I'm Still Standing

30

Jonathan

Although Rachel can't do much of anything she still comes to my hockey games to support me. Hasn't missed one all season which was pretty cute if you ask me. And even though she won't go to the boxes where her family resides, the girls of some of the guys have adopted her and get her into some good seats in the arena.

Once she gets settled in I head on to the locker room. Music was already blaring and the guys were walking around getting ready for the game. So I join them and hang out in the locker room until it was game time. I drink my protein shake and eat a little until it was time to change and take the ice.

"Rumor has it your girlfriend is here" Brent says as he sits next to me.

"She is" I smile like a idiot.

"You think she's the one" he asks.

I let out a happy sigh as I lean up against the wall. "I do. I really do" I admit.

"Woah. I never thought I would see the day the great Jonathan Toews is serious about a girl" he admits.

I lived with Brent and Sharpy and Duncan my rookie year. They showed me around and taught me what it meant to be a true professional. Of course that meant having fun and sneaking into bars then out of trouble. Sharpy has been with Abby for the longest time and Dayna and Brent have been going steady too. Duncan has Kelly Rae and then there was me, a lonely bachelor in the city. We spent many of the nights out on the town and I was pretty adamant on staying single. I'm young and I'm free and there is so much of my life left ahead of me. I thought being in a relationship would tie me down.

But I never felt so free. I still have the chance to do these amazing things and go amazing places and it's going to be a lot more fun because I have someone to share this all with. The best part of waking up every day is knowing that Rachel loves me and she wants everything I want too. And she supports all the parts of me that I never want to change. Then the parts I don't like she likes anyway because it's a part of who I am and she loves everything about me, the good and the bad.

"Rachel is different. I always knew she was, from the moment I laid eyes on her. She had this look in her eyes, like all she wanted was to love someone and to be loved. She was hurting but not in the way her dad hurt her, it was in the way she thought she had to live. Alone. And now we're together and I can't imagine us being apart. A life without her, even a successful one isn't a life I want to live. I don't see how I could ever be happy with my life if she's not in it. I love her a lot and I know that a long and healthy relationship needs more than love. But we have all the other things we need too" I insist.

"But you're so young" he teases.

I smile as I nod in agreeance. "Yeah, I am. And her even more so. But that's the crazy part, because it feels like it's been forever we've been together. I know that this isn't going to be easy but we've already over come so much. I don't want to ever stop" I insist.

"I can't believe you feel this way over a girl" he claims.

"She's not like any other girl I met. She's real and she's smart and she's passionate. And when her life gets hard she doesn't let it run her into the ground. After everything she's been though she's still smiling, still standing after all this time. And I'm happy to be next to her" I insist.

"Sounds like you found yourself a keeper" he admits.

"I sure hope so. I don't want to think about my life without her in it. Since she's been around it feels like a movie" I happily sigh.

"What would ever cause her to leave" he questions.

My eyes fall as my heart beat slows. I shake my head of the angry thoughts that take over whenever I think about him. "The only reason she would leave is because of her dad. Out of respect to the both of them I'm not going into details but they've been struggling lately. That relationship isn't like one that heals with time. In these instances the more time that passes without a resolve the harder it would be to get them together. But I have to believe deep down she can find it in her heart to forgive him" I explains.

"What did he do" Brent snarls and I smile. He was protective over me and he was protective over Rachel too. She was quite a bit younger than him and she was closest with Dayna so naturally he took on a big brother role. And she loves him as much as he loves him and it made planning double dates a lot easier.

"He's human. He made a mistake one too many times and it came back to bite him in the ass. He tried so hard to make things right, but you can't change what happened no matter what happens next. It's a hard concept for me but it's true. And as much as I would love for her to have a parent of hers a part of her life I'm afraid that's out of my hands. If she has it in her heart to forgive him she will, but until then I'm the only man she loves and trusts and that's how it has to be" I sigh.

"You shouldn't be so hard on yourself. It's not your responsibility as her boyfriend to try and control her happiness. Your mere presence makes her happy and that's enough. She doesn't want you to try to fix her, she just wants to love you and to be loved" he explains.

"She's not broken" I argue.

"She might not be but she feels like she is. Especially now that she can't even walk. I know you won't always be there to help her, you have to trust she's strong enough to figure things out on her own and be there when she needs you. Only when she needs you" he insists.

"I'm trying my best, but this is uncharted territory for me. She's met the parents, she's stayed over, I told her I love her. This is a world of firsts for me and I just don't want to mess it up" I whisper.

"You'll be fine. It only gets harder form here but that's what makes it worth it" he promises.