I'm Still Standing

54

Rachel

My whole life I've only known a life from living in apartments. You pay to do laundry, the neighbors are annoying, parking is a impossible and trying to get groceries in is a pain in the ass. So as we get the go ahead to move into the house I realized that I don't really know what I'm doing. I mean, it's basically just a big apartment so it shouldn't be too hard. But given my history I over think everything and this will probably be harder than it needs to be for me.

After spendings a few days packing things up, ending our contract with our current housing and making sure the house was ready we move in. So Jeremy and his family helps me move into the new house. Brandi and Brett play with the dogs in the backyard as we get everything where we needed it to be. I hang out with Jeremy in the living room as I put up some pictures and quotes I found that I liked.

My dad joins me as we set up the main area. I was hoping to be done with it today and not have to worry about it ever again. Maybe someday down the road we might want to paint or get different furniture, but for now we love the things we had and we weren't going to ask for more.

"Can I ask you something" I wonder out loud as my dad gets down from the ladder. We were putting shelves up on the walls for some of our achievements like the awards Jonny has won and whatever I get from my restaurant.

"Of course" Jeremy assures me as he gets off the ladder. He stops in front of me as I look up at him.

"If mom and I was in a place like this... would you still leave" I ask.

I could tell my question made him uncomfortable because for so long he didn't have to think about this kind of stuff. Maybe he wondered if we're happy or if we're okay, but he never thought through what his actions did to us.

"I don't know. The apartment you guys lived in wasn't the greatest place in the world, but for a few years it was home.

But the reason I left wasn't because of where you guys lived. That had nothing to do with you two. We could have been anywhere but it wouldn't have changed the fact that I was so off. I wasn't thinking, I was being selfish and I didn't know any better. I don't want you to think you can't have a beautiful place like this and not be able to call it home because of me. I don't want you to look at Jonathan and be afraid that he will turn out like me.

Jonathan is a great man Rach, he won't hurt you in the ways I have. He's not capable. That man is everything your mother thought I was. And I'm sorry I was never that to her. I'm sorry that I loved her in silence and let her go before I even tried to make it work. I thought we were too young but honestly that wasn't it. Like I always say she was the right girl at the wrong time.

But I'm thankful for her and I'm thankful for you. I don't think this place is going to be one where you feel alone or abandoned. Here is where your life with Jonathan continues and I really think you guys will make it" he claims.

I let out a long sigh as I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. "What could have I done to make you stay then" I whisper.

"Nothing baby, because you weren't the problem" he insists.

I silently nod as I feel the tears come up. But before they can even fall he pulls me into one of those hugs that's so tight you don't think you can ever let go.

"I'm so sorry for everything I put you through. I wanted to be here today to make sure you're able to make a life that you deserve. It's more than I could ever give you and I hope that it treats you well. I hope that one day, when you guys are ready, you can have a family of your own and you can look around here and see how blessed you are. You've suffered long enough, it's time you make your life into what you want it to be" he claims.

"Thank you, dad" I say.

He looks down at me with a smile. "I'm dad again" he wonders.

"Yeah. I can't be mad at you for what you have already done. It's over with and I need to move on. Mom was right, you're a good guy who just seems to over think things and end up getting hurt in the end. But I know you love me and you want me to be happy. And I am, I promise you I am" I insist.

"Good" he smiles.

After a while I realize that I haven't seen Jon almost all day. I didn't expect to help me in the kitchen but I set up our room by myself and the living room with my dad. I hadn't seen him since we left the apartment for the last time this morning.

"Hey Traci" I stop her as we pass by the hallway, "have you seen Jonny?"

"I was actually just on the way to get you. He wants you to come to the bedroom that's across from the master bedroom" she explains.

I tilt my head to the slade as I look at her weird. "Why" I wonder.

"He has something to show you" is all she says.

So I do as I'm told and I go upstairs to the bedroom across the hall. The door was closed like it has been all day so I open it up and walk in.

When I do I see pictures across the wall. They hung on strings as the date and occasion was written on the wall under them. It looked like a timeline of Jon and I being together and it was adorable.

"Surprise" a deep voice says and I turn around. I see Jonny standing there smiling as big as ever as he watched my reaction.

I run over and jump into his arms as he catches me easily. "What did you do" I whisper.

He sets me down as he turns to his masterpiece he was obviously very proud of. "It's a timeline of our days together. I know you don't like pictures a lot but we have a lot of them. The NHL awards, the day we won the cup, your graduation, opening day of the restaurant. We might have only been together for 10 months but we've been through so much. We've been through hell, we've over come our differences and now we get to live in this beautiful home" he explains.

"What made you want to do this" I question.

"You" he replies making me smile. "I realized that you were worried I won't see this place as a home to come to when I'm sad or when I'm happy. But I will because it's our home. I look at these pictures and I see just the beginning of the rest of our lives together. I didn't always see it that way, but now it's as clear as day. We were meant to be together and this is just another moment on a timeline of wonderful memories" he smiles.

"Are you going to keep up on this" I ask. He wasn't very... artistic to say the least. So him putting so much effort in this is awesome.

"I plan to. Although you are going to have to write the stuff down. I had Tracy do the other writing because mine is awful. But it would mean a lot if you and I worked on this together, see just how far we've come" he explains.

"I would love that" I smile.