I'm Still Standing

38

Rachel

It comes final week and let me say, I was feeling stressed. If I pass all my classes I graduate in a few weeks and I'm on my way to a bigger and brighter future. If I don't pass I don't know what I'll do, all I know is cooking and if I fail at this and can't run I'll surely lose my mind. I've gone through so many years of schooling for it all to rest on this one week, kind of crazy if you think about it. But I needed to do this to prove to myself that I can make something of my life. That I can make a difference in my own life and amount to something. I wanted to prove to everyone that I didn't spend all that time hidden not finding myself. I know who I am and what I want to do.

Most of all I wanted to do this for my mom. So I can share the recipes we made all those nights we couldn't leave the house. I can put her name up everywhere so everyone will know her name. Know what she did for me and for Jeremy no matter how hard it was for her. She should have been here to see me graduate, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her. And it sucks that she's gone, but I wanted more than anything to do this for her.

So I throw myself into the studies. I don't miss a game but I would be lying if I said I didn't bring a study guide or two with me. Jon is convinced I'm his good luck charm because the one game I missed in the first round he did awful and said it's because I wasn't watching. So I make sure I do my part and be there for him as he supports me and my dreams too.

"You're coming to the game tonight, right" he asks as we sit in the kitchen. Technically I was studying by making food so I was doing my part.

"Like you would let me stay home" I tease.

"And you graduate soon, right" he asks.

"Well that depends. If I pass all my classes it'll be close to the end of May. If not it'll be sometime next year" I sigh.

"You'll pass. You're the smartest person I know" he scoffs.

I smile as I look over at his stuffing his face with a pancake. "You must not know a lot of people" I tease.

"I know tons of people. But you're the smartest" he claims.

"Well thank you for believing in me" I smile.

"I always believe in you. That's why I already got you a graduation gift" he claims.

I furrow my eyebrow at him and try to read him. But his eyes don't leave his plate, like he hadn't eaten in days. "You don't have to get me anything" I insist.

"I didn't. But I wanted to get you this. You stand beside me and my dream and I want to help you start up yours. Graduating is hard enough as is, and for someone as young as you in your situation to be able to do what you did is great. Why you did it and who you did it for. Now that you live with me and we're on this journey together I can't help but want to do something special for you" he says.

"You just being here for me means the world to me" I reply as I reach over to grab his hand. He holds mine in his as I look into his big doe eyes. "I don't want anything more than your heart."

"And I appreciate that" he admits. "But I know you're going to do big things. Things that are going to change so many peoples lives including me. I just want you to have the best opportunity to be who want to be. And that's my most favorite person in the world" he says as he squeezes my hand.

I haven't a clue what he got me and I could sit here for hours and try to figure it out but I wouldn't be able to. But the fact he cares this much in the first place is already more than I could ask for. He truly believes in me and my future just as I believe in him and his. I love that I found someone who looks at me and doesn't see my dad or my mom, just me. The perfect combination of the both of them.

"What am I going to do with you" I ask and he smiles.

"I was hoping you were going to stay with me" he claims.

"Jonny I already told you, I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying" I promise him.

"I mean forever" he claims.

I squeeze his hand as I look deep into his eyes. "Me too."

After breakfast I head to take my culinary final. This one I was least worried about to be honest with you. I've known this stuff since the third grade so it was like a Spanish speaking person taking their Spanish test. After this I have just two more finals left and I could be done with college before I even turn 22. And I couldn't wait for this to be over and walk that stage and into my future.

After doing a quick change and taking care of my puppies I was on my way to the game. I find my seats with Jons parents and we hang out in the boxes eating the food in the family room. I was still a little cautious for being up here but the food was a lot better around here and as a cook I appreciate the selection they had. So we grab some food as we wait for the Hawks to take on the Canucks.

"How's school going? Almost done" Andreé wonders and I smile.

"Thankfully yes. It's what happens next that scares me" I admit.

"Are you planning to stay around here" she wonders.

"I am" I admit. "I couldn't imagine starting my career anywhere else. Maybe one day I will be successful enough to open a restaurant in a bunch of cities, but for now I'm looking to start up here. Make my momma proud" I explain.

"She would have been so proud of you. The way you handled losing her and moving on. The way you opened your heart up even though that meant you could get hurt again. You're a strong girl Rachel, and any parent would be lucky to have you" she insists.

I could big as I pull her into a side hug. "That means more to me than you will ever know" I whisper.

More than she will ever know.