When I'm With You (REWRITING)

CHAPTER 44

I stare at her, waiting for her to say something or do something but all I received was the side of her face. She wasn't even looking at me, her facial expression kept changing by the second. 

She finally moves a but, grabbing one of the eggs and breaking the silence when she cracks it agasint the ceramic bowl. "You retired from the mafia industry?" She begins crack another egg, still in thought of herself, while I watch her crack the rest of the egg into the bowl. 

"Could you pass me the salt and pepper, please?" She asks, and I nod, grabbing the shakers not far from me. 

I watch her figure whisk the eggs in the bowl, her brows still connected making me wonder if she's still thinking about what I said or just too concentrated on making breakfast for us. 

"Dee?" 

"Why?" She sighs shaking her head and putting the whisk down next to the bowl. "Why'd you retire?" 

She seemed frustrated about what I had said and it honestly confused me. 

I take a step closer to her, towering over her small firgule body. "I thought you'd be happy about this, why am I getting the feeling that you don't like the idea of me leaving the gang?" I place my hand on the back of her, giving her a small rub. 

She looks up at me and her worry seems to flood away, a small smile appears and I feel my heart begin to beat again. "Kaz...Of course I'm about happy this-"

"Then why the long face?" I cut her off. 

She looks into both my eyes, not being able to choose which one to look at straight. Her delicate fingers cup the side of my face, making me feel warm. "This decision isn't about my happiness, Kaz. It's about yours. Are you happy?" 

I go to say something but nothing comes out of my mouth. 

Are you happy, Kaz?

I bring my hand up to her hand, moving it to my lips and kissing her knuckles. "I've never been happier, baby. I have you and a whole world that is waiting for adventure." I look down at her, noticing she lost her smile once again. "Aren't you proud of me?" 

"Kaz..." She pauses. "I couldn't be more prouder for you."  

"Then what's stopping you from reacting like it?" 

Dee faces the bowl of eggs in front of her and begins to whisk again. " I'm sorry, I know I should be jumping in the air aright now. I mean when I think about it more clearly, it saves me a lot of worry to know that your not going to end up dead in any unexpected situations or no longer doing dangerous illegal dealings." She looks back up at me again, this raw emotion struck her pupils. "...But this is your life we're talking about, Kaz. You grew up in that environment and I can't expect you to just throw it away like it never happened. I know how much you love what you do. Don't you thing you're going to miss that life?" 

My arm reaches out for the pan and I place it against the stove. The ticking of the igniter fills the small silence between us as I process what she said. 

I am going to miss my life in the gang. 

I'm going to miss the power. 

I'm going to miss the guns.

I'm going to miss the stressful meetings.

i'M doing to miss going on missions with the guys.

I'm going to miss the adrenaline. 

I'm going to miss the blood shredding and ashes of a burnt down buliding. 

But I'm exchanging all of it for something better.