Love Me Not - {riren au}

Love Me Not ~ 15

"I'm surprised to hear you say that." Eren mumbled. "I didn't think you'd back off like that if I actually was dating him. I'm not and definitely don't plan on it. So let's not go that far."

"He's been around a lot. He was here for dinner, you were just with him.. it wouldn't be insane to think that you two could come together." Mikasa murmured.

"You're forgetting something very big. How do you know he's even attracted to men? You told me you saw him with a girl. Did you forget about that completely?" Eren sighed.

"They looked like they were dating, but I could be wrong." Mikasa shrugged.

"When are you ever wrong though? You're always right. He has a girlfriend and that doesn't bother me at all. It shouldn't bother me. Having him around has just caused me stress and discomfort. I would rather him not be in my life right now." Eren frowned. Did he actually mean that though?

"Did something else happen?" Mikasa asked.

"His friend Erwin." Eren sighed. "He seems like a decent guy. He thinks we're sleeping together and asked me in the bookstore in front of Sasha and Jean. I know he probably didn't have any bad intentions, him and Levi seem close. It was just awkward."

"Seriously?" Mikasa asked, brows furrowing. "That's not something to bring up like that."

"I let that go already. I'm just frustrated. If Levi wasn't here I wouldn't have this awkward relationship with Erwin now. His family owns the bookstore. What if they fire me?" Eren stood up and took his empty plate to the sink.

Mikasa followed and watched as Eren washed his plate and set it on the dish rack. She sat on the counter. "I don't think they could fire you over that. It's not like you're sleeping with your boss or something. Levi is just a customer there. And you're not even sleeping with him in the first place."

"If they really went to get rid of me, they'll find a reason." Eren sighed.

"I don't think he'd be that petty. He's like twenty two years old. I wouldn't put it past someone our age, but they're supposedly more mature." Mikasa ran a hand through her hair.

"We're eighteen." Eren did the remaining dishes in the sink and set them on the rack to dry. "I just don't understand why being around Levi makes me so anxious. It's all in the past. I'm really trying to move forwards. I even went to his apartment for coffee. I didn't want to go, but I ended up going. It wasn't as bad as I thought."

"Do you think you'd catch feelings for him? Did those feelings ever leave? He was your first love." Mikasa asked.

"No. There's no way." Eren shook his head.

"Armin seems pretty convinced you're in love and don't realize it." Mikasa added. "I could see why. The way you react when he's around could give someone that impression."

Eren sighed. "I know I don't react normally. It's just anxiety. I feel like my fourteen year old self again when I see him. I get nervous."

"That's understandable. It's someone prominent from your past." Mikasa hopped off of the counter. "You should get some sleep. It might help with your stress."

"Fine." Eren dried his hands off. "I'll shower and go to sleep early."

"Do you work tomorrow?" Mikasa asked. "I'm off, I thought maybe we could go to the beach or something."

"Just us?" Eren asked, raising an eyebrow.

"With Armin of course. Did you want to invite anymore from work?" Mikasa asked.

"I guess I could invite Sasha and Connie. I could ask them to bring friends too. Not Jean though. Anyone at your job?" Eren asked.

"I don't think anyone would be interested honestly. I'm not really close with anyone. Maybe Annie? I know everyone knows each other, so she'd end up there because if Berholdt and Reiner."

"But then that means Historia might go." Eren shuddered. He couldn't get over the fact that he took her to the dance when they were younger and ran when they were about to kiss. He abandoned Historia on her doorstep.

Mikasa rolled her eyes. "That was in what, ninth grade? She definitely got over it."

"I really thought she was going to send Ymir after me. Ymir was like her body guard or something. I'm surprised she wasn't waiting in the bushes outside of her house." Eren teased.

"Okay, but you're also forgetting that they're together now." Mikasa walked out of the kitchen and into the living room.

"What?!" Eren looked at Mikasa. "Wow. Good for them."

"I mean everyone thought they were dating in high school. They probably were, but decided to be more public about it once they graduated." Mikasa was surprised Eren didn't know they were officially together.

Hearing they were dating made Eren frustrating. Historia and Ymir were more people that seemed confident and proud of who they were.

Jean was proud of his sexuality as well.

It made him realize how little confidence he had.

Eren didn't think there was anything wrong with not being straight. He knew people could be with whoever they wanted. It was just hard for him to make that transition to find someone. Someone he'd be ready to come out for. Someone he'd bring home to his father.

It upset him. Mikasa could tell that something was off. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm gonna shower now. Send a text to Armin and let people know. Tell them to bring friends. Night." Eren turned and went into his bedroom.

He gathered his things and then went into the bathroom to shower.

As he stepped into the shower he stood under the hot water, practically sulking. How did people come out? The thought scared him. How would his dad react?

Eren normally didn't care what people thought about him. It changed with his sexuality. When it came to him being gay he worried how people would react.

He knew that wasn't a great way to think. Keeping it a secret would be impossible as well.

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