vanoss crew one shot! banana bus!

Love hurts, get over it- Vanoss

HELLO MY PEOPLESSSSSSSS!!!!!! this is a awkward chapter. This is a weird chapter because it is the reader thinking and writing things down in a journal/diary. I know it is not in order or smooth but it is supposed to be like that.  it does annoy me slightly but imagine your heart broken and you start writing. ALSO, I HAVE NO IDEA IS EVAN HAS A BROTHER NAMED KYLE OR NO!!! JUST DO WITH IT thanks <3

My heart is in so much pain.  It feels like it shatters every time I think of him.  I miss his touch, his kiss, his hugs.  I love Evan so much but he does not love me anymore.  It hurts me like no one can understand.  I love him even though he does not love me anymore.  Evan means the world to me and all I could do was stay in my room and cry.  I had so many questions but he refused to answer them.  He would only talk to me through messenger or talk to me unless other people are around. No privacy at all.  I don't know what to do with myself any more or what to do in general.  I know I should move on but I just cant.  I love him and only him.  I dont want anyone else. That sounds selfish, I know.  Before I continue, I should tell you the story of what happened. 

At first, we found each other on tinder.  Evan was so sweet and funny.  I was so excited to meet him in person.  It felt like an instant connection and we loved each other.  He was so sweet and flirt with me.  It made me feel so special.  I felt wanted and needed.  I soon moved in with him after two months, trying to get away from my family.  It was amazing and full of love.  Of course he was busy with school and work.  I understood he didn't have much time.  I still loved him anyways and my feelings still grew for him. 

I wanted to be with him forever.  When I would have my mental break downs, he would still say that he loved me.  I totally believed him.  I wish I knew then what I know now.  Sadly the world doesn't work like that.  It is harsh and cruel.  I love being with him.  He means the world to me. And now, it is a totally different story.

Everyday we would talk, say I love you and I never felt alone.  I always had him there for me.  I always got hugs, kisses and got to hold hands.  I got to feel special for once in my life.  It was amazing, till it all came crashing down. One day during work I got a text from him.  It was a slow day at work and I decided to text him because I was bored and I knew he would cheer me up.  Then it came.  He wanted to break up.  When I saw that, my heart sank and broke into million pieces.  I didnt know what to do but I could feel the tears running down my cheeks.  I didnt understand why would want to break up with me .

Of course, Evan would not give me a simple answer. He would give me excuse after excuse and avoid telling me the full truth.  It got to the point that he said that he didnt care about me.  How do you stop caring about your own girlfriend? How could you say you love someone and not care about what they do or what they think?  It just amazed me.  I asked him if I offended him.  All Evan could say was that he didnt want to talk about it anymore and ignore me.  It got to the point that I called home.  I honestly didnt want to call home.  But, I had no choice.  I called my mother and asked her if I could move home.  She told me she cant let me come home.  There wasnt any room and she didnt have the money.  To be honest, she has more then enough money and my room is still there.  So, here I am.  I am stuck living in the same house as my Ex.  Ilove Evan's family and they love me.  To be honest, Evan's older brother has the same qualities that I fell for and more.

I feel so wrong about falling for his brother and I feel like I cant tell anyone about it without looking bad or without looking like I used Evan to get to him.  To be honest, Evan's brother, Kyle, is so sweet.  I have so much more in common with Kyle then when I did with Evan.  Love hurts so much though.  When Evan first broke up with me, i fell into depression and Kyle would talk to me and make me smile some.  He spoke to me like nothing has changed.  Everything was a-okay.  I just have so much going through my mind that I dont know what to do with myself.  My heart just feels broken and shattered but also full with love and want.  I, honestly, have no Idea what I have gotten myself into at the moment.  I cant even lie to myself about it.  I dont even know what to do or how to react at the moment.  I am actually just doing what I am being told and just letting days go by.  It is so hard to believe it.  Love hurts so much so why do I want it so much at the same time???