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(13) 

18th March 2014 

My father was once again, back standing on my door step. I'm quite shocked that he was back so soon but not as shocked as I was when he turned up at the house yesterday. 

I don't think he gets the idea of 'needing time'. I don't remember much about my father because I was only five years old when I last saw him. For all I know, he could be some murderer pretending to be my father.  

I also need space to be able to think about this but it would also help to get some answers to my questions before getting my space. At least when I get the answers, I can think about what I am going to do. 

"Uh, Ryan, what are you doing back here?" I nervously asked. In my attempt to sound strong, I failed miserably. 

"Like I said, I want to get to know my daughter," he repeated. 

"After twelve years?" I couldn't help but say, but I instantly regretted it. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that. It kind of just came out." 

"It's alright but you are correct. I just want a chance to explain myself. Please?" he pleaded. 

"Okay, come in." I opened the door wider so he could step in. As soon as he stepped in, he was awe struck at the inside of the house. He stood in the foyer with his eyes wide and mouth open. 

"Wow, your mother and you have done well." 

I froze at his words and realised that he didn't know. He wouldn't know, why would he know? Before I could correct him, he was already walking away to the living room. 

I turned back to Noah and he gave me a sympathetic smile. He placed his hand in mine. "We're going to get through this together." 

I couldn't help but lean in to him for support. "Thank you." 

Noah and I made our way towards the living room, hand in hand. When we arrived, my father was sitting on the couch with his hands placed gently on his lap. Noah and I sat on the couch opposite to him. 

"Firstly, I just wanted to apologise for everything that has happened. For everything that I did and I'm sorry for any grief and sadness I caused your mother and you." I could see that he was genuinely sorry but I'm not just going to forgive him just like that. 

"Thank you for apologising." I tried to continue speaking but I couldn't think of what to say. It was quite awkward in this silence. 

"Would you like to ask any questions? It is up to you what you want to know?" Ryan suggested. 

"Sure. Uh, one question that has been on my mind since you left us was why you left in the first place?"

"I knew that would come up and you deserve to know. When I met your mother, it was love at first sight. I'm sure that she has told you the story of how we met." I nodded, confirming that I had. "We started going on dates and then about four weeks after we met, she fell pregnant." 

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