calling Clay, even though I didn't know how my voice was going to sound trying to explain myself.
"Hey, Ty!" Clay answered. "Guess what? I just got contacted by a potential client, and they said that it would be so cool to have someone as knowledgable as me in the rubber duck community to plan their wedding! Isn't that amazing?"
I sighed. Goddamn, he was so fucking funny, and I wanted to laugh, but I physically wasn't there. "Can I come over?" I asked.
