What's Done in the Dark

Chapter 4: Nicolette

I try to roll over to my back in my sleep and feel something hard pressed against my back. It takes me a while to realize that there is also a heavy arm wrapped around me. I try to move again and the arm wraps around me tighter. I lay there wondering how long has he been home. When I went to sleep he was still gone. I look around trying to get my eyes to adjust to the dark. I look over towards the window and with the help of the sliver of light coming from the curtain I can see Savages bed and him laying on his back asleep. I try lifting myself up again and this time he loosens his grip a little.

"Where are you going?" He groggily asks me while removing his arm.

"I need to pee."

"Well hurry back I was comfortable," he says while burrowing his face in his pillow. I roll my eyes at that and sit up and grab my phone off the nightstand. The time reads 12:35 a.m. I look down at Deshawn he hasn't made it home this early in months.

Walking in the bathroom I turn on the lights. After peeing I wash my hands and stare into the mirror at my reflection. I wondered again how did we get here. How could the person I loved the most also be the person I'm starting to loathe? "We will get through this" I whisper to myself. I turn off the lights in the bathroom and head back to the bed.

I try to sneak back in bed to not rouse him from his sleep. I close my eyes hoping sleep will follow soon.

As I'm laying here I feel Deshawn's hot breathe against my ear. I'm trying to figure out when he moved over when I start feeling soft kisses on my neck and something stiff poking me in the back. He then snakes his arm around my waist and rests his hand under my shirt. I try to shrug him off because I'm still mad at him.

"Stop. I miss you. Let me hold you and kiss you. I'm sorry. I'm a fuck up" he says while still kissing down the back of my neck. He uses his hand to run over my stomach under my shirt. As he slides his hand up my stomach I can feel the familiar ache between my legs. I'm losing this battle to stay mad as I hear the first moan escape my mouth.

I try again to protest "I have to get some rest. I have work in the morning."

"I'll make it quick. I promise" he says on a desperate plea while caressing my bare breast under my shirt.

I want to say 'No' but I nod my head giving in to the small pleasures of his hands and lips.

He rolls me over to my back and lifts my shirt over my head. The warmth of his body above me transports me back to a time when all I wanted was this. I wrap my legs around his waist bringing him closer. He dips his head softly kissing my lips as he slides his hand down to my underwear. My panties are drenched with my arousal. He slides my panties over to the side and swipes his fingers over my folds.

"You're so wet for me Nicolette", he whispers in my ear as he massages my clit with his thumps. My body arches into his touch wanting more.

I feel him start to kiss me softly down my neck to my bare breast as he continues to rub my clit with his thumb. As he sucks a nipple in his mouth he slides one finger into my opening. I start to feel that familiar heaviness in the bottom of my stomach as he inserts another finger while still rubbing my clit with his thumb. I'm running my hands up and down his back moving my hips in time with his fingers.

"Deshawn" I call out his name begging for more. I need more.

He stops abruptly and jumps off the bed. I look up and see him sliding his boxers down. He then reaches over and drags my soaked panties down my legs. He's about to get back in the bed but I stop him when I remember something very important.

"We need a condom"

"For what?" He asks aggravated with my statement.

"Because I had the doctor to take me off the shot and I can't start the pills until I have my first cycle."

"We don't need no damn condom," he says as if this is the dumbest shit he has ever heard. "Hell, I'm your husband. Plus it's time for us to have a baby"

I roll my eyes at his words. This is not the time for this conversation.

"The condoms are in the bathroom under the sink," I say ignoring his words.

He starts to climb back in the bed but I hold my hand up stopping his progression.

"Ummm what are you doing? You need to get a condom." I say sternly so he knows I'm being serious.

He stares at me with displeasure in his gaze and says nothing. I stare back with the blankest most unbothered expression I can muster. I even cross my arms over my chest.

I'm really hoping he gets the damn condom though we haven't had sex in a while and I really need this.

He finally turns on his heels and comes back with a condom but you can tell his whole mood has changed. I hate how things have changed between us. It didn't use to be this way. I almost tell him to forget the condom but quickly decide against that stupid thought. We don't need any kids right now. We are not in the right place together as a couple and a baby is not going to help.

He gets back in the bed after sliding on the condom. He climbs between my legs and in one quick thrust he buries himself all the way to the hilt. I gasp for air at the sudden intrusion. He tucks his face in the crook of my neck as he starts thrusting at a rapid pace.

I look over to the window trying to keep the tears from falling. As I lay there taking the relentless thrusting I feel the first tear slide down my cheek. I start my chant in my head. 'Stop this dumb ass crying. Don't you cry', but the tears continue to fall.

I feel so alone at this moment. I don't understand what has happened between us. I ask myself, 'Is he cheating? Does he have someone else? Is that why he is so careless with my feelings.'

He lifts his head up and grabs both of my legs and places them over his forearms. He stops when he looks down at my face and notices the tears. I can see the pained expression that crosses over his face. He suddenly drops my legs and gets up out the bed. He walks to the bathroom and shuts the door. I hear the shower start up as I lay here feeling dejected.

After a few minutes, I get up and slide my shirt back on and get back under the covers. As I'm waiting for him to come out of the bathroom I reach over and grab my phone to check the time. It's about 1:20 at this point.

About twenty minutes later I finally hear the shower turn off and Deshawn emerges out the bathroom with his boxers and sweats on. He goes into the closet and comes back out with a long-sleeve thermal on and his Timberlands in his hands. I'm just watching him not saying anything.

"I'm going to my moms she needs me to take her to the doctor in the morning. I got a ride coming to get me"

I just stare at him at a loss for words. Did he call someone in the bathroom? I didn't even see him grab his phone.

"So you're just going to leave the house at 1:45 in the morning?" I deadpan. Before he can say anything I cut him off. "Ok...whatever," I say rolling over on my side effectively ended this conversation. I pull the covers over my mouth. I'll be damn if he sees how my lips are trembling. I will not let him see how broken I am at this moment.

I hear him sigh as he walks out of the bedroom. Twenty minutes later I hear the front door shut.

I start crying feeling that familiar pang of guilt for pushing him away.