My Crazy Life

chapter 22

"Ali, wake up. " I heard. I opened my eyes and seen Monica awake in her bed. I looked to my right and seen Blake asleep.
"What's wrong? "
"I'm thirsty. "
"I'll get you some water then I will get the doctor. " She nodded. I left the room to get a cup. When I reached the stand I seen Zack in the waiting room.
"I'm sorry. About what I said yesterday. I was angry but I wasnt angry at you. I was angry at myself because I wasn't a good sister to her. I didn't realize how bad I was until I nearly lost her. "I said looking at the floor. He looked tired. His eyes were bloodshot.
" You don't have to apologize because you were right. I was never around to even see her grow up. That's my mistake. Now it's too late. "
"It's too late but maybe she could forgive you like I did with my dad. I resented him at first for leaving but I got over it and found out it was easier to let him in than push him away. "
"That's good but I don't think she will. I have to go to work. Will you tell her I was here? "
"Yes I will. " We got up and I walked back to Monica's room.
"What took you so long? " She said when I walked in.
"Well my dear sister I was talking to your dad. "
"Is he here? "
"He was but he left. He was here last night too but I yelled at him then had a panic attack. "
"Since when do you have panic attacks? "
"Since I thought I was going to loose my baby sister. " I handed her the cup of water when I filled it up.
"Thanks."
"Mhmm. I gunna go find a doctor. "I walked out to the desk.
" Is there a doctor that I could speak to about my sister? "
"What's her name and room number? "
"Monica Gonzales room 198."she typed it into the computer then picked up a clipboard.
" You would have to speak to Dr. Rosalie. "She picked up the phone..
" I need you in room 198.monica Gonzales. "She put it down.
" She should be in there I a few minutes. "She said.
" Thanks. "I walked back to see a doctor pick up the Clippard outside of her room and look at it.
" Dr. Rosalie. "
"Hello.are you Monica mother? "
"No I'm her sister, Alejandra. My mother is at home sleeping. "
"Well Monica has a sprained wrist and a fractured hand. She did well I the surgery. We need to keep her a couple of days to see how she recovers. In all honesty, I don't know how she survived this accident let alone the surgery. She was in critical condition we didn't think she was going to make out of the operating room. Her heart stopped twice. That crash was pretty severe. With the way the car was hit she should've been dead on the spot. The two others that came in with her only needed a few stitches. They were lucky. Your sister is strong. She wasn't ready to let go. She may have a slight fear of vehicles now. She will have PTSD. But we can give you a list of therapists around the area to help her with that. Do you have any questions or concerns? "
"I do have a question but it's not about Monica. "
"What is it? "
"What causes panic attacks? "
"Most often if someone had a past of something that had happened to them, it could turn into a fear, and the fear of it happening again leads to a panic attack. So most often it's a fear that brings on a panic attack. "
"What do you mean something happened to them. "
"Like if someone got raped or kidnapped. The fear of it happening again can cause one. "
"How do you know that your having one? "
"Shortness of breath, nausa, dizziness, a choking sensation, sweating, trembling, and chest pains. Most of the time a flushing feeling that danger is nearby even something as little as a racing heart rate. Some people feel like they are having a heart attack when in reality it's a panic attack. Is there a reason for asking about this?"
"I have had two this past month. The first one I had, I don't know what triggered it. And I had one last night. I know the fear of losing Monica is what caused it but the first one I'm not so sure. "
"What happened that first night? "
"The night before was my older cousins birthday party. I was drinking that night. The next morning I woke up and had a hangover. I was just about to eat and take asperin when someone came to the door. I later found out it was my father who I haven't seen for 14 years. My boyfriend and mom came to the door and I was talking and saying dome things when I started to shake. I was angry, so angry that I was trembling. Then I couldn't breathe. Next thing I know ow I wake up in the ER. The doctor told me it was from the lack if nutrition. I wasn't eating but I was to distracted to notice. But it doesn't sound right. How was the panic attack triggered? "
"You weren't having a panic attack and it wasn't from the lack of nutrition. Adrenal and cortisol production rocket during anger.
Anger burns up energy so these chemicals are designed to give you what you are burning up.
When they get to high levels, they will cause you to shake, but this is also a warning sign that you are going into overdrive. Your adrenals may be producing what you need, but they will be doing this under duress. You need to take this seriously.
Your body is not designed to do this on a regular basis. It is an emergency mechanism only and if you are becoming angry on a regular basis, you will be exhausting these organs. You only have two; they can't be transplanted as far as I know because I am not that kind of doctor, and if they fail, you will die. Simple as that.
You need to de-stress - and learn to do this properly and regularly before it gets that far. Adrenal suppression - or failing adrenals - is no joke. If you feel fatigued after such an outburst, later in the day for instance, this is a sign that your body is not handling this well.
Weird headrushes, dizzy spells, feeling burned out, poor sleeping patterns or no sleep at all, losing your hair, depression and a wide variety of other symptoms emerge when your adrenals are not doing well. You may also have gut issues, vitamin deficiencies (undiagnosed) and no libido. These are all classic signs of AS. And did
I forget to mention chronic fatigue?"
"And how do I control my breathing and shaking when I get angry? "
"It would help to inhale a big breath and exhale over again until your heart rate returns to normal. Even trying to relax before you get angry. "
"Ok I'll try and thank you.. "
"Your welcome. If you need anything just have the front desk page me. "
"Ok thanks again. " I walked into the room. Blake was sitting on the bed next to Monica.
"Well I just talked to the doctor she said that.. Never mind I shouldnt tell you but other than that tour fine but you have to stay for a couple of days. " I checked the time. 9: 30am.
"I need to call Cecilia to tell her I am backing out. "
"No you have to go. Just because I can't go doesn't mean that you don't have to. I wasn't even a part of it so I'm not needed. Just go. Aunt Susie will get it on video. I'll just watch it then. "
"Are you sure? "
"Yes.now go before she flips. You're already two minutes late. "
"Ok I'm leaving. Blake you meet us at the site. I'll call when we get there. Bye I need to go. " I kissed both of them and left. Now, to deal with the quincezilla.