I'm Still Standing

23

Jonathan

I'm never one to be complacent in my life, there's always more I can do. More out there for me to try and be. But at this point in my life, I find it hard to ask for more than I already have. I have a beautiful relationship with a woman I love and my team is one of the best in the league and I just won a gold medal. I mean... I feel bad if I ask for anything else at this point in my life. I have it good compared to others and while I shouldn't be comparing my life to someone else's, it's hard deny that I have it good.

I lay in bed all wrapped up with Rachel as I watch the sunrise over us. Usually we just fall asleep together on the couch but last night we decided to come to bed for once. We didn't do anything extra curricular, just held each other softly until we fell asleep.

Rachel moves in closer to me as I pull her in tight. I just watch her exist peacefully for once. It's nice that with everything that's happened to her she can still find peace, even if it's only when she's sleeping with me. I softly move her hair out of her face causing her to stir. Her bright hazel eyes slowly open before she finds me. As soon as her eyes meet mine she smiles nice and big making me smile back.

"I didn't mean to wake you" I say softly as I try to shake my morning voice.

"I'm usually up by now because I sleep like crap anyway" she insists.

"You have trouble sleeping" I wonder.

"Always have" she sighs. "But I think you're the best cure to that."

"You think" I smirk as she rolls her eyes at me.

"I know" she claims.

We just lay there for a little while longer before my fingers gets tangled up in her necklace. I softly pick up the locket and take a look at the beautiful engraving in the outside. It had some type of design but I'm not sure what it meant, I've never seen that before.

"What does this mean" I ask as I run my thumb across it.

"It's a symbol that means "to overcome". My mom always doodled it a lot on her calendars and papers and I finally asked what the symbol meant one day when I was just a kid. I thought it was pretty but that's all I knew about it.

She told me that if I wore this symbol it means that I have enough strength to over come anything god throws at me. That strength is knowing when to use it but also knowing when you need to be vulnerable. Growing up I had to overcome a lot of different things. Things I didn't want to overcome at time.

But strength isn't not feeling sad or not getting upset, strength is facing the problem head on and overcoming it. She... she showed me how to be my best even when my circumstances were working against me. I couldn't have overcome what we went through if it wasn't for her" she explains.

"Your mom sounds wonderful. I would have loved to meet her" I insist.

"She would have loved you. You're everything my dad was supposed to be and more" she claims.

"I wish I could have met her" I admit.

She rests her hand on my bare chest and I could feel her finger prints on my heart. "You would have loved her. She loves hockey and she knows everything there is to know about it. I see a lot of her in you, how courageous you are and how you live your life with all the passion in your body. No matter what you do you do it with a full heart.

It sucks not a lot of people got to meet her because for whatever reason she wanted to protect my dad. People would have loved her, but at the same time I'm kind of happy that I got her all to myself. She's the greatest person I know and I got 20 wonderful years with her. More than anyone else.

And while I miss her like hell I wouldn't change a thing of what happened. Not a damn thing because I get to wake up like this with you and I finally feel at peace. I don't feel like something is wrong for once in my life. I feel like everything is right where it needs to be" she smiles.

I press my lips to hers and I feel her nails dig into my skin as I pull her closer. I'm sure she could feel my heart beating against my chest as her hand rests there.

"I'm so glad you were able to over come everything so you could end up here with me" I whisper on her lips.

"I would go through anything to be with you" she claims.

"Anything" I ask.

"Anything" she assures me.

After laying there a little while longer she had to go let Bailey out and she wanted to go for a run so I let her go. I had my own things to take care of but I decided they could wait until she had to go to get started.

Once she was gone I decide to shower and do a few work outs. Coach Q isn't a fan of practices and holds optional ones. If I need to work I go in but too much of a good thing isn't a good thing. It's easy to work too hard and the one thing you're trying to avoid becomes inevitable. So I work in a way that I feel like I'm doing something but not too much.

So I hit the gym in the UC and do a few workouts to clear my mind. As the sweat drips off of me I try to catch my breath so I close my eyes. I see Rachel's face and it made my heart pound even harder. I smile to myself as I can still feel her hand over my heart. Like she was still here with me. I wished like hell she was, but she said it best. You don't over come things by staying in one moment too long. No matter how great it feels. We have to over come and move forward. But that's only because she going to be in the future to to make new moments. And only then will I be abel to smile again.