The Cleansing: Part Two (Book Two of The Golden Eyes Trilogy)

Chapter 46: A Small Break In Her Madness

Finn

"I'm going to find her."

Alex nodded as I jumped out of the car and started going in the direction Nova ran in.

"Wait Finn!" Alex called out. I stopped and turned around to figure out what she wanted. "Tell her we love her and we'll figure out a way to beat Valkyrie. All of us."

I nodded and smiled before running into the forest after the love of my life. I listened closely and could hear her grunts and screams not far from where I was. I followed the sounds and slowed down once I got really close to her. I peeked around a wall of bushes and saw her picking a fight with a tree.

She drove her fists into it over and over again, chipping away at the wood with bloody knuckles and hard punches until the tree toppled over. And it wasn't a small tree either. Color me impressed.

She stood rigid and breathed hard, her whole body trembling with rage. Her feelings bleeding through the bond almost felt like she was punching the crap out of me too.

Anger, confusion, hate, irritation, ferocity, wrathfulness. Embarrassment. Weakness. Fear. Agitation. And hurt. So much hurt.

She was feeling so many mixed emotions it was hard to identify all of them. But the one that was most prominent was failure. And it broke my heart that she felt that way. I wanted to be there for her but I also didn't want to invade her space.

Instead of making myself known I pushed soothing waves into her the best I could but her emotions were so wild and strong it probably felt like nothing to her. So I pushed harder. I pushed peace and harmony and love and calmness through to her. I was practically fighting her emotions as I tried to force mine through until I felt a small break in her madness.

I pushed harder and felt her wall break even more, allowing my emotions to seep through. Her breathing evened out and her body slowly began to grow still the harder I pushed until she dropped to the ground and put her head in her hands. She wasn't crying but she was sad.

I wanted to go to her so badly but I know she wants her space. I just want to be there for her. Make her feel better. I wanted to tell her that losing one fight doesn't mean you've lost them all. That we'll work on getting her stronger so she can beat Valkyrie. That next time she'll win and she can't give up.

She felt so defeated it broke my heart. And I can't even comfort her in her time of need. I know she likes her space but I still feel like a bad boyfriend when I can't be there for her like I want to be.

"I know you're over there and want to come to me. You can if you want."

I made my way over to her and sat down beside her, opening my arms but didn't say anything. I had plenty to say but I don't think she wants to hear it right now. She likes to be alone and have silence when she's like this. So the fact that she's even letting me be with her when she's feelings like this is a huge step for her and I don't want to push it. I'll let her make the moves.

She looked at my open arms for a moment before falling into me and began to cry. I still didn't want to push anything so I stayed quiet and let her cry it out, holding her close and rubbing her back. Kissing the top of her head and running my hand over her hair.

I was doing anything physically possible and doing my best not to be vocal and push her away. Not when she's allowing me to be there for her in her time of need. This is the first time that's ever happened. I made sure she could feel my happiness, hoping it might rub off on her a little bit.

I want to talk to her and have her express to me what she's feeling but when she's like this she wants the quiet. Normally she doesn't want to be touched or consoled in any way so the fact that she's letting me hold her is seriously crazy to me.

"I can't believe I lost. I know Chaska's grandmother said I did but Finn...that was humiliating. I lost so hard. In front of you and Chaska and Alex and all of those Savages. I feel like an epic failure. Like I let everyone down. I feel like shit." She sniffled quietly into my shoulder, holding me even tighter.

Like I was a lifeline holding her together. And at the moment I might just be.

She's waiting for a response from me and I know what I want to say but I don't want to upset her even more.

"I know you have something to say so say it." She said with an attitude, pulling away to look into my eyes.

"I was just going to say that you're not a failure. You beat four men today and left those fights with a busted lip and a few cuts and bruises. Yeah you lost one fight but you still won four others. And nobody likes to lose Killer but it's part of life. You can't win every fight you get into. Sometimes you lose and that's okay. But it doesn't make you a failure. Giving up is what would make you a failure.

"And as for worrying about Chaska and Alex's vision of you, you shouldn't worry about that. They both still love and idolize you. They're not going to judge you from one single loss after how many wins you've had. And you've had a lot. As I recall you've saved Chaska's life a few times, and even recently saved Alex too. They think the world of you. Alex even told me to tell you that they love you just before I came after you. That all of us will figure out a way to be Valkyrie. And we will.

"So stop feeling sorry for yourself and woman up. Let's go back to the base and shower, eat, call the kids, and go see Booker and Finch. It's been a week since we have seen them and I'm sure they all miss you. And the walk back gives you plenty of time to think about what you're going to say to the kids. They're gonna have your ass for not calling them."

Nova was still a jumbled mess in the emotions department but I did feel something I didn't feel before. Hope. And love. And even a little bit of happiness. That's my girl.

"Okay?" I asked, making her look up at me.

Her eyes met mine and she held my gaze for a moment before nodding and smiling.

"Okay. Let's go."

I put my arm around her shoulders as her left arm went around my waist and kept me close to her side. We had a nice, quiet walk back to the base and decided to call the kids first before we did anything else. We were about to be in trouble. Nova powered up the laptop and went to call them but I stopped her. She looked at me confusedly until I began wiping away the blood that was on her face.

"Don't want them to worry."

Once she was cleaned up I left to go make dinner and let her talk to the kids alone. I'll talk to them in the morning when she calls them but I think she'll feel better getting some alone time with them. I didn't feel like making anything super extravagant so I just made my mac-n-cheese she loves so much and hoped she was feeling it.

She was just hanging up when I made it back to our room with both bowls full and hot and ready to be eaten. We ate in the quiet but that's okay. It didn't bother me any. I don't mind the quiet. When we finished we decided on showering before going to get Booker and see Finch and Tommy too.

Nova was doing a few things around the room so I got into the shower first. I haven't showered in a few days and I feel disgusting. I felt even more gross watching all of the dirt go down the drain. And there was a lot of it. I was scrubbing my face clean when the door opened and a body pressed against my back.

It's also been a few days since I've had sex so I wasn't surprised that I got turned on in half a second. Nova's hands were on my chest and slowly moved down, leaving a fire in their path. If she doesn't stop we aren't leaving this room at all.

"You can't even see me how do you have a boner?" Nova teased as her hands went even lower.

Yeah. You know what. It's late and everyone is asleep anyways. I want her to myself tonight. We'll see everyone in the morning.

I pulled her in front of me and kissed the hell out of her, sliding my hands down her waist and around to her ass, pulling her hips into mine.

"We'll see everyone tomorrow. Tonight you're mine." I told her as I kissed along her neck and chest.

"Tonight I'm yours."