Noorur-rahman

Fear

Sometimes life makes you feel like an uninvited guest, not fitting anywhere as you become soulmate with confusion. Suddenly without realizing it, your life isn't  yours anymore. Alas, you can even define who you are.

You lost the control.

Being alive though, is a stage of so many first happenings and too many introduction. When life introduce you to your own fears, after being so vile yet not accepting it. It feels as if though the whole world has conspired against to pull you down. Yet, one might have forgotten that they have always been winning at the expense of others. 

It's not an easy job when forced to dine with your evilness. Being serve a tiny drop of one's own medicine, that in which they have let others take without any care of the world. And finally,  you got the taste of that medicine which is quiet bitter for a small drop. Though, Only a kind heart will sit and think of the overdose it had given to others.

And all of the sudden, you realise that your life is nothing but the ashes of the past, dusting away slowly, but surely. And one day you will awake up gone. Of course, not dead. But nothing but the image of who you once were.

It stroke Hajiya Atika, hard! She left Abuja that morning as abbah has promised. And finally after so many years of having it her own way, she felt powerless. Not even her tears where able to do her any good.

The journey back to Zaria felt like a lost triumph, one moment she's at the top of her game and next second she's hit hard on the floor. The old lady had cried for real in a very very long time. She's so afraid of not having Adam under her clutches. Throughout the years, despite knowing the kind of person she's, abbah have been that one person that always treats her well.

Hajiya Atika lives lavishly all thanks to abbah for taking the trouble, even before her own children give up on her for her high and constant demands. Abbah was always there making sure she and her then young children never lacks anything. He married up the girls well, into good families and good education for the boys. But in return, does grave damage to his only child.

Hajiya fears for what is yet to come, she's afraid Noor will open her mouth, after Noor had openly expressed her dislike for that night during dinner. She can almost feel it from the back of her mind.

One of her darkest secret is Noorur-rahman and her most beloved son. There's also Rabi'a, who by now, Hajiya Atika is sure she knows that her first marriage was a well arranged conspiracy by her. And not just a mere coincident. She can feel herself kissing her lavish life goodbye. She can as well sense her doom.

Few days after she returned, dishevelled than ever before, as she's slowly losing it.  She's in depth of her dilemma that she tripped outside the bathroom and broke one of her laps. And as expected, her children had try sending her back to abbah for proper care, but he told them over the phone to take care of their mother for once in their lives and let him deal with his own problems. And that's when she's introduced to negligence at it peak.

Her daughters in law around Tudun wada, want nothing to do with the sick old lady, she's terrorized them enough to not want to cater for her in such a way. As for her daughters, with the insensitive way she raised to do whatever they like, now they're practicing the same method on her.

The dark queen is falling!

......

That evening she laughed whole heartedly until tears come to her eyes. Isma'il was glad, her laughter have always been once in a while. Though deep down, he wish she can remain this person and never remember her dark past and all the sadness that ever shadowed her.

She dabbed her finger under her eyes to wipes the essence tears from the laughter. He have never since her laugh this much. Her lips still holding the smile. "Well, here comes another one if that's funny." She chuckle again, clearly remembering the incident and things like this makes her wonder if she really did lose her memory or if it's exactly a real memory.