New perspective (#1)

Chapter 21

Ryan's POV
What was I doing? Was I actually starting to like Brendon? Like, B-R-E-N-D-O-N?!

Yes? No? Maybe? Yes?

I fucking like Brendon fucking Urie.

I slammed the palm of my hand against the pillow, rather wanting to slam it against the wall but it'd make too much noise.

I can't like anyone. If I get too attached to him he'll just leave like everyone else, so I have to leave him first. It's for my own safety. Otherwise I'll just end up getting hurt. I'm sure he doesn't even care and has already forgotten about me.

And even if he hasn't, I can't go back. He's not good for me. Humans suck and he's a human being. I hate people and people hate me. That's just how it goes and I'm fine with it. I don't care. I never did, so why start now?

Don't think about Brendon. Don't think about Brendon. Don't think about Brendon.

I repeated those thoughts over and over in my head.

Then it hit me, thinking like that is actually thinking about him. Stupid me. I growled in anger. He was destroying me. I was doing just fine before he sassed into my life and ruined everything.

",a guy isn't beautiful. And I wanna change that." Pete nodded proudly as he entered my dorm, hand in hand with Patrick. I rolled my eyes at them. They really think that their friendship is gonna last? Especially if they hold hands?

"Close the goddamn door." I groaned and pulled my cover up to my nose.

"Yeah, sorry." Patrick mumbled and closed it, laying down on his bed with Pete. Within seconds they were both asleep, spooning. They didn't even bother changing clothes.

I chuckled at how little the teachers knew, they have no clue that almost every day I break rules like many others.

And Oh god tomorrow was gonna be hell. We'd all been drinking too much. But why does it matter? We're all gonna die in the end after all.

Too deep? Sorry.

I slowly drifted into a light sleep on top of the soft matress. I was gonna start over. No Brendon anymore. Just me, myself and I. Perfect.

Yet my stomach twisted in this weird way. Maybe it wasn't perfect after all. I didn't bother thinking about it any further though.

"We're coming for you, George." A sharp voice whispered and laughed this evil laughter. It freaked me out. I was hiding behind the kitchen door, trying to silence my sobs and take regular deep but quiet breaths to stop the numbing feeling in my aching body.

The demons were after me, trying to hunt me down. They'd found my location, my house. If they find my body I'm doomed, they'll torture me and eventually I'd become one of them.

I looked to my side and there I saw the last thing I wanted to see, the thing I feared the most. The figure wore a dark hood and the smile of the devil. Its eyes were bright red, scarring through my body. I froze as they reached their bony hand out to grab my shoulder.

"Please, don't." I cried. Before I knew it I was bleeding everywhere and the house was being filled with my blood. It was becoming a pool of red, thick liquid belonging to me. I couldn't move. The demon had its hands tightly wrapped around my neck. As the blood reached my nose I couldn't breathe anymore. I was choking, trying my best to move but I couldn't. I was desperate to fill my lungs with fresh air.

That's when my vision got blurry and I blacked ou-

"Brendon, help!" I screamed. I hurriedly sat up on my bed and tried to take deep breaths. It felt impossible. My sheet was soaking wet in sweat and tears. It was like I was reliving it all again. I was choking. Tears were streaming down my face, all I wanted was air. I wanted to be able to breathe. I couldn't. Black dots appeared in my vision and it all was fading away. Everything was spinning, so I shut my eyes right after I saw a silhoutte rushing in front of me. I didn't bother to care though. I felt too nauseous.

"Ryan! Breathe, calm down!" A voice far away said as someone shook my body back and forth. It was like everything was in slow motion.

"Ryan!" It cried. I opened my eyes and saw a blurry guy in front of me. It was Brendon.

"Ryan, breathe with me." Brendon said, trying to gather himself and stay calm. Him saying my name over and over was to be honest pretty terrifying. He inhaled slowly and exhaled the same way, motioning for me to repeat his moves. He followed his finger along with my breaths. Whenever I inhaled he gently dragged it across my chest to my lungs, while whenever I exhaled he dragged it to my nose and poked it playfully in a comforting way. I melted into his touch.

My vision was getting better and my body was refilling with oxygen. I was able to breathe. I took an unsteady breath and smiled lightly.

"It's okay. You're okay." Brendon smiled in tears and stroked my hair, now embracing me into a bone crushing hug.
"Did you have a nightmare?" He asked quietly against the top of my head, kissing it carefully like I was as fragile as glass.

"Yeah. When I was little my dad would always tell me stories about how demons would hunt me down and since then I've had the same nightmares over and over." I rambled, not sure why I opened up to him that easily. It all started when my mum passed away and my dad started drinking.

"It's okay. You're safe. It's just a bad dream, okay?" He said reassuringly. I nodded hesitantly. I knew he was right though.

"How did you even know-" I started, not finishing my sentance because honestly, I didn't know how.

"I sat in the hallway for hours, watching the stars and the moon. Then I heard you calling my name, shouting for help, so I rushed over to your room." He chuckled lightly. Apparently he knew what I wanted to ask.

"Thank you." I whispered and let my tears soak into Brendon's shirt.

"Ryan, you okay?" Spencer whispered worriedly from across the room.

"Yeah, I'm okay babygirl." I smiled. Brendon had apparently turned the lights on so I could see Spencer's concerned expression. I didn't want him to worry.
"Everything's gonna be okay." I added, nodding. He relaxed a bit more now.

"You're right. I'm sorry for not being with you any earlier, I was in this heavy sleep and when you shouted Brendon's name I was gonna see what happened but Brendon was already there and I didn't wanna interrupt you guys." Spencer babbled as he got out of bed and made his way over to us, wrapping his arms around both of us. I was embarrassed for calling Brendon's name. I mean, sure, I felt safe around him.

But screaming his name in the middle of the night? That's just creepy.

"Hey, it's okay, Spence. Don't worry about it. I love you, man." I said reassuringly, wrapping my arm around his back and my other arm around Brendon's waist.

"Gay." Pete laughed, obviously still drunk. He'd been watching us for awhile now and instead of making sure I was okay he says that we look gay together. I shook my head in disbelief. Drunk Pete was unbelievable. I loved that though. I didn't need more people feeling pity for me.

"Oh, shut up. Says the one rambling about how makeup makes guys look beautiful." Brendon hissed playfully. Spencer pulled away and got back in bed, immediately falling back to sleep after mumbling a "I love you too" and turning the lights off.

"Oh, you heard that too?" I laughed. He nodded with the biggest grin on his face. He was still holding me, but time we were laying down. I rested my head on his chest and listened to his heart beats. It was calming. I didn't even need to ask Brendon if he could stay the night. He already knew that'd make me feel safer and a lot better. So he stayed, without another word said. It wasn't an awkward silence now. It was comfortable.

Maybe I actually do need Brendon. He takes care of me. He makes me happy. He makes me feel safe. He understands me.

He's different.

And maybe that's why he won't leave like everyone else.

-

Mkay I'm gonna go to sleep now. Gnight y'all. Have a good day or night.

I love you!