All I feel right now is pity for myself and my husband. His action still disgusts me and I still feel jealous about the whole thing but after talking to my sister I regretted my action. I felt guilty and dumb for not making any effort to support my husband. I should've stood by him no matter what. I was supposed to be loyal to him, I was supposed to be answerable to him at all times because he's my husband but jealousy has mislead me.
Why did I let that single issue ruined my marriage? I sent my husband away from his own house. The house we were supposed to build together and make a home. Ya Allah, I hate myself for complicating my marriage, for complicating the whole issue, for not trusting my husband, for pushing him away.
Normally, he was supposed to come back home after every two weeks or when ever we miss each other but I ruined our plan, I sent him away from myself and his family. I recall how Umma will call him and complain about him not coming back home to check on us, how she complained that he cherishes his work more than his family and so on.
I just realized how airheaded I'm. I didn't only disobey my husband, I've disobey God. the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessing of Allah be upon him, said: "There are two individuals whose prayer does not rise above their heads; a slave running away from his master- until he returns to them, and a woman who disobeys her husband - until she returns (to obedience)." [Reported by Al-Albani, Authentic].
How bad of me to have forgotten all the things I learned in my Islamic school and the home training. Oh God! I pray God forgive me for disobeying him and my husband, for sending my husband away, for troubling him, for disobeying him and for not trusting him.
Insha Allah I will make things right. I will fix my marriage and if at all my husband is doing something bad we will fix it together. I will never act silly from now on. I will love my husband wholeheartedly and never doubt him ever again. I love my husband, I always do and I will forever love him.
Oh God! Ease my affairs, make me forget what I saw that day and make things right between me and my husband. Make him forgive me and give me the strength and ability to make things right for you are the most merciful and most forgiven.
The room was getting dark. I needed to get back home since I didn't tell my in-laws I was going to spend the night at my place. I headed to the bathroom and took a quick shower. I changed into a red gown, I wrapped my milk colour veil and I wore black glasses so that when I get home they will not notice my swolen eyes.
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It will be very hard for them not to notice because i have been crying since after I spoke to my sister and now I feel my head banging as if a carpenter was hitting a nail on it. On my way home, I scanned the road with my eyes but my brain was busy.
How do I make things right? It will not be a good idea to visit him, I might make things worse. How can I make things right? Should I call him? Will he answer me? I need to do something before it is late. I need to correct my .......
