#SOTUS Continued: Book One A PremWad Tale

I Am Not Fine

Kammon's POV

"See you tomorrow, Ai'Kammon," Nine says as he puts his things in his bag. "By the way, when did you start hanging out with Engineering students?"

"My cousin is in that faculty," I answer, zipping up my backpack, "I met them through her. Why?"

"Nothing," Nine smiles, "I just heard they were crazy, is all."

"They are different, that is for sure," I agree. "I have to go. See you for the next lab."

"OK," Nine nods.

I walk out of the lab wondering why I didn't tell Nine I was dating P'Bright. Nine knows I like guys. Maybe I was just put off by the sudden inquiry. I hadn't realized my classmates knew who I was hanging out with lately. Thinking of lunch the other day, I smile.

Being kidnapped by Maprang's friends was uncomfortable at first, but it did give me a chance to get to know them. And I can't remember the last time I ran through the streets and campus laughing with friends in a mad dash to make it back to class. Maybe they are not so bad, after all.

Talking with those guys, though, had brought up memories I didn't want to surface. They know everything, and yet they didn't offer me pity, and neither were they repulsed.

Maprang always talked to me about what she was learning during SOTUS, and I brushed it off as some weird indoctrination and senior bullying. But when I am with that group, it doesn't feel like that at all, more like an extended family. The seniors are the big brothers, and the nongs the little ones. Just like in a family, they stand up for each other.

P'Bright and his friends took it upon themselves to expose what was happening in my old faculty because when they were trying to protect one of their own when they found out, others were being hurt. He and his friends could have ignored everyone outside their faculty and just focused on taking care of Wad, but they chose not to. Why? Even P'Bright's nongs care about people they don't even know or just met.

I think back to the conversation I had with Maprang's friends at lunch.

"You need to talk to P'Bright. From experience, it is harder for them. Right now, we can only assume what happened to you, and honestly, we don't need the details, but P'Bright deserves them. Believe in him and us. They didn't walk away from me. We won't walk away from you. Trust us. We do the friends thing really well."

Tell P'Bright the details. How do I do that?

"A word at a time."

Could I really tell him? My family doesn't even know what happened to me. I never found the courage. Every time I tried, I was afraid that I would see disgust and shame in their eyes, so I never did. When Maprang confronted me, I wanted to deny it, but she wouldn't let me. Now her friends are urging me to talk to P'Bright even though he hasn't asked directly. The night in the meeting hall, he just told me what he knew and left the rest up to me.

I am so lost, and I have been since that day. I have lost count of the times I have told people I am fine. Fine is the farthest thing I am. I have plastered on this smile for so long I don't even realize I am doing it. I am not fine. Not by a longshot.

Looking up, I gasp to see where I am standing. Why am I here? Of all places on the campus, this is the last place I ever wanted to revisit. I look at the closed doors and empty windows. It really is something out of a horror show. I wonder why it hasn't been demolished yet.

I walk up the steps and tug on the door. When it opens, my heart starts to beat like a frightened rabbit. I look around and don't see anyone. Ducking under the chain that is supposed to hold the door shut, I go in. The logical part of my brain is screaming at me, and the urge to run out of the building is as strong as it was that night.