Reminiscence

Chapter .9.

I cup my hands around Zeke's face and press my lips to his.
Everything zoned out. I was angry, I was so so desperate with agony that I didn't even think about how Zeke would react. This was our first date after all and I did it so unexpectedly that it was suspicious.

But what made me feel horrible was the fact that I was using him. Zeke was a good guy, I would never want to hurt him but at this moment all that mattered was my pain.
I'm selfish.

Zeke's body stiffened and he didn't react to the kiss but gently pushed me away, almost like I was a glass vase he didn't want to crack. Honestly, I felt like one.

He looked at my flushed face and watery eyes and he looked at me questioningly.
I turn around to spot Aiden but he isn't there. He left. He's getting better at that might as well make it a hobby, bitch.

Zeke's voice snaps me from my daze. "I don't know why you did that Renesse, but I'm pretty sure you weren't feeling it judging from the tears in your eyes. It's either some weird drug in the icecream or it has something to do with the dude who was standing there a minute ago. Care to explain? Is he your ex or something?" Zeke's eyes scan my face as he speaks.

He knows. He knows I've used him.
My mind raced to find a reasonable answer to his question. Maybe I should just admit that my icecream was drugged, it seemed like a good option. But the look in his eyes says that he wanted the truth or he wouldn't have it. Besides, he's smart enough to figure out that I've been using him so any lie I blurt out won't do any good.

I take a deep breath. "Zeke, I'm sorry about what I did. It was unexpected and messy and as far as a first date kiss goes, cringy as hell. You weren't ready for it and to be honest neither was I. I'll tell you the reason for what I did but you'll have to promise to not judge me alright?" My eyes plead with him to agree.

Zeke looks at me with an emotion in his eyes that I can't seem to deduce. Then he nods slowly and leads me to a park bench where we sit down. I prepare myself to expose my past, all the pain and the skeletons in my closet to a complete and utter stranger, who, by the looks of it, is trying to keep his face unemotional.
"You don't have to, you know. We can end it here if you're not comfortable with sharing something that personal even though.... I'm starting to like you. I understand, you've just met me and it's hard to reveal everything but I promise, if you choose to, I won't judge." He says, sensing my hesitation.

I take a deep breath and part my lips to let the ocean of pain flood through.