Noorur-rahman

A Thorn In The Heart

The sun was streaming into her room the next morning she lay awake in the clutches of anxiety the night before. That morning brought back so many bad and bitter memories, all the misfortune that crowned her sadness. 

It wasn't fair, I shouldn't have to endure all that, right from my childhood.

If only at some point after watching one dramatic American movie, she didn't believe that her birth mother was a only a surrogate her father had paid to carry her for him. And just like in the movies, the woman will never show up again. For a long time she had lived with that assumption.

Although, she knew that's far from the truth. Her birth mother was real and she was conceive naturally, apart from that, who does that around there? At least not her workaholic religious abbah. That's against his principles and religion. Anyways, Noor felt betrayed as usual. If only she hadn't had that thought in her mind, the maybe it would have easy to accept.

She felt so down that her inner soul just wanted her to pray, so has prayed. Not exactly knowing what to asked her  Lord for, all she knew was that she needed to pray(sallah). She have a lot of things to ask. Yet, they got stuck in her throat and her mind went numb. She knew pain for a long time now, though she's still can get used to tightness in her chest.

Outside the confinement of her room, are people who genuinely care for her, those that will get affected when anything goes wrong with her. People like her abbah's wife.  Whom have no idea on how to help her new family, she wishes the best for them. Yet, neither is considering her in their matters. She's a part of that family too, why can't they confide in her. She doesn't expect much from Noor who still doesn't accept her, but her husband should at least try talking, because just like them, she's also suffocating.

"Good morning, Aunty!" Isma'il greeted as he entered the kitchen through the back door. His aunt smile turning away from the coffee maker with brimming cuppa coffee.

"Good morning Isma'il! How was your night?" She asked, as they both walk out of the kitchen to the dinning area, which is situated right after the kitchen corridor. 

"Aunty, is Noorie not at home?" Isma'il asked looking around the empty dinning area as he get settle for his sausage and omelette breakfast.

"She is in her room, maybe you can take talk to your abbah about it, I haven't seen her in twenty four hours. I'm getting worried." Jamila could only wonder what happened between the father and daughter. Abbah didn't say a word to her, she only assumed that Noor's meeting with her uncle didn't go as planned.

Its reminded her of her talk with abbah few days prior to that day. It's something she have been anticipating to brought up since she got there, but doesn't know how. However, to her amusement, abbah brought it up himself and saved her the ache heart. "Do you think it's alright if I let Noor meet up with her mother?" Abbah had asked that evening after they retired to their bedroom. Of course his wife was surprised at the topic of discussion. And she'd literally danced at it.

She had buckled in the shock that'd try to surface on her face, and had looked at abbah wondering if he really need her opinion in such a sensitive matter that that's everything to do with his precious daughter. That's the first time!

Although, she was weary of what she might said, Jamila had spoken her honest opinion regarding the matter. Who would  dare intervene in the sacred relationship a mother and a child share.  And like the mother she is, thinking about her own child.

When she separate from her ex-husband, they shared their child custody, untill Nabilah was old enough to decide where she wants to stay. So, she believe there is no way Noor will refuse meeting her mother. "Of course, dear. I'm sure Noorur-rahman will love to. One way or the other, Noor will look for her mom one day, with or without your consent."