Pain Infliction

Experimental 🐵

|| 11 ||

I'm suppose to be Dauntless: the people in the front lines of all wars, disturbances. The wild bunch with no boundaries whatsoever.

To my mental state and my emotional awareness, this should be a mere baby cut. I shouldn't be scared of who is out there and I shouldn't be sad about this!

"Can you do any kind of surgeries?" Eric asked, glaring at the doctor like he had done this and refused to 'cure' me, "Anything?"

What is that suppose to even mean? An insult that I'm completely broken and need fixing? Am I truly that hideous for him to look at me for a second before thinking about ways to fix this mistake?

Again, I slipped my hand from his grasp to place it comfortably on the warm bed. I rested my head against the awaiting pillow, closing my eye.

When I done this, I wanted to shut down completely. I wanted to forget that this is my new reality. That he is now my new Eric. Eric will never love me in this chapter of my life.

He couldn't love me when I was beautiful and so naive, so how could he love me now that I was a monstrous dumbass?

"(Y/N)?"

Eric finally noticed a change in atmosphere, a change in my proximity to him. I could tell by the sound of his voice, he was looking directly at me. With what expression, I do not know.

Nor do I want to right now.

"What's wrong with her?"

I'm depressed. I'm ugly. I'm ready for it to end.

"I don't know."

How could you know something you'll never understand?

"What do you mean you 'don't know'? You're a goddamn doctor!"

Not many Dauntless go to the doctor, so I doubt he had much experience. Maybe book knowledge, but not experience.

"Sir, calm down. She's probably went into shock." The nurse interrupted the men's conversation, sounding like she has gotten closer to my bed.

I bet she's beautiful. Suddenly, the warmth of anger disappeared from my side to replace with the cold air of the infirmary.

I felt guilt. I feel like it's my own fault I ended up this way.

• Two weeks later; eight weeks in total •

"(L/N), how are you feeling?" Max's, head of Dauntless counsel, suddenly broke through my thoughts like a train wreck.

Since my time in this facility became more common than on the fields, Max has taken a great interest in me. Whether that was good or bad is beyond me.

I cracked my simple eye open to glare at his usual, grand entrance. I wanted more rest since sleep had been uncommon with these migraines knocking on my skull at night.

Funny how I use to greet him with a smile when we passed each other in the hallways, but not anymore. This whole ordeal has changed me into the monster they all think I look like.

I was done being the only good girl in Dauntless; it was time for someone else to take the spotlight in that department. I wasn't even suppose to be good in the first place.

I live in the faction where being good is a weakness, being sad is non-existent when you live with no rules, and the only thing you should fear is absolutely nothing.

How I made it in this life before Leo's assault is complete luck; I was so careless and thoughtless.

His dark skin wrinkled with the smirk he exchanged with me, almost as if he was proud of the change, "I see you're doing well. Doc told you've been practicing your speech."

"What can you say now?" Jean, a new lady that came in a week or two ago, interrupted the conversation as she stuck her neck out.

After the second bandage removal, Jean had came with Eric and Max. I didn't pay them much attention, because I could actually feel the pain on my right.

When I notified the medics, though, we ran tests and they figured it was only a mental pain I was feeling. It's funny, I believed so hard I could feel pain, I actually thought I was.

The thing that stuck out most about Jean was the fact she stayed literally right beside Eric. No one else when he walked into the room amounted to him.

Max's laugh was rare, but when he did, it always rung throughout the room, like right now, "Yeah, what are those to words?"

"Fuck.." I muttered out the first word, not even recognizing the scratch of a voice before taking another deep breath, "..you."

Those words were for the doctor's that spoke about me like I wasn't in the same exact room. I'm wounded, not unconscious. I'm verbal, not a mute.

Jean looked shocked at the form of the inappropriate sentence that I choose to learn during my time in the ward, or the fact that I could even speak since the doctor's diagnosed me to be a mute for the rest of my life.

Miracles happen and I'm documented proof. Suddenly, the bright blue hues of her eyes stood out from the blonde in her hair as they peered down at me like I was her personal experimental monkey and I finally succeeded in one of her games.

After a good chuckle from my leader, the door swung wide open in an aggressive manner. I would bet two of my vacation weeks that it was Eric.

He must have not been having a good day with the initiatives that were just about to graduate this level.

Perfect; by all means, bring all that negative energy in a place that is home to no positives.

|| Worlds apart but I still think of you ||