Noorur-rahman

The Beginning Of The End

Days after the dream that turned out to be a sad reality, and so many confrontation that follows. Noorur-rahman was drawn back to her past remembering that it's her wish to forget it all. Yet, when all of that was wiped away, she did everything in her power to bring it back, to remember again.

And so did she.

She remembered that Isma'il knew, but the ever too kind soul had kept to himself even after so much has happened. Too many broken hearts and unkind memories. However,  a lot has made sense now. 

Noorur-rahman regretted trying so hard to remember. She should have settled with was she's offered, at least she shouldn't try to that extend only to be heartbroken again.

But now she remember who she's and it becomes a game changer. Changing all the rules she's now used to. Wiping away that zero tension memory she created in this few months. Albeit, it's only an illusion. 

Remembering those that had hurt her severely. From the unkind memories of Salima to the brutality of Salisu and his malicious mother. Everything that she wishes to forget.

And each day since that Sunday, her mind goes back to those painful days, from being bathed in ice cold water to being trampled on. Nothing seem to be on her mind these days other than that. It's starting afresh all over again.

"Noorie, don't do that please!" Aunty Rabi'a pleaded for the umpteenth time since she noticed the change in her niece.

"What am I doing?"

"Dearest, you're closing up on us."

Noor sighed deeply pulling her duvet over her face. "I'm just sleepy, aunt!" She said under her cover, hoping for her aunt to leave. But she knew better.

"No dear, That's not how sleepy look like?"

"Aunty please, lemme just sleep." She grunt, aiming to make her aunt finally give up trying.

"Fine, I will leave. But listen, Noorur-rahman. Sit up and look at me." With Aunt's Rabia's insistence, Noor have no choice than to do as she's asked, though lazily and unwilling.

When Noor sit up staring at the woman who have been almost nagging her to point of exhaustion, she sighed in defeat as her eyes filled up with tears. She know what her aunt is going to talk about, something she's never going to be interested in talking about. She don't even know what came into her when she told her stepmother.

"I feel like I can't do this all over again. I don't want to." Her voice trill at the end and Aunty Rabi'a hugged her immediately. She knew exactly that kind of feeling, the feeling of wanting to give up and closing up all together.

Aunty Rabi'a was not rape, but she's sold and she's close to being rape a thousands times. And she'd escaped in the same manner, for she's sold to a brothel means sleeping with one open and in constant fear. A place where nothing is less than brutal. So she knew how persistence those kind of traumas can be, especially when you have to hide it. When you feel like all eyes are on you and all those fingers are pointing at you, judging you blindly.

"I know, dear. That's why we're here for you. You don't have to ever go through that alone."

"But it still hurt, Aunty. I feel so empty, I can't even look you people in the eyes." It's hard to look, because she remember why that accident happened and why she's in coma for eight month and still not standing on her two feet.

"I'm tired of this knot in my chest being here, " she added rubbing her chest. "It's me hurting, and not them, Salisu had long forgotten about that slap, while I'm still trying so hard to stay strong, but I can do it anymore. I can't." She cries.