Truth or Dare?

Suck it up

After spending the last two weeks at my parents home, I had started to follow a routine. It might not be a healthy one, but it was a routine. Get up, watch tv, play on my phone and sleep, with crying and feeling sorry for myself in between.

Waking to the sound of my phone screaming it's alarm, I slammed my hand on the snooze and curled back up to enjoy ten more minutes of warmth. My father was not one to waste money on heating bills and would rather we wore layers around the house than pay the money for 'unnecessary heating'. Snaking my arms back through my pillows, I hugged them close to my face let the tears begin for the day.

As I heaved in a ragged breath, I heard a slight tap on the door and the squeak of the hinges. I pushed my head further into my pillow to hide my puffy, red eyes and tear stained cheeks. I was not a pretty crier and I never will be.

"I've let you get it out of your system now for two weeks and that's all I'm willing to give." My mum shouted while sitting on the edge of my bed.
"Excuse me?" I whispered. Still not wanted to look at her.
"You heard me! Get up, get dressed. You start teaching in four weeks and you're not starting in the state you're in! Get your life together and start living it." I turned my head and stared at the woman. Who was she and why was she acting like this? Where was my kind, loving mother who understood I was heartbroken?

Sure I was lucky enough to have landed a job in a school only half an hours drive from here before moving out of university but it was the last thing I was thinking about now. Yes, it was a great school and yes I understood how hard it was to get a job as a teacher these days but I had other priorities at the moment and that was to be angry at the world!

"Look sweetie, I know I'm being hard on you but I've tried to be patient and kind and it's clearly not working. I've never seen you like this and I understand you want to be alone to cry and do whatever it is you've been doing in here for a fortnight but I can't sit back and watch it anymore and neither can you're friends. I swear to God if I get one more text or phone call from those girls, I'm blocking them!" She clearly had wanted to say this for a while. I'm not even sure I picked up some of what she said, but I got the gist.

Looking at my phone I could see the multitude of missed calls and texts from my three best friends. They had stopped by to visit over the last two weeks but I was in no state to talk to them and refused to even open my door.
"I'm sorry I've put this on you mum. I'll message them back and try to leave my room today. I promise." She didn't look convinced but swatted my ass instead and said I had an hour to leave the room or she was dragging me out. I had to admit, I laughed a little at the thought of her trying to drag me. I knew she would keep her word, but I still would find the situation funny.

When my door closed behind her I threw my head back into my pillows just before my alarm decided to team up with my mother and scream at me again to get up. Glaring at the screen, I was about to fling it across the room when I noticed the texts and calls again. I honestly did feel bad. I know they all really cared about me but I just wanted to be left alone to rot in my own self pity.

Just as I went to put my phone back down a message popped up on the group chat with the girls.

Becca:
What's the plan of action for tonight? We haven't been out just us girls in about a month! Come on, let's do something just girls. No men allowed!

I laughed at the screen and then stilled. Wait. Did I just laugh? Was that the second time today I had laughed? Maybe mum was right. Maybe I do need to start getting my life back together. If I'm shocked I can laugh then I am definitely not living life the way it's meant to be lived!

Why was I letting him ruin it? I bet Jackson hadn't even given me a second thought. Yeah he had texted and phoned me for about four days after I moved out of halls, but that was it. I refused his calls and that was the end of him. He's not bothered since and I bet he's out living life to it's fullest while I sulk and mope around in my bedroom thinking the world owes me.

I typed as quickly as possible and pressed send before my brain fully registered what my hands were doing.
Me:
I'm in!

Lauren:
What?! Oh my God! Fliss you're alive?

Me:
Ha ha! Yes I'm alive. I'm sorry guys, it's been a pathetic couple of weeks but I've realised that now. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pushed you all away. It's just...you guys have known me as Fliss and Jackson for so long I guess I can't remember how to just be Fliss.

Alice:
Felicity Jane Young. We knew you years before you and Jackson even existed and we loved you then as well as when that dickhead came into things. You are a twenty-one year old beautiful woman who can do so much better than that idiot who thinks playing the field is better than what you guys had.

Becca:
You need to listen Fliss. We are here for you always but you are worth so much more than what he gave you.

Are you really going to come out tonight with us? Like old times? Just the four of us?

I stared at my phone. Were they right? Was it time to show the world I am able to be me, just me? Oh god, why do I feel like such a wreck?

Lauren:
I know you're sitting there questioning yourself. Just suck it up and come. We'll have fun and you'll feel so much better.

Alice:
I'll even buy your first three drinks? ;-)

That I had to laugh at. Like she ever bought anyone drinks. Maybe one or two wouldn't hurt right?

Me:
Fine. But only for an hour or two and then I'll get my dad to take me home. What time and where?

Lauren:
Yesss!! Tonight we paint the town green!

Becca:
I don't think that's the phrase Lauren.

Lauren:
It is when you want to get drunk!

I rolled my eyes and sat on floor in front of my floor length mirror. What the hell was I supposed to do with my eyes and the matted mess that was my hair. I can't go out looking like this. Not if I don't want to be the centre of attention for all the wrong reasons.

Alice:
8pm. Bar 74 in town. We will get a taxi from yours Fliss. Everyone meet at 7:40pm ready for the taxi at Fliss's house.

I knew the only reason she wanted to meet at mine was to ogle my brother but I didn't care. Secretly I always thought they would get together but he always said he wouldn't want to ruin my friendship with her if things didn't work out. I never thought it wouldn't work but then I thought I would be with Jackson forever and look where that got me. Jackson... great now he's back on my mind.

Becca:
Great. See you then ladies. And Fliss?

Me:
Yeah?

Becca:
Stop thinking of him and get your ass in the bath with cucumbers on those eyes. Relax and remember that life can only get better.

Me:
Thank you. I really do appreciate all that your doing for me. I love you ladies!

Without waiting for their reply I lock my phone and head to kitchen for the first time in two weeks. When I realised I hadn't actually left my room except for the bathroom, it hit me hard how bad things were. Suck it up Fliss! You are worth so much more.