My Second Love ✓

30. Behind the facade

Yes, where's this khushi went these days? The Khushi earlier was not at all rude not at all loud. She loves to enjoy everything around her, Isn't she? Where was she?

"What are... you... talking? It's.. nothing like that..." I stuttered lowering my eyes feeling difficult to lie.

He raised my chin with his index finger "Really, you don't know what I am talking about but you can say it's nothing like that"

I slapped myself mentally for this stupid escape.

"Why?" He asked again toning down his words.

I gazed at him for few minutes before lowering my head again "I don't know" My two petals synced answering his question.

"What do you mean by, I don't know? It's your born trait, character, your uniqueness khushi. You should be identified by your real nature not by the way you're showing now. Don't you think you should live for yourself without being so hard on yourself" His whisper made me to lose in some other world.

Why did I change? Is it again because of Siddharth, yes! But now I decided to give a chance to my relationship with Arnav, Ain't I? Then what was the need to carry the baggage of past by losing the original ME. What did I gain by that? Infact I lost more. Family celebrations, their love, care, attention, affection, happiness, my friends and finally ME who was altogether person in past.

My trance was broken when he cup my face turning it to face him.

"Tear the facade, let others know you by real you"

"Do you think I was wearing a facade?" I felt vulnerable from inside. No one asked me to tear my facade, or I didn't cared!

"You know the answer Khushi, yet you're asking me. Why?" He asked in hushed tone.

Without processing my words and decision like I do earlier I said whatever come on my mind at instant  "I am afraid"

He circled his both hands around my waist pulling me towards him providing enough warm like a cocoon "Why?"

"Hah..."

"Why are you afraid?" He spelled the words as if like asking to a kid. His eyes which having care, concern and love melted me and I found myself leaning my head on his chest.

"Woh... Siddharth..." I started to open up and only then I realised few truths are still hidden from him.

Breaking the hug I held his palm in mine "Arnav, I.. there are few things from my past was still hidden to you... if I say now... will... Will you treat me... same like you're doing now? Will you... accept me...? Will you... trust me...?"

I asked with batted breath hoping against hope. Never ever I was so desperate for answers like I am standing now. Anxious, worry, fear, recklessness and every damn emotion was mixed up making me feel jittery. If Arnav took time to answer then my feet will automatically give up.

He put his another palm above me enclosing it and squinted his eyes in acceptance. Breathed out, I thought relaxed but it was multifolded when the truth keeps haunting my conscious and for the same my heart galloped against the ribcage.

Swallowing the uneasiness I opened my mouth to say but words seems slipped out if my mind. All of sudden even I forget my mother tongue. My insides started to shudder fearing the consequences. How can I say it to him? How'll he bear the truth? No one in his place can bear that truth, then how can I expect him to be calm and asks him the same even before I let out the truth.

"Khushi.."

Snapping back from the thoughts, I pressed my plam against him gaining courage from it.

"Arnav... I... was molested in my.. college" I heard his gasp and continued without waiting for his reply as I fear my courage will break down if he interrupts me "Siddharth was the one who saved me at correct time.. else.. I don't know what would be the consequences... He... He supported me throughout my trauma, I... I become afraid of man's touch. He... He stood beside me as the sole pillar of my college life. When.. when I was completely out of it as per doctor's treatment I accepted Siddharth proposal. He stood beside me every single minute of my two years of life... Sometimes he demanded some things from me too. Like that... One... One day... I went to his home as I was supposed to meet my parents but couldn't and he.. he asked me to come over his home to erase my homesick. I obeyed his words... Trust me Arnav I didn't let him have his way..."

"What you didn't let him have his way?" Asked he cautiously.

Fluttering my lids I refused to meet his eyes as a result of guilt.

"I.. We.. he wished to take... take our relationship.. to next level. I.. did oppose trust me b...but" I closed my eyes couldn't able to say him the truth.

"But... It ended up... He kissed me here" I pointed towards my lips.

"Trust me I didn't let him to continue, I pushed him and scolded him a lot and didn't spoke to him for whole week" I jumped him clearing my stance, lest he feel bad.

All of sudden he laughed... Seriously laugh... LAUGH!!!

I opened and closed my mouth like a fish out of water not able to think what made him laugh.

"Still there're few things to say about my past" That did stop his laughter.

He raised his brows in question.

"After his.. death... His parents blamed me for my.. misfortune. They said because of me they lost... their son. My ill luck only swallowed his life... I lost my interest to live as I believed I was ill fated. They said I was a curse. More than Siddharth death his parents words glued in my brain" I closed my eyes and felt wet at my cheeks.

I opened my eyes when his thumb wiped that away gently.

"You're not at fault. It's his bad luck that he's no more. Don't your brain works, if I was fit and fiddle standing before you even after bearing you then you're not a curse. And... Regarding your stupid guilty conscious.. thennn..." He trailed down after making me feel better.

I scrutinized my gaze at him "I too kissed girls"

I gaped at him open mouth, what does he mean by GIRLS???

"Arnav..." I shrieked and he winked.

Damn it!!!

How can he kiss any girl? He should only kiss me!!!

_____

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