Noorur-rahman

To Be Reckless

She's already having a second thought the very moment she place her hand on the door knob. But she gotta do that, so she went and saying her sallam.  "Abbah?"

"Yes, my kitten!" The eerie smile on Noor's face made him adjust his spectacles taking his attention away from his the pile  paperwork in front of him. She stands across him in his study room with that smile that only him knows

"Now, what's making you look like a dolphin, Noorie."  Her smile only grows bigger making him even more curious.  She stands across him in his study room with that smile that only him knows.

"Can I be reckless?" That's all it takes for him to lose interest at the pile of paperwork in front of him

"No, you can't, Noorur-rahman." Abbah replied rather too quickly.

"Okay, then. I'm off to school. Have a good week, abbah." She smiled, though different from eerie kind.

"No dear, not that quick. We have to talk it first. Come and sit with me." He gets up from behind his desk and gesture for her to come sit with him on the sofa. Noor sighed, she shouldn't have asked. For certainly, her abbah's thought is going south. He looked confuse and ponder what his daughter means by being reckless. That's an impulsive thought!

"No, it's okay. Nothing important." Her heart is currently shaking from not knowing what to say to him. Why did she have to ask something like that? Of course, being reckless will mean doing things without thinking at all.

"Come back here, Noor." He ordered her back, his face still not looking serious. Abbah knew how to get people to talk to him. And being serious doesn't necessarily means one will talk, at least not freely with ease. "What do you mean by being reckless, dear?"

Knowing abbah wouldn't let her leave without explain herself, she gives in and slumped on the sofa next to her him lika a clueless in the eyes of the world.

Abbah's attentive eyes scrutinized her, patiently waiting for to hear what she have to say. Noor will always ask him if she could do certain things, mostly things she'll do wholeheartedly. She'll always asked him if it's okay to do it.

"What's it? Tell me."

"Nothing, abbah."

" No dear, that's not nothing. Being reckless means a lot of things. You're not especially careful, so it worries me that you asked if you can be reckless. Is it one of those things that lacks  positive equivalent? Are you trying to endanger yourself?" He questioned.

"No abbah, please forget I asked that."

"Do you have a boyfriend, Noor?"

Her eyes widen at once, "abbah! What kind of boyfriend." She grimaced, dusting  imaginary dust off her skirt.

"That's what most girls your age do.

"Okay, but I don't. I can have one now, right?" He can see how her eyes twinkle at the thought, but then, she asked if she could be reckless.

"I will get you married to one of them, if you start having boyfriends." Abbah added jokingly with teasing smile to block his rising fear.

"Really though abbah, can't I have a boyfriend? I mean I will be eighteen by the end of next  month and I have never dated any guy." It just dawned on her that she had never dated anybody. Apart from Isma'il, not even a secret admirer. Least none that she can think of.

"Is that an issue now?"

"It's supposed to be, I mean I'm a girl,  abbah." And she just have to remind herself that she's talking abbah, she have to somehow control what she said. But then, don't they always talk about everything? They had a long talk when she started her menstruation, so why not about boyfriends? Though, with all indication, she have zero interest in having one. Especially, with the way her heart beat last night, Noor is very sure that's not her field of interest. She can't be worried for someone else in such a manner that requires emotional investment.