I'm Still Standing

50

Rachel

After spending a bunch of time in Canada learning how Jonny grew up and being able to emerge myself in their culture it was back to Sweet home Chicago. It's July now and it feels like this summer was flying by. My birthday is this month and we were hoping to get the restaurant open. Jeremy and Tracy has been working in the restaurant when I was away so we were closer to opening the doors than we were when I left.

And there is one thing I missed more than anything, and that would be my fur babies. I thought all the traveling would be too stressful for them but it became too stressful for me without them. I was so excited to see my babies that I brought them to a walk through of the restaurant with me.

"Really" Jon asks as Tommy pulls him behind him. Bailey sits next to me like the properly trained and good girl she is. "You just had to bring the dogs" he shuns.

"Yes... I did" I defend. "I missed them and let's be honest. When you're gone forever and I stay here, in order to not miss you so much they will be keeping me company."

"You can't replace me with dogs" he scoffs.

"I can try" I tease making him roll his eyes.

"Great. I'm in love with a dog horder" he mumbles.

"We only have two dogs" I defend.

"Right. Remember that when your birthday comes around" he claims.

"I'm getting a puppy" I squeal as I jump up. Bailey notices my excitement and joins me in my celebrating.

"I'm not so sure anymore" he teases.

"Oh come on! I'm a great dog mom and I would love the doggy so much" I beg.

"You know my apartment only allows one pet, right" he asks.

"Then let's find a house" I shrug.

He stops fighting the dog as he stands up from trying to get him to calm down. He turns to me as he stand frozen in my spot. I start to back track a little once I realized that I just suggested we move into a house together. "That's not what I meant" I try.

"Then what do you mean" he wonders.

"Nothing. I was just talking" I insist.

"Talking about what though? I know you Rach, you don't just say things you don't mean" he tries.

"I know I was just word vomiting though. I wasn't thinking" I defend.

"Then think about it" he says.

I stop as he steps closer to me. He grabs my hands even though I still had a grip on Baileys leash. But she was clam and letting me have a panic attack in peace.

"I don't know what to say" I whisper.

"Do you want to find a place of our own" he wonders.

"I don't know? We're so young, I'm not even 21 yet. You are a bachelor in one of the greatest cities in the world. You can buy as many cars as you want, you can travel and spend your money on anything you want" I insist.

"And can you tell me a better way to spend my money than on a future with you" he asks me.

"Another dog" I smirk as he laughs loudly.

"That would be a part of it" he claims. "But I'm being serious, Rach. If you want to find a place of our own then what's stopping us" he wonders.

"I don't want to find a place with you... then you leave me" I say softly.

"No baby" he begs, "you can't think like that."

"My father bought a place for my mother and I to live in so he could be there for us. He said that he got us that place for him to be able to help us and to be a family.

And so we built a home and we made it a place where he is loved, and it wasn't enough. No matter what we put in there, no matter who we had over it wasn't enough. We weren't enough to have him stay.

I don't want to make another home and not be enough keep you around. Moving in was different, that's your place and if something happens you won't leave. But if we make a place of our own..." I trail off.

"You think I would leave a home we created" he asks. I can tell in his eyes he was hurt by this and I didn't mean it like this. I was just, I was scared. So scared.

"You said it yourself, when you first brought me over. You weren't interested in decorating your place because no matter what you did it wouldn't make it a home" I remind him.

"Because the things I put on those walls wont make it a home, I knew that. You are what makes it home. You are what I needed for a place to feel like I never wanted to leave again. And you make me feel like that and so much more.

If you need to hear it then I'll say it. I want to move into a house with you. A place we can have 20 dogs and when we're ready a bunch of kids. Somewhere where the walls are covered in shadow boxes filled with memories. Memories I have because I'm with you and only you" he claims.

"I'm scared" I whisper.

"I know you are baby. But you can't let the things in the past prevent you from getting what you deserve now or in the future. I'm not your dad, I'm sorry, but your dad sucks. What he did is something I am not capable of doing. I want to build a life with you, do you hear me" he asks.

I silently nod my head as he cups my cheeks. He pulls me into a soft kiss as I drop the leash. "I hear you" I promise.

"So how many bedrooms are we talking" he asks and I giggle.

"Is a room for each dog asking for too much" I tease as he laughs.

"Yes, yes it is" he claims.

"Alright. Then four bedrooms should be enough for now" I insist.

"And what else does our future home need" He wonders.

"A place for us to run. And not to run away from the past but into the future" I explain.

"I like that" he smiles.

"And I like you" I tease as I tap his nose.

"So if I found us a place, would you move with me" I ask.

"Of course Jonny. I might be scared to move but I'm more afraid of losing you" I assure him.

"I promise you Rachel Roenick, I'm never going to leave you" he claims.

"I'll remember that" I wink.