What's Done in the Dark

Chapter 38: Deshawn

"So did you see the baby when you went up there yesterday?" My mom asks.

"No. I went to the nurse's station and they swabbed me."

"Well, they are both beautiful babies. I can look at Octavia and see she's yours. You didn't need a test Deshawn the girl told you the truth."

"Told me the truth? She lied about the whole pregnancy."

"I don't think she lied. Tavia is yours she thought both babies we're yours."

"I really don't want to hear this. She's a liar."

"And you are not? When she told you about Arabella did you tell her about Keyshawn or Deshawn Jr?"

Rubbing my hand down my face, I shake my head. "Better yet did you tell her you almost missed the birthday of your only daughter because you had both of your sons and couldn't get in contact with their mothers?"

"No mom I didn't and it doesn't matter now. It's over between us."

"Well, I'm sure it is. Arabella's dad is a nice looking white guy, he was helping Nicolette. Steady touching her and smiling at her." My mom is watching me as she talking about this. "Matter of fact his whole family came up there they were holding her and Octavia going on about how beautiful they are and Octavia's dad is home sulking cause his wife played the same game he has been playing for years."

"Mom I can't look at that baby. It hurts too much."

"Deshawn get over yourself and go be a father to that little girl. Their whole lives are going to be difficult because of this situation. Don't you be a part of the problem." She walks out of the living room. Looking down at KJ I lay back on the couch.

Grabbing my phone I text Chris. I dropped Nicolette's car off when I got the majority of my stuff out of the house.

Me: Can you get me?

Chris: Yeah be there in 15

Standing I walk to the back. "Mom, can you watch Keshawn? I going to the hospital."

"Yes I can but I think Nicolette is being released today."

"Chris went up there earlier. She's not leaving until later when her dad closes."

"Ok."

I walk in my room I share with KJ and change shirts. Walking out, I head back to the living room Keyshawn is now two so I've been trying to potty train him. "Come on buddy let's go to the potty," I tell him and he follows me.

"Daddy me a big boy," Keyshawn says clapping his hand.

"Yes, you are. You're daddies big boy, and big boys go to the potty."

"I go to the potty, cause I big boy."

When we are done in the potty I get the text from Chris saying that he's outside."

"Mom I'm gone," I yell.

When I get in the car Chris is giving me a pitying look. "Bro, Octavia is so pretty. You're going to need a shotgun," he says, pulling off.

"Who was up there when you left?"

"Nobody she was there by herself."

"Did you see both babies?"

"Yes. They were both in the room with her. I held them both."

I look over at him. "What?" he asks. "I'm not picking sides in this. That girl is like family."

"Like family? I am family."

"Look Deshawn I know you're in your feelings but this is your fault no matter how you try to play this in your head. You left her alone too much. I'm home every night no matter what. I'm not giving another nigga a chance to look at my woman."

I don't say anything because I know what he just said is true just like I know what my mom said is true.

When I get out of the car I hesitate to go in. I'm a little scared to face her after what I said to her. I was wrong but I was in my feelings. I said some shit to hurt her - needing her to feel what I was feeling at that moment.

Walking in, I ride the elevator up to the 4th floor. When I get to her room I stand on the outside of the door before going in. Stepping in, I see Nicolette standing on the side of the bed. She has on jeans and a shirt.

She stares at me biting her lip. "I didn't think you were coming back."

"I wasn't." I glance down at the floor then back at her. "...but I can't do my baby like that. None of this is her fault. I will be here for her."

Nicolette nods. "She's right there." she points at the bed close to me.

Walking over to the baby bed, I look in and she's laying there just looking around. She looks so much like Keyshawn it's scary. I glance over at the other bed and see blue eyes looking back at me - I hurry and look away. Picking up my baby, I bring her up to my nose and smell her. I then kiss her on her forehead. "Daddy is sorry for just now holding you. I was being an ass. Please forgive me," I whisper to my baby.

"What's her full name?" I ask my back still to Nicolette.

"Octavia Marie Johnson."

"You gave her mom's name for her middle name?" I turn and look at her.

"Yes. It was only fair."

"I bet mom liked that," I say smiling.

"She did." Nicolette smiles. "When we kept trying to come up with nicknames she wanted us to call her Marie, but we all agreed with Tavia or Tay. I'm sure she will call her Marie."

"No, she is already calling her Tavia."

I hear crying and look behind me.

"I will get her," Nicolette says, walking slowly over.

Moving back, I watch her pick up the baby. She seems so happy and relaxed as a mother." It's hard breastfeeding two babies it seems like they are always attached to me," she says, sitting down slow in the chair.

I don't say anything I just watch her. Tabatha and Felicia didn't want to breastfeed. So I've never seen anyone do it. Nicolette just pulls up her shirt and pops her breast out and start feeding the baby.

"So what time are you getting out of here?"

"Umm, dad is coming in about an hour. So I can get all my stuff people bought up here."

"Ok. Will you mind if I come by and see her some evenings?"

"No Deshawn I won't mind."

I nod my head. Looking down at my vibrating phone I see a text.

Chris: Downstairs

Me. 👌

Chris just ran to Target. I had told him I wasn't staying long. Pulling my baby close, I breathe in her scent again kissing her in all her curls. Her hair is jet black like Nicolette's hair. I rub my nose against her cheek.

Knock knock

Looking up I see the door opening. Who comes through the door makes my anger rise.

He looks at me then Nicolette. "I brought you something to eat," he says.

"Thanks," I hear her say as I kiss my baby on the cheek.

Standing up, I put Tay back in the bed. "Ummm...Chris is out waiting. I will see you tomorrow."

"Ok." Nicolette is looking at me with so much remorse in her face. Not realizing that this is my cross to bear.

Not looking at the dude because I'm too scared I won't be able to control myself - I just leave.