#SOTUS Continued: Book One A PremWad Tale

What My Heart Wants

I pause for a second, "Just eat."

We finish our meal in silence. Instead of hailing a cab, I look over at the Rama VIII bridge and decide to walk it. Not ready to let Kongpop go. I know I am selfish, but I just want to be with him. He follows quietly behind me as we watch the cars passing by and the boats on the water.

Knowing what I want and saying it out are always a tough thing for me. I am indecision and inaction. I don't take leaps. I don't rush wildly in. But right this second, my heart is racing faster than the cars whizzing by on the bridge. What I am about to do is the most non-Arthit thing I have ever done in my life.

I stop halfway down the bridge to lean against the railing. Kongpop stops and joins me. Both of us are watching the view and not speaking. We are paused at this crossroads.

"Are you tired?" I question and turn my head to look at him to gauge his response.

"No," Kongpop says, sounding unsure of this conversation.

"You are sure you are not tired? You do not know where I will go or when I will stop," I ask again.

Kongpop turns and looks at me. He is beginning to understand that my question was just not a simple one, but my words have more meaning, and once again, his eyes show his emotion where his face does not. I see hope.

"I don't know the future. I don't know how far we can walk, but I do know I want to walk beside you, P'Arthit," Kongpop declares.

The hope I see in his eyes is so pure; that look gives me strength, the strength to leap and to grab onto what my heart wants.

"You know," I start watching my words sink in. "I am a man, and you are a man."

"Yes," Kongpop acknowledges, and his shoulders slump a little.

"You know I am your senior, and you are my junior." I continue.

"Yes," He replies, looking down as I fight to hide a smile.

"You know I like to drink pink milk," I add. I am watching as Kongpop's head snaps up to look at me.

"You know I can be extremely stupid and selfish at times," I continue to list my faults as he looks on incredulously. A smile is beginning to grace his face. I love that smile.

"I get annoyed easily. I am hard-headed and love to sleep. Knowing all this... can you accept me?" I let the question dangle, and I feel like I am free falling.

I don't know if I am trying to scare him off or assure myself that he shouldn't love me. But the look on his face shows me that I have not dissuaded him even a bit for all I had said. The happiness on his face makes my heart race.

"I can accept you," he smiles. "Can you accept me, P'Arthit?"

Can I accept him? That is why I am here. But now I realize something vital. Having told him about myself, I find that I don't know him. Well, that can be solved.

"I still do not know you well," I tell him and see uncertainty flash through Kongpop's eyes. "But I want to know you more."

I grab his tie in the heat of my confession and pull him towards me to kiss him.

After a moment, I pull back, "That is your answer."

What the hell, Arthit!?! You just kissed him! That was your first kiss! I can feel the blush spreading over my face and neck. I quickly turn and begin walking down the bridge.

I must have stunned Kongpop with my actions because I had gotten a few steps away before he called out.

"P'Arthit, wait a minute! I didn't hear your answer clearly. Can I have another one?" He laughs as he catches up with me.

"No!" Wishing the earth could just swallow me up now. This is a good thing. Us.

Kongpop and I walking side by side is...just...perfect.

Kongpop's POV

As I lie on my bed, I smile, thinking of tonight's events. This evening turned out so differently from what I had expected. I went to the wedding with nothing but dread. Seeing the one person you want most by your side and not being able to be with them is pure torture.

Remembering when he had asked me to eat with him, I followed even though I knew I shouldn't. I just wanted to be near him, whether it killed me or not. I just need him.

He shared his meatballs with me. His kindness was like a knife in my heart, but he just told me to eat when I questioned him.

When he began walking the bridge, I still followed him. I truly believed I am a masochist. My brain kept screaming at me to go, but my feet and, most importantly, my heart wanted to follow him.

When he stopped on the bridge, I knew what was coming. He was finally going to tell me that this would never work. That he could never like me and I should stop. I braced myself.

When he started talking, I was confused, but then I understood he asked more than he said. I dared to begin to hope. What happened next still makes my heart flutter.

"Can you accept me?" I watched as he had said those words. The coming realization that I wanted most was being given to me.

"I can accept you. Can you accept me, P'Arthit?" I ask.

My heart dropped when he said he doesn't know me well, but my heart swelled when he said he wants to know me better. P'Arthit, you are going to give me a heart attack.

When he grabbed my tie and pulled me in for a kiss, short-circuiting my brain, P'Arthit had kissed me then cheekily said, "That is your answer." before making a beeline off the bridge.

Honestly, it took me a bit before I could think straight and catch up to him. I know I was shameless when I asked him to repeat his answer, but I have always been shameless when it comes to him.

I turn and look over at his room. Just this afternoon, it had been painful to do, but now... now it makes me smile knowing that he is there and he accepted me. I told him I don't know the future and I really don't, but what I do know is that for now, what my heart wants is to be with and walk with him.

"Goodnight, P'Arthit."

I am excited about tomorrow for the first time in a long time.

1795 3-22-19