Dreamland Review Archive

Solivagant (P)

Hook

When I first started reading this a couple months back, the prologue didn't exist, and I remember saying that I felt the beginning of the first chapter was a little dull, for a beginning of a book. That problem has been definitely fixed by the addition of the prologue. Good job.

It's action-packed, the imagery is fantastic, and the little boy feels so realistic that it pulls on your heartstrings. I feel so sorry for him. I'm pretty sure who he is in relation to the main story, but my suspicion hasn't been exactly confirmed, which I love. I'm glad it keeps the element of mystery. It grips me to keep on reading.

So yes, your writing is very hooking. One quick thing though - I think you should separate the first line of the prologue from the rest of the paragraph. Maybe it's just my obsession with one-liners, but I feel like separating that from the description of the scene would make it more impactful.

Characters

You do a great job with these. Asher has clearly spent a lot of time feeling alone and afraid, yet I admire his courage and determination to stick to his values, even if it means death. He's certainly a main character I can rally behind, and I really want him to be safe. But, of course, that's unlikely.

My favourite - so far - is Wade, because I'm a sucker for adorable characters, and he is certainly that, but he also has his amazingly-brave moments. His loyalty and trust in Asher is incredible. He's just such a nice boy, a great friend to Ash, and a hero all the same. The interactions between him and Asher show just how well they get on, right from the start. His father is also a very gentle soul, though he seems tough at first, and obviously cares for both boys a lot.

There's also the Valkir guy. I bet there's more to him that he seems. I like how there always seems to be a slight threat in his words, and the fact that he hasn't given a name yet just makes him seem more menacing. Maybe when we do learn his name (which I now have - and I love it), he'll start to feel more like a human being. Right now, he's more of a mysterious shadowy monster - which works well, because I think that's what Asher sees him as at the moment.

In all, you're very good at conveying character through just a few lines of dialogue and expressions. After just a couple of chapters, I felt attached to them already.

Writing Style

It feels very clean and crisp. Your imagery is fantastic, and perfectly captures every scene. I love the tiny details - they really add realism and clarity - but you don't overdo it. The description weaves in with the dialogue and action, which reads excellently.

I particularly like the way you describe Asher's magic. It feels like a living force, and I love how you tie it in with his emotions. It flows beautifully - so much so that it's hard to stop reading.

In terms of grammar, I didn't spot any obvious issues. It all works well.

Plot

I love the story so far. It twists and turns, it's exciting to read, and I care about the characters enough to want to stick with them and know what happens next. I really like that it's unexpected - especially in Chapter Three, when everything had calmed down, and Asher had time to reflect, and we're just thinking everything will be ok... and then we're abruptly tossed into gripping action. It feels alarmingly sudden, but I like that, because that's how it must feel to him.

In fact, the entire story has an air of mystery about it. I don't know where it's going, which is a good thing. Right now, I have nothing more than guesses about why Asher is so powerful and who the Valkir guy is. I've seen books where you get all the answers to those sorts of key questions within the first few chapters, which is kind of disappointing. I'm glad you've kept me guessing.

The first chapter introduces us to the characters and adds a little world-building - but not much, which keeps that mystery. Also, for people who leap into a book and immediately forget what the summary said, it adds curiosity as to why Asher is so afraid. We have a fantastic hook at the end of that chapter, and then we see his magic in the next. It's really interesting to see how it works. Though the explanation is a little info-dump like, it's worded in a way that feels personal to Asher and is gripping in its own way. Your world is shown clearly, and we all immediately understand why the king and his Valkir are so scary. By the end of that second chapter, I was completely invested in the story.

It is a fascinating book, and I'm really enjoying it. For impatient people like me, it's great that it gets exciting so quickly. You give us just enough normality to get a taste for our world and characters, before we're thrown into all the danger.

Overall Thoughts

Fantastic book! Will definitely keep reading. I don't really have any problems with your writing - I genuinely struggled to come up with negative things to say. I love your world and your characters, and I'm really glad I came across you. :D

You're an amazing writer. I want more. The mystery is excellent for hooking, but not for impatient wolves who are desperate for answers. Stop making me care so much. Grr.