Helpless

29. Revenge

Katy's POV

I was sitting in the living room on the couch, watching tv and drinking my morning green tea. Thanks to Tamra for not letting me drink coffee and John for watching me. Two idiots, ugh. John was still asleep because he was working on his tour to almost midnight. Me, on the other hand, went to sleep at 8pm. Pretty early, I know and that's why it's 7 in the morning and I'm here, sitting with Nugget on my lap. I looked out of the window at John's back garden. Everything was waking up to life. Birds were singing beautifully, colorful butterflies flying around flowers. Sun was rising slowly making the swimming pool shine.

I smiled. It felt weird to smile again but also it felt good. Actually, so good. Everything was better when I finally told John about things Orlando did. He didn't push me. He understood. He always understands me. He's just too good to be true. I felt like it's gonna be a long run with him and I didn't mind at all. I wanted to finally settle down and find the right person for me who loves me for me and he does. Every bone in me always trusted him and this trust has never stopped. I'm not running away from my feelings anymore.

I raised my arms as I yawned feeling more tired than before. Nugget jumped off of me giving me some space. I laid on the couch and returned to the tv. I switched it to the E! where was Keeping Up with Kardashians. I decided to leave it as I closed my eyes.

I woke up, feeling something heavy on my chest. I opened my eyes, thinking that it was just Nugget but I immediately smiled looking down into my favorite warmly brown pair of eyes. He returned a smile and locked our fingers together, picking them to his lips and lightly kissing my hand making me giggle. My other hand held his shirt, pulling him closer to my face till our lips smashed together. I kissed him lazily like we had all the time in the world. He deepened the kiss, my hand still gripping his shirt not wanting to pull away but eventually we did because we needed some air.  "Good morning, love." He whispered, touching the palm of my hand with his lips.

"Well, hello there, handsome." I returned.

"You know-" He sighed. "I was thinking that we should talk with the police-"

"No!" I screamed quickly making him sat up. Was he insane? I didn't want to see it in newspapers or tv. "I don't wanna talk about it with anyone!"

"Kate, please-"

"I'm ashamed of myself, okay? I just wanna forget." I murmured as I laid my head on his shoulder.

"I know, baby. I'm here for you whenever you need me." He kissed my forehead. He stood up and went out of the room, leaving me there confused but I decided to let it go. I returned back to my thoughts. Just thinking about John's tour which is starting in three weeks made me upset. Of course I didn't want him to leave but I won't act like a freak. He would be mad at me just like Orlando was. He would think that I'm like a baby and he doesn't need a girlfriend like me. I never wanted to be the depressed girl, pleasing for some attention, yet here I was thinking about how sad and lonely I'm gonna be in three weeks.

I had to stop my anxiety because it will ruin me someday and there will be no one to save me this time. I tried to relax, slowly taking deep breaths, thinking about only positive things. That there actually are people who love me and care about me like my family, friends, fans and John. The thing is, I wasn't sure if we were a girlfriend and boyfriend. We have never talked about it so I didn't even know how to name him. I wished he would ask me to be his girlfriend but he never did and it was killing me. Didn't he want to be with me for real? Or wasn't he sure about his feeling? Maybe he didn't love me anymore at all and every time he told me he loved me he just wanted to make me feel better and it meant nothing to him. No. No, it's impossible. He had to feel something. I'm sure he had because I knew from the beginning that I have never stopped loving him. He was always the only man I loved and it never changed and I don't want to change it.