We Can be Heroes {Sanders Sides Superhero AU}

Chapter 38

Extra-long chapter

TW: Anxiety, mentions of homophobia, mentions of cancer

Day Fifty-One | Saturday | April 29th

"It's okay Virgil" Roman said as he spoke to the still shaking boy. 

Virgil shook his head and tried to take his hands back from Roman. The actor had gotten into the habit of grabbing them whenever Virgil began to get anxious, which had made the drive back to the apartment terrifying. But it didn't matter, Roman didn't like the idea of Virgil scratching at himself or pulling at his hair. And since he was stronger than Virgil was, holding his hands wasn't a problem, so when Virgil tried to pull away it proved to be useless. "People could have died" Virgil whispered.

"But nobody did. Everyone got out alive."

"But they got hurt"

"But they're alive." Roman told him, "Virgil, listen, if Logan, Patton, and I thought about every single person that got hurt instead of every person that was alive than we never would have made it as heroes"

Virgil tried yanking his hands away but Roman had a tight grip on them, "I'm not  a hero. I'm a villain. I've hurt people. That's all I've done. I'm the bad guy, you're the good guys. No one can change that" Virgil looked up at Roman, as if daring him to tell him he was wrong, but he didn't. To be completely fair, Roman didn't say anything because he didn't know what to say. "I'm not supposed  to  think of the people that survived. I'm supposed to think of the people who got hurt. Because the more people that got hurt the happier they were."

"You don't have to think like that anymore Virgil." Roman said, scooting closer to Virgil. "You're not a villain anymore. Yeah, you've hurt people but you feel sorry about it. It hurts you to hurt others, it hurts you when Deceit and Remus try and hurt others. You want to know a secret Virgil?" Virgil didn't say anything and Roman took a deep breath, "When Logan, Patton, and I first became heroes we sucked at it-"

"That's not a secret"

"Hush." Roman said, "But... during our very first fight with you and Deceit and Remus, I managed to hit you once." Roman said, "You weren't our biggest priority because mostly it seemed like you were there to just cause chaos, but I did hit you. I-I lit you on fire, do you remember that?"

Virgil nodded, "It burned" he muttered

Roman winced a little but nodded, "Yeah. I know, I saw your suit catch fire. I saw you start to panic as you tried to put it out. And then when Remus came to help you, and he patted out the fire I even saw that your skin was red and burned. But I didn't feel bad."

Virgil flinched and Roman pulled one of his hands back, placing it on Virgil's shoulder, "I'm sorry that came out wrong. I meant that I didn't feel bad because I thought I was doing the right thing." Roman sighed, "I saw you using your powers, and knock out a cop. I thought she was dead-"

"Nobody died that day"

"Yeah, we know that now. But that first night I didn't know that. And even when the news report said it the next day, I still didn't feel bad."

"You're not helping" Virgil growled a little

"I-I know, just listen okay? I didn't feel bad because I thought you were a villain and I thought you deserved it. I thought that and I knew nothing about you. But now? I know more about you than Norah does and you knew her for much longer than you've known me" Roman took Virgil's hand again when he noticed him digging his nails in again "You have no idea who those people are that got hurt are. They could be anyone, they could be bad people. Did you consider that?"