The Cleansing: Part Two (Book Two of The Golden Eyes Trilogy)

Chapter 57: I'm Not Ready

Nova

I didn't sleep that night. I stayed awake listening to the beat and it was starting to drive me insane. Well more than I already am. I wasn't ready for this. Not at all. I already have two kids I'm not ready for a third. I can't do it. Not right now. I have a whole country to save I can't worry about a baby too.

This was bad timing-really bad timing. I had to find a way out of this. Maybe I could see having one a couple of years from now but this is not the time for it.

But I didn't know what to do. Throw myself down a flight of steps? I'm not ready for this. I'm not. I can't do it.

Walowski came in to check on me and sighed at my state. I probably look like a mess right now.

"You don't want this, do you?"

I shook my head and he sat next to me, squeezing my shoulder reassuringly.

"If you're not wanting this I do know how to perform an abortion. It's heavy and the guilt most women bear after is intolerable. But if you're this sure that you're not ready I will do it for you. And you have my word that I would never say anything-to anyone. But you're about five weeks in and six weeks is the maximum time duration I will do something like this. So go ahead and think about it. It's entirely up to you Nova."

I made sure I left before Finn returned and went to the only person I know I could trust with this information-Finch. She was alone in her room when I found her which was perfect. I didn't want Tommy to know either.

"Hey No. I was about to come check on you. Finn said you got sick yesterday. You alright?"

I locked her door and sat down, shaking my head. I wanted to tell her but I couldn't spit it out. It would make it more real and I didn't want it to be real.

"No what's wrong? Talk to me. Are you okay?"

Tears brimmed my eyes as I shook my head and fell into her, sobbing so hard my throat hurt.

"Finch I'm...I'm..."

I didn't need to fill in the blanks. Finch gasped and pushed me back, looking into my eyes.

"You're pregnant?"

I nodded and cried even harder. I wasn't ready for this. I didn't want this. Not now. Maybe in a few years but not right now. I'm not ready.

"Nova that's amazing! Why are you so sad about it? This is great! Finn might get his Finn Jr.!"

I shook my head again, wiping away my tears as I took a few deep breaths to calm down a bit. She might hate me after what I'm about to tell her.

"I'm not ready Finch. I could see it happening a few years from now but I can't right now. I don't want it. I'm thinking about getting an abortion-"

Finch cut me off with a gasp, her eyes wide as she shook her head. "No! Nova you can't! If Finn finds out he'd never forgive you!"

I sighed and gave her a look. She won't tell him. This stays between us.

"Promise me you won't tell him."

Finch bit her lips together and shook her head again. "I can't promise you that. You have to tell Finn. He has a right to know."

"Finch you promise me right now you won't tell him. He'll want this but I don't. I'm not ready. Please promise me this stays between us."

Finch watched me carefully before sighing and nodded, putting her arm around my shoulders and hugged me into her side.

"It's okay No. We'll figure it out."

I sure hope so. Because I feel so lost I don't know what to do. All I know is that I'm not ready for a baby. So I think I'm going to do it. It was just bad timing. Next time I'll be ready.