She's Not Afraid. (Niall Horan)

Chapter 37.

Niall.

 

The past three days had been tough. It had been a tense couple of days and the feeling that it was going to pass anytime soon had long disappeared. I didn't know how to react and I'm not sure Marina did either.

She was numb, soundless and lifeless. I didn't want to watch over her and scare her away, but I was scared about her, for her. She had no recollection of the days, hours or minutes that had passed by. She would forget to eat, drink and sleep. She wouldn't watch TV either, she would sit and stare at the blank screen. I didn't stop her, everyone grieves differently, Marina's way of coping is nothing abnormal. I did make sure she ate enough, drank plenty of water and I tried to get her to sleep for a couple hours each day. She never protested but she didn't agree either, she just did it.

After three drawn out days the day had come to close another chapter. I was probably more nervous than she was, though I shouldn't have been. I wanted to show her my surprise the night I found her but I knew it would have been an inappropriate time, just like the past few days. As much as it ached me, I waited.

I fastened the cuff links on the end of either sleeves as I watched her sit opposite me on the bed. Her back was facing towards me, her vision aimed at the wall ahead. She was wearing just a simple black dress, it didn't cling to her body at all, not like some of her dresses but it was hardly the most appropriate place to wear one.

I tied up my black bow tie after several attempts, it wasn't exactly my forte wearing formal wear and when it was, someone else would always do the tricky bits for me. The life of a celebrity has its weird perks.

"Is this really happening?" 

I stopped shuffling about on my feet, trying to get my shoes to squeeze on when I heard a timid voice from across the room. She wasn't mute but hearing her voice for those little moments in time was sort of riveting. It was weird to miss something that was still there and just as simple as her voice. 

I didn't really know what to say, I wasn't a great person at comforting anyone. I had never been in this position before and I felt like I was doing everything wrong and nothing right. I walked over towards her, crouched down and placed my hands on her trembling knees. My eye line caught hers for the first time properly in days. 

"I don't want to go," she croaked, her voice barely there.

"You do, deep down you do." I whispered in reply. "If you don't go, you wont be able to have your final farewell. You'll regret for the rest of your life."

"I just-"

"Your mum would want a proper goodbye from her only child. She would be devastated if you don't go."

"I'm scared."

"It's okay to be scared. I'm scared too."

"Why are you scared?"

"Because I never even got a chance to say hello. Because you're her only child, her pride and joy and I want her to trust me, that I'll be everything you want and more."

"She would have loved you."

"But she would hate me if I didn't make you go today. Don't do this for yourself, do it for her."

"Okay," she breathed heavily. "We better get going then."

The drive across town to the church where Marina grew up was long, quiet and tedious. We left with a good amount of time to get there, luckily. Traffic was heaving oddly for a Monday afternoon. I assumed it was the lunch rush hour or something. Businessmen and women were rushing around in their suits; coffee cups piled high up in their hands.