I'm Still Standing

49

Rachel

Even though the Stanley cup festivities were over I was going to miss worshipping Jonathan every chance I had. I can still do that it just wouldn't be as much fun by myself. I enjoyed the parade and all the speeches and stuff like that. His parents did a hell of a job getting so many things packed into just two days. And while I'm sad it's over it'll be nice to settle down for a few days and explore Canada. Both times I've been up here was for hockey but Jonny made plans of his own to show me around and let me see where he grew up since he knew all about my home town.

He ends up taking me to his favorite restaurant and we sit down for a nice meal. He orders me poutine because I told him I never had it and he almost looked disgusted in me. The most disgusted he's ever looked at me in the almost nine months we've been together. With me being who I am I happily agree to trying new food. And who knows, if I like it enough maybe I'll put it on the menu for the restaurant. Chicago is home to a lot of different people so I wanted to showcase that there is something you can find there that tastes like home, wherever that may be. They can find it in their new home in Chicago, and new favorite place to eat.

"You haven't stopped smiling since we arrived back in Canada, what is with you" I finally ask him.

He just smiles bigger as he stares through me with that look. "I don't know. I've been through a lot and to be back where I started is so much fun. I got to see old friends and go to old places. And yet everything is like the first time because I got to do it with you. And this time was great because I got to do the things I love with the one person I love more than anything. Things like that make me smile" he defends.

"Then how come you never talked about being home when we were in Chicago" I wonder.

He just shrugs as he looks around. "I don't know. I guess it's just a guy thing where I don't like to talk about it. I traveled a lot when I was a kid and didn't spend a lot of time at home. I traveled throughout Canada and the US playing with guys I will one day play against, against some guys who I play with now. When I used to come home it was because hockey was over and that wasn't exactly my favorite time of the year. I don't know, I guess I never truly appreciated it until I couldn't be home for months at a time.

But being here now, with you and my parents and my brother and the cup. Well, this is probably the best feeling in the world" he claims.

I reach over and grab his hand as I smile. I squeeze him tightly as he smiles back. "I love you so much Jonathan Toews" I whisper.

"And I love you Rachel Roenick" he winks.

Eventually they bring out our food and I dig in immediately. And I'm not going to lie, this is one of the best dishes I've ever had. That's saying something...

"Why have you never mentioned this stuff before" I mumble as I shove more food into my mouth.

"They have some in America but it just doesn't taste the same" he claims. "And now you know how I feel whenever I eat your food."

"This has to be on my menu, but it has to be done right. Does your mom know how to make this" I wonder.

"Of course" he scoffs.

"Alright. Then before I leave I want her to teach me everything she knows about this dish. It's incredible" I groan.

"You are" he claims as I send him a playful glare.

"Don't you start with me" I threaten as he laughs.

"I know I know. I just, you have so many burdens in this life. So many reasons to hate the world. People way more fortunate complain and argue and shake their fists at the world.

Then there is you, who has been hurt time and time again. Who has every reason to stay down each time life pushes you. But then you get up, you put a smile on your face and you live your life. There's people like me who has a great home growing up and all the opportunities. I'm only here because both of my parents got me here. This city helped raised me and I came back because it was always there for me.

Your city wasn't even allowed to know you exist. Your father abandoned you and wouldn't talk to you until it was too late. And you're still happier than me. Stronger than me. You took this place that meant nothing to you and now it's your whole world. You love poutine and you're learning French and my family has taken you in.

I guess it's just incredible to see unfold, the person you've become even though your life was so mean to you. I can still sit with you and see you smile and know that you're the only person I know that's strong enough to still be able to smile" he explains.

"I'm not just unreasonably happy. I have my reasons I smile. And the reason you see it is because you put it there. You're the reason I always smile. For everything good you've seen in me is there because you are. Only my mom made me this happy and even then it wasn't true happiness.

You make me really happy. How can I be mad at the world when I have you? When you show me that you love me and that you want me? That's the best feeling in the world, I can't be mad at that" I defend.

"Still, I can't help but feel bad sometimes. I can't give you a better past" he sighs.

"Baby, you can't worry about that stuff" I sigh. "You might not have stopped the hurt that's already happened, but you're the best part of my present and future. Give me something to look forward to so I don't have time to look back" I say.

"I think I can do that" he smiles.

"I think so too" I promise.