She's Not Afraid. (Niall Horan)

The beginning of the end.

 

Niall.

I was too caught up in my own thoughts to only just realise the car was slowing down at the side of a road. The house stood out amongst the rest of the street, it wasn't lit up at all, and it stood alone, not connected to any other house. The car grinded to a halt and before anyone could stop me, I was half way out the door – seatbelt still trying to hold me in place. My knee scratched the concrete path but by the time the pain kicked in I was already charging down the garden track, fast approaching the front door.

I pressed my head against the door, listening to any signs of life, I didn't hear any human noises, only a very discreet dripping sound, my worst fear. I quickly crouched down and flipped the letterbox open, peering inside but I was greeted with only darkness and the dripping. The door was lodged in place with a very heavy item on the other side.

"MARINA!" I shouted through the letter box, I didn't expect a reply so when I received silence I wasn't surprised. "MARINA PLEASE, OPEN THE DOOR. I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE!" I continued to shout and plea but there was still no response. "MARINA, I AM SO SORRY. YOU DON'T DESERVE THIS. YOU AREN'T THEM, THIS ISN'T YOUR FAULT." I was close to breaking down there and then but I couldn't, I couldn't let her do this. "MARINA, I LOVE YOU!" I cried out as a last port of call, my voice breaking as I continued to scream out. It was a long shot and it missed evidently. I couldn't take her silence anymore, I knew she was in there. The dripping sound gave it away. 

I threw my hand up against the door, pounding on it constantly as hard as I could, calling her name out at the same time. Just as I was about to slam my hand against the wood once again, I heard something from inside, I heard a floorboard creak. I screamed out her name, my throat in agony from the yelling. I wasn't willing to waste any more time. I pushed hard on the door, the object screeched against the floor and the door moved an inch or two. An inch was enough to allow me to squeeze inside. My whole body pressed between the door and the frame, it hurt, I wasn't going to lie but my pain was only temporary. Zayn and Harry were now following in my footsteps after catching up and forcing their bodies through the door too. 

Before my body had chance to recover from the fall from forcing myself through the door too harshly, I was already up on my feet skidding towards the living room. I halted in my tracks when the flicker of an orange flame caught my eye. I lost the ability to speak, move or breathe.

"I told you Niall."

As much as I wanted to hear her voice, that wasn't what I wanted to hear. I shook my head urgently, my voice still at breaking point.  

"I'm ending this all Niall, just like my father did, maybe he was right all along." She replied with a very serious tone to her voice. The strong stench of petroleum filtered through my nostrils, I was close to gagging but I was distracted by the other figures joining me at the entrance of the living room. The room was already blackened by smoke and fire, but not from this incident, from the one eleven years before. 

Harry, Zayn and I stood on one side of the room, unable to move as we all stared at the orange flame, lightning the room slightly. Her face was filled with distress, hate and probably a lot more emotions. No one spoke for what seemed like an eternity. My heart was pounding painfully against my ribcage. I could see droplets dripping from her clothes and body, she was one step away from taking away everything. One wrong move and I could take it away too. 

"Please don't do this." I whimpered pathetically. "I need you."

"And I needed you." She retaliated. "You promised and I trusted you."

"Maz, it's not his fault. We got caught up, please don't do this," Now Zayn was begging, as he took a step forward she brought the slowly burning out match closer towards her body. I was close to having a heart attack. The slightest breeze and she would have been hit with the flame. We all froze in position, to scared to now breathe, let alone move.

"You promised," she repeated, her voice breaking slightly. I could see the tears in her eyes, they were glistened over with sadness.

"I know and I broke that promise and I can't change that now."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

"No, but I'm not going to lie. I promised you and I let you down, that's not okay. You needed me and I wasn't there." I slowly took a step forward, testing the water. 

"You're wearing the necklace?" I asked, my voice changing in tone drastically, the silver chain shined in the light illuminating from the match. She shook her head, bringing her hand to her chest where the chain sat.

"It hadn't even been a day."

"This doesn't prove anything. I was an inconsiderate idiot but that doesn't mean that it doesn't exist. You wouldn't have put it on in the first place if you didn't feel it."

"How do I know what I'm feeling? You hurt me."

"I know," I let out another small cry, my voice going into a high pitch briefly. I took another step forward, and then another until I was one step away from her. 

"I wake up every morning with butterflies in my stomach, a huge smile on my face. I love the way your hair tickles my nose, it's the best way to start any day. I adore your cute snoring sounds and the way you wrap your legs around mine in your sleep. I admire your cooking skills, you put any one else to shame with your omelettes." She laughed, it may have only been a small hiccup but it was definitely working. 

"You are the bravest person I know. Life has thrown several curve balls at you, but you're here today and you will be tomorrow. You're going to prove everyone who ever doubted you wrong. We will laugh in the face of all those fuckers." I breathed deeply, catching my breath again. 

"I love all the little things you do, you're little quirks. Your cheeky smirk, your over powering laughter, your overall happiness. I love the way your hands fits in mine. I love the way you bite your tongue when you're nervous. I love the little freckles on your nose even though you hate them, I think they're beautiful. I love all the little things you don't notice you do or say, but you've captured me. I don't want anything else in the world but you. I don't want to live another day without you by my side. You are the only person in the world who can make me stand here and say all this soppy stuff. You make me watch all these romance films, but they're right. When you find the one, your soul mate, you know it and you don't want anything else. I would sail the world and back for you." 

"I don't tell you enough about how much I appreciate you. You make me happy, so incredibly happy. Without you I don't think I'd ever be able to smile properly again." 

"Your lame jokes which I say aren't funny are actually hilarious because they're so bad, but that's you and you know it. You could tell the joke about the dentist fifty thousand times and I'd still laugh because you told it. I admire the way you can be yourself, you don't suck up to anyone, you don't try and please anyone. You're you and you're perfect that way."

"No one is perfect."

"You're perfect to me, fuck the rest of the world. I'm the one in love with you, you're all mine and I don't want to share with them." My voice suddenly became stern, I wanted her to remember everything I was saying, I wanted her to understand that everything I was saying was real.

"You could rip all my teeth out, burn my football shirts and poison me and I'd still love you. Maybe I should have told you before how I felt, I just didn't want to scare you away. I knew from the moment I saw you, you were going to leave a mark in my life one way or another. But you didn't just leave a mark, you stole my heart and now you're holding it captive and guess what?" I spoke, stepping closer, so the gap between us was barely there. "I don't want it back." 

Before she could respond I pressed my forefinger and thumb over the top of the match, burning it out immediately, the pain lasted a second before it ceased to exist. We were now in complete darkness, but that was exactly what I wanted. Her breathing could be heard a mile away, I couldn't contemplate what she would do next, so I waited, and waited.

Appending silence and doubt took over.