Dreamland Review Archive

Thunder and Opal (CW)

"Books have never been so dangerous"

"And you thought paper cuts were the worst damage a book could do"

So yeah.  I got no other suggestions.  I like the idea you're going with your subtitle.  Trying to give us an idea of the book since the title doesn't really convey it (nor does the cover, really).  But I think it needs to be something more epic and less... Duh.

Title

Still no idea what it has to do with the story, but this time in a better way because titles don't have to be obvious, so yay!

I dunno.  I just kind of really like you didn't do something simple like "The Book Dealer" or "The Book Games" or something like that.

Instead we get "Thunder and Opal."  It isn't necessarily anything special or eye grabbing, but I enjoy the contrast.  You have thunder, a sound from nature that is so forceful you can feel it, and then opal, a beautiful stone.  Something that can be terrifying versus something pretty to look at.

So yes.  Me likey.

Blurb

Not even addressing the content of the blurb yet, but quite simply: it's long.  Most of the recommendations for blurbs I see are 100-150 and sometimes 150-200.  Yours is 274, 124 words more than the average suggestion (since both of them include 150).  You could maybe get away with it if every detail in the blurb was necessary and exciting. 

However, I'm looking at your blurb after I've read the first five chapters, and it, quite simply, doesn't feel like that.

Like, there isn't much that makes me go "eh, maybe this shouldn't be here?" but it's enough that 274 words feels too long.  I feel like you try to do a bit too much world building in your blurb?  That or you use more words than needed to get the same point across.  An example is your first paragraph:

"Quillan is a book dealer with an edge that sees her dominating the market in her city: she can open books the High King sealed years ago during the Burials."

This doesn't give us much about the Burials, but based on context, we can assume it has to do with the High King and the books getting sealed.  We don't really need to know much more than that going into the book, where the actual world building gets done.

The stuff with the Sorrows isn't bad since their origin is very important to their motivation for the part in the plot they play.  However, when it comes to them being mentioned... Honestly, the part felt overly filled to me with stuff which got me confused with the plot.  It seemed like she was originally employed by the council but later found out, hey, there's a plot going on by the Sorrows.  I think it needs to be made clear that the Sorrows approach her first to act like she's helping the Council when she needs to be helping them.  Example with some changes to make it more... flowy?

"When a new bookseller makes a complaint to the Council of the Sun Chamber, she is arrested by Sorrows, the kingdom's notorious wardens bound to a curse that has taken their memories.  They have been obedient for years, but with Quillan's powers, they see a chance at freedom."

Just something to make it clear whose side she's on, or at least whose side she's most helping.  

Your summary offers a lot of good stuff.  The plot is interesting, the writing isn't bad (only mistake I really see is the weird second sentence fragment).  I could see this summary grabbing people.  I just believe that it needs to be tightened up by making it all flow together in a clearer way that better reflects the plot and maybe saving some of the motivation/world buliding for the book.