Noorur-rahman

Nightmare And The Resumption Assembly

O you who have believed, indeed, among your wives and your children are enemies to you, so beware of them. But if you pardon and overlook and forgive - then indeed, Allah is Forgiving and Merciful.

Surah at Taghabun (64:14)

.....

"You stupid girl, will you come out and wash those plates. What were you thinking, uhmm? You think your father had married a servant to serve you, right?" Her vituperative voice yelled on top of her lungs sending shiver down my spine, between the harmattan and her voice I don't know which is worst. I came running out of my room still in my pjamas only to be welcomed by a full bucket of ice cold water. And instantly my teeth started assaulting each other, gritting and shivering for real this time.

She stood up buckled up in her cardigan her dark eyes venomous as ever, approaching me. I was still standing by my room doing the cold dance, drenched as the morning air blows and goes deep beneath my almost naked skin and the light cotton material of my Pj's were sticking to my body, freezing the blood running in veins.

I felt numbed and look down at the water dripping from my body and that, that falls on the floor rushing inside my room. I will have to clean that too, I thought to myself when I realize she also have a cane with her. My eyes as round as a soccer ball pleading with her, just when she raised the cane up and I closed my eyes ready for the assault. I jolt awake!

Reminding myself were I was, like a mantra.

Drenched in sweat as I sat up on my bed, rubbing my eyes continuously for a clearer vision, it was morning. My head pierce with pain and I begin to shiver, the air con blows, drying my sweat. I gasp for air feeling short of it, as I continue reminding myself I was no longer eight and I was also not in Zaria under the care of my first stepmom Hadiza.

Hadiza was long gone and she can never hurt again, I sighed after a while. There's nothing good about my childhood, they have robbed me of everything. And I try not to waste my tears on them again. This is when I think if Allah was ever their for me. It filled my mind with so much doubt, and I didn't have much faith in Him. 

That woman had inscribed my childhood with pain and fear, although what Hajiya has done to me was much worst, she had destroyed me beyond pain. Brushing the early morning thought that will threaten to spoil my most awaited a day. I lazily run my hand under my duvet searching for my phone to dismissed the sounding alarm, adding to my headache.

I took a long warm shower watching away one of my most dread memories coming back as a nightmare. Sometime those memories made my self esteem to the test, it make me feel I don't amount to anything, so empty. At some point it crippled me, beyond word can describe and never again will I let anyone step on me ever again. Albeit, I can't help but wonder why they do that to me, why me? And those kind of thought only made me weak, which is nothing I will be again. I dislike impotent  people and I hate my childhood more.

After I was done with shower I prayed my salah and start getting ready for school. It was a Monday morning  and it's going to be my first day as an SS3 student. I can just feel it within, it going to be fun and am willing to make my last year in secondary school more memorable, for me and everyone there. Especially, those weak kids. Most importantly I am going to be the center of attention today. I have always been one but they will get to refresh their memory, it's a long break anyway.

I got dressed in my school uniform, an ash box pleats skirt right below my knees, same color dress shirt and black blazer carrying the school badge at right breast side and a red tie. I tied my scarf on shuku braid that's supposed to be rolled into a hijab. Many of the muslim girls does it like but I was different and I do things my way.